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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Notice, I have a summary and also the long version.


Summary: Deployed for 4 mos, found out my wife had been in contact with some guy via facebook she met at the club, thanking him for taking care of her and letting him know when she will be at the club. After being deployed for four months, I noticed that our cell and home phone bill was high. Checked out the numbers and there was one particular number that I can't associate with a name from our phone directory. Called it and it was a guy (different from the club). Noticed that phone calls were made, during the time she was at work, late at night and early in the morning. Unexpectedly, the phone ceased immediately after I got back home from the deployment. Her argument was that her friend has been using her cell phone to call this guy. But how can that be? They don't work at the same place, phone calls were after her friends husband got back from his deployment. So for sure, her friend didn't sleep over or come over early in the morning just to use the phone.

To top it off she is now 9.5 weeks pregnant according to the ultrasound & sonogram. I have only been back for 6.5 weeks. She insist it is mine. Please help me, what should I do? should I waiting it out till the baby comes out and conduct a paternity test. Should I end it? Again, she keeps insisting that she had done nothing wrong. She would also avoid answering questions when asked for details of the events of the nights when she was with the first guy. Please help me!!! I really don't know what to do..


Long:


We have been married for 6.5 yrs and we have two kids. Recently I went on a deployment for 4 mos. During the deployment, I told my wife that she can go out with her friends once in a while. Which she did. But had done it much more than I wanted, although it didn't make me upset. What made me upset was when my son got sick, she still went out even after I told her to stay home with our son. I tried getting through her cell phone with no avail. So I got on my facebook and sent her a message. While browsing through her facebook "wall", I noticed one particular comment on some guy that I have never met before. It was coming from the guys Dad. And it said that it was finally good to see a face of the girl that he had been talking about to his dad. This raised a red flag, because it was only the Dad and my wife commented on his wall topic. So I got on her facebook account (she knows mine as well, it's an agreement that we both can check all our accounts) and I noticed that she had been actively messaging this guy privately. Thanking him for taking care of her while they were in the club and letting him know that he will be at the club when she goes and letting him know when it will be her last weekend going to the club. To close that one out, I confronted her about, told her I wanted a divorce. She denied it and threatened me with suicide. All I can think about this time was my two kids, cause I was thousands of miles away from them. After a couple of hours arguing with her, I calmed her down.

After a month pass, I came home from the deployment. I also noticed that both our phone and cell phone bills was extremely high(I couldn't use it). Checked on all of the phone number in the address book. But there was a particular number that I had pinpointed. I confronted her about it and she told me that her friend has been using our phone to make phone calls. But here is the weird thing, her friends husband had came back a week before me. But there were calls at 0630 AM a week after her friends husband had came back and 2 days before I came back. The calls were both house and cell phone numbers going to this one particular guy (different from the one above). I confronted her about it and she said she has never talked to that guy. We argued and fought about it off and on for about a month. But she kept saying that she didn't cheat on me or had no emotional feelings for other guys while I was gone. To top it off, she is now 9.4 weeks pregnant and I had only been back for 6.5 weeks. She keeps telling me that it is my baby and no one else. But something is telling me that everything hasn't been confessed.
 

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Yes, if the 'math doesn't add up' get a paternity test on the baby. You might want to get one on the older two kids while you are at it.

About going out while your son was sick, does she make it a habit to do things like that? No one ever had to tell me to stay home with my daughter when she was sick - that was a given.

How much longer do you have left in the military? It sounds like your kids might need you.
 

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Again, she keeps insisting that she had done nothing wrong. She would also avoid answering questions when asked for details of the events of the nights when she was with the first guy.
If she has done nothing wrong, then she shouldn't mind answering questions. The very fact she refuses to be completely open and transparent is a red flag. As for the ultrasound....I was once told that the skill of the technician plays a vital role in interpreting the results. How about having a second ultrasound done by someone else? If you still get the same results, then you have valid reasons to doubt. Regardless, I guess you will be waiting until the birth for a paternity test to give a definitive answer.
 

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SH being a former military man myself and currently a military spouse we both know you know the answer to your questions. The real question is what do you want to do about it?
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Thanks for the reply guys, to answer some of the questions, I have ten years left in the military, yes I do agree that my kids needs me more than ever. Question about a second ultrasound, we did get a ultrasound immediately after finding out from the emergency room that she was 7.5 weeks pregnant(sonogram from her stomach), we kindly talked to the OBGYN personnel if they can schedule us with a dating scan , which they did the following week. Surprisingly the result coincide with the previous finding that she was 8.3 weeks pregnant, by verifying it by using a sonogram scanner inside her vagina.

For an update. We went to family advocacy for counseling, which didn't help at all cause we knew some people that worked there. So instead of being open we held back on much of the details.

Also this week, I confronted her again about "markus" (the guy on the phone bill) as to why do our phone record say that 4x phone call to "Markus" cell phone was made consecutively which lasted for 5 sec (meaning he wasn't answering) and immediately a call to his house which lasted about 1 minute, early in the morning (0627) two days before I got home? Her answer "I don't know". But this time she said, "to shut you up, it was me who made the phone call even though it is not". What do you guys think? Should I talk to this guy and confront him about it? If so how should I do it, meaning how should I be? Pissed, casual or what? Also, when I called his house the first time, his wife/girlfriend answered the phone. Basically, all I said was, "I was TDY and returning some missed calls and didn't recognize this number". She said that she didn't call my number but maybe her husband did. And I asked what his name was and she said Markus. I told her I don't know anyone by the name Markus. Here is when it gets weird, she asked me, "do you share this cell phone with anyone else", with a tone of suspicious. At that moment, I wanted to say yes, with my wife but didn't want to cause any drama to them, so I said no. But now I really want to talk to the wife and find out if she is suspecting anything and maybe can look at there phone records as well. What should I do? Should I talk to his wife? How bout my attachment to her? My instinct tells me to slowly push myself away (emotionally & physically) to prepare my for the worst. If that is the case how should I do it?
 

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Well, if two ultrasounds say the same thing, it is pretty conclusive. You may need to see an attorney to see what legal ramifications you will be faced with.

I would tell the OM's wife what you know. She has every right to know (especially since she is suspicious).
 

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Identify the real father and seek legal advice to avoid being the one that has to pay 18 years of child support.

Women don't get pregnant by accident in 2011. Legs apart, condoms, the pill, morning after pill. Choice, choice, choice, choice.

I'm so sorry. :(
 

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I would confront Marcus and let him know that you are working on your marriage and want him to respect it no matter what your wife has told him, that if her chooses to continue to contact your wife or if your wife contacts him and he does not break it off and/or he or any one else talks to your wife with regard to this converstion that the two of you had, you will expose the evidence that you have to his wife.

This will prevent your chick from getting pissed at you and will keep him from continuing any relationship that your wife may want from him. See Marcus may be all about bailing on your wife but if wife wants to have the relationship with Marcus.....Marcus may be inclined to do the break up.

Just remember to stay calm and no bodily threat, just a simple aggreement among men. At the end of the conversation, and Marcus aggrees let him know that you will respect his marriage and you want nothing to do with his family as long as he has nothing to do with yours.

The thing about how the OMW has a right to know is conflicting for me b/c its nice to have this leverage, but I to agree that she has a right to know.....in fact this cheating crap is addicting and I believe Marcu wont keep his mouth or his pants shut so you will end up telling her any way, but it is worth a shot in ending the affair with Marcus. Now dealing with your wife is a different story.

She may never know about your conversation with Marcus (is he's smart) but it seems you need to continue doing some more investigation on who the OM is all about.
 
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