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Hi, I'm new to this forum and I really would like some unbiased advice or perspective on a situation.

When I was younger, my big brother had friends come to our house and hang out with him. One of his friends took a liking to me.

To keep it short, he told me that he loved me and we ended up having anal sex. Afterward, he told me he wanted to see me again and hang out with me. However, I was in pain after the anal sex and I said no and that I didn't want sex or to be with a man.

I had never had a boyfriend, but I really liked him. I tried sex out and I hated it.

He then tells me that he doesn't love me and other things and I left. From then on, I avoided him.

One day, he was in my room and I opened the door to see him crying. He looked at me and said, "Come in, please come in." I didn't come in, I just walked away.

Fast forward about two years later, we meet again.

He jumps out his truck and tells me he's so happy to see me again and stuff. His truck engine is too loud and I mouth to him to kill the ignition, he said something and didn't kill it. So he's saying stuff but I can't hear him.

He gets mad and the truck idles down and I hear tell me to go on and leave. So I move to leave and he steps in my path and tells me he didn't mean it and he's crying again. I tell him again I can't hear him and finally he cuts off his truck. He tells me he wants to talk to me. He goes back to the truck and I do something completely stupid: I feel unsafe and think he may hurt me or something. So I ran away.

He runs after me and eventually leaves me be, not before saying he wanted to give me the world and walks away.

Fast forward about a year later.

I meet him at my church. We sit by each other but I don't realize who he is until later. So the preacher tells us to hold hands and pray and we do and when I sit down, he doesn't let go of my hand. He turns to me and askes me can he hold my hand. I say yes and for a few Sundays we hold hands. Then, one day he's on the phone in church and talking about a girl really badly. I think he's talking about me and I cuss him out. He turns to me and says even worse things to me. I eventually move away from him.

The next Sunday, he sits down next to me and tries to get my hand. I pull away from him and move to the row behind that row. He's looking at me the whole time in shock.

Before the service ends, he sits down next to me and says to listen to what he has to say. He starts talking to me in his native language and I can't understand anything, but it sounds emotional. He ends it with tears coming from his eyes and he leaves.

Fast forward 2 years later.

I'm exercising outside and he and a friend ride by. I don't know who he is. He says something to his friend about girls and trophies and then says something to me. I tell him I hate men and that all men do is rape and destroy. He tells his friend I've been hurt and he askes me who hurt me and stuff. We get into a discussion to the point to where his friend says that all men do not cheat and stuff. He drives away looking sad or at least concerned.

He comes back about a week later and makes me a relationship offer and I tell him no. He looks hurt and askes why and I tell him "Remember, I'm just a trophy." He puts his hand on his heart and says to me he is sorry for anything he said to hurt me and that I need to let it go. He then drives away crying.


The last time I saw him I wasn't sure it was him, but I feel as if that was him. He was looking at me with this really doey eyed look. He looked so sad and I could of sworn he was reaching for me when I walked away after I picked up my item off the shelf.


So now, here I am years later. I love him, I really do. However, I don't know what to think. I want to give him a second chance, but I don't want to be hurt and I am scared of him. He hurt me so bad, and if his tears are real and not a way to get a "trophy" then I have hurt him real bad.

I don't know what to think. I just wish I had some experienced and unbiased person look at this and tell me what they think right off the bat.

I forgive him for the things he's said, but I just haven't forgot and I'm being cautious.

I have the feeling I'm going to see him again, but should I give him another chance? Or is it all a game for him to get a trophy on his shelf?

Please help.
 

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This is ALL a game to him and you are the trophy for winning. This man abused you mentally, emotionally and physically and you love him? You are going to have to keep one eye open with this guy if you choose to be in a relationship with him. And I hope and pray that you do NOT even consider it for another moment. Why are you ok being treated like this? Were you abused by a parent or other family member?

He also sounds like he has a psychological disorder. He has severe ups and severe downs. Possibly bipolar. Or it could be that he is just incredibly manipulative -- which is my best guess.

Talk to your pastor at church. Reach out to someone you can be 100% honest with about your past with this guy. You need to be protected by this predator!!
 

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This is ALL a game to him and you are the trophy for winning. This man abused you mentally, emotionally and physically and you love him? You are going to have to keep one eye open with this guy if you choose to be in a relationship with him. And I hope and pray that you do NOT even consider it for another moment. Why are you ok being treated like this? Were you abused by a parent or other family member?

He also sounds like he has a psychological disorder. He has severe ups and severe downs. Possibly bipolar. Or it could be that he is just incredibly manipulative -- which is my best guess.

Talk to your pastor at church. Reach out to someone you can be 100% honest with about your past with this guy. You need to be protected by this predator!!
Wow!

Do you mind telling me why you think that right off the bat?
 

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My thoughts... You have a lot of healing (and maturing) to do for yourself before you should consider getting in a serious relationship with anyone, much less this guy. Talk to your pastor, get counselling, something. But invest your time in yourself first.

As far as this guy goes, he sounds like an immature jerk. But there's been a lot of drama on both sides.

C
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Wow!

Do you mind telling me why you think that right off the bat?
:scratchhead:

You said he gets mad and then cries. He gets mad and then cries again. (Bipolar or manipulation)

You said you felt unsafe.

You said he said bad things to you.

You said you need to be cautious around him.

You said you believe that what all men do is "rape and destroy".

THAT is why I think that right off the bat.

He told you he loves you. You have anal sex with him. You tell him you don't want to have sex with him again. He tells you he doesn't love you.

P-R-E-D-A-T-O-R.

You asked us if you should give him another chance or if this is all a game to him. I cannot even imagine any reasonable person on this forum would tell you to give him another chance based on the information you provided us "right off the bat".
 
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