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Hi ev1. My husband and i havebeen together about 4 years and married almost one. He has always had a bit of a passive aggressive attitude, but lately i am just baffled. He is in the military which may have caused it to be worse im not sure. When hes mad he cusses at me, calls me names says all kinds of things. Then if i tell him i don't like that, i didn't deserve it or anything he just gets even more mad. He wont let me talk when were arguing or discussing something, he will make a point to talk over me. As soon as i start to get to my breaking point and cry or something he says "here we go, pity me right you want me to feel bad for you?" and then just mocks me and its so frustrating. I told him i think we should see a counselor because im almost sure of the underlying cause for his ways but he wont do it. He thinks its demeaning. Also, he is thinking of re enlisting for another three years which i dont really like the idea of.. He just recently changed him mind about not staying in to this. And i admit it could be a good opportunity, but the deployments, being 19 hours away from our family and friends, and the fact that i will never have a stable career deter me. He says that im childish for wanting to be near my family, and the fact that i dont want to start having children until hes out is selfish. He just recently said he is tired of people holding him back from things and doesnt want to care about what anyone thinks, even me. I feel like all he ever does it play mind games with me and its really starting to break me down. He will ask me if i care if he goes out, and if i say i do he'll lose it on me. I just really dont know what to do here you guys. Please any feedback would help. Should i try harder for the therapist? If he doesnt go should i? Should i get out? Im so lost:(
 

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It sounds like you are being bullied. For what reasons, or what his personal issues are, I don't know. Get into therapy as soon as you can, with or without him.
 

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Get the heck away from him. He is verbally abusing you in the worst ways possible. And yes, he is bullying you too, and that is part of the abuse. Get him out of your life and then seek counseling to help you understand two things.....

1) Why on earth you put up with his crap in the first place. Abused women tolerate the abuse for a reason, or maybe there is more than one reason. Don't you ever wonder why women stay and take being beaten all the time? Well, you are doing the same thing. He just hasn't hit you......yet. But verbal abuse, especially on this level, is just as bad as physical abuse. Look at how terrible he makes you feel. Look at how confused you are. Look at how completely defeated you are. Is there something in your psyche that makes you think a husband is supposed to treat his wife this way? Is there something that makes you think you are supposed to put up with it? Get out of there right now as fast as you can.

Forget someone telling you to get a book to fix your marriage. There is no fixing him that you can do. As you walk out the door, tell him to get a book to fix himself. Free yourself from his mental and emotional bondage so you can live a free and happy life to find someone who will not treat you this way.

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2) Seek counseling after you are gone to help you heal from all the abuse.
 

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I agree. Get professional help, and tell him that you are considering leaving him if HE doesn't get help to stop verbally abusing you.

If you don't stop this NOW, you'll be near suicidal in 5 years.
 
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