[LS2089]

Hi, first time posting on anything like this i am at a loss.

my husband of 8 years, together for 12.
Admitted for the second time (this has happened before) that he has masturbated while in sole care of our daughter while she was playing in another room. The first time it happened i was angry, hurt, annoyed, and made it clear this wasn’t to happen again. Our daughter requires extra care anyway as she has special needs so cant be left alone for a length of time. Since this second time (that i know of) she has also been diagnosed with Epilepsy, even more reason for her NOT to be left alone. I was in work while this all took place and now i am left feeling like i cant even go to work as he clearly cant even wait until she is asleep at night or i am at home for him to please himself. Advice please. Thanks

 

[dwdj75]

Well, first, I have to give him props for confessing!
Did he say why he did this ? I mean, sure we all have urges, but like you stated, there is a time and a place.

 

[Diana7]

I know its not quite the same but a lady I used to know found out that her then husband watched porn when their 2 small children up and playing while she was out. The marriage ended, and after being taken to court he was only ever allowed supervised visits with his children from then on. The judge took this VERY seriously.
What your husband did was completely wrong. What if she had walked in? Was he watching porn on his phone/computer as well?
I am not surprised that you are angry, hurt and annoyed, I would be as well, especially as you had asked him never to do it again.

 

[She'sStillGotIt]

Hi, first time posting on anything like this i am at a loss.

my husband of 8 years, together for 12.
Admitted for the second time (this has happened before) that he has masturbated while in sole care of our daughter while she was playing in another room. The first time it happened i was angry, hurt, annoyed, and made it clear this wasn’t to happen again. Our daughter requires extra care anyway as she has special needs so cant be left alone for a length of time. Since this second time (that i know of) she has also been diagnosed with Epilepsy, even more reason for her NOT to be left alone. I was in work while this all took place and now i am left feeling like i cant even go to work as he clearly cant even wait until she is asleep at night or i am at home for him to please himself. Advice please. Thanks

I'm guessing he didn't so much "confess" as he foolishly left porn on the computer or you found a wadded up tissue by his computer.

I don't believe for a second he just randomly told you this without any prompting.

And the likely reason he's choosing to do this while watching your kid is because YOU'RE out of the house. It's obviously a chance he's willing to take.

And it's probably happened a lot more than you know. Something tells me he got sloppy this time and had no choice but to "confess."

 

[hairyhead]

Us the issue that he masturbated or that he left your daughter alone?

What happens when the carer needs the toilet?

 

[LS2089]

Us the issue that he masturbated or that he left your daughter alone?

What happens when the carer needs the toilet?

I actually have no issue with him masturbating at all, its the issue of him leaving my daughter to pleasure himself. Wait until shes asleep or out of the house? Theres a time and a place surely? Does he really NEED to do it so badly he has to leave our daughter in the next room?

 

[LS2089]

I'm guessing he didn't so much "confess" as he foolishly left porn on the computer or you found a wadded up tissue by his computer.

I don't believe for a second he just randomly told you this without any prompting.

And the likely reason he's choosing to do this while watching your kid is because YOU'RE out of the house. It's obviously a chance he's willing to take.

And it's probably happened a lot more than you know. Something tells me he got sloppy this time and had no choice but to "confess."

Thanks for replying, he actually did confess i had no idea. He said he felt really guilty for leaving her and had to tell me, but them words have fallen on deaf ears because this has happened before & like you said i definitely think this has happened more than the twice he has confessed.

 

[Beach123]

So he has no self control...?

why don’t you ask him to seek professional help to learn how to gain self control?

his decision making skills need work - and he needs to learn what being a responsible adult is - as opposed to a selfish and self centered risky parent.

tell him if he won’t you’ll turn himin to child protective services for doing an inadequate job at parenting.

is he selfish in other areas of your marriage?

how often do you two have sex? Often or not often?

 

[Luckylucky]

Could he be testing your reaction to see if you’re okaying the situation/or not okaying it??

We had a terrible situation with a male member of the family, I can’t say too much but there was a scenario of masturbating in full view of a minor.

I’m not at all saying this is what’s happening, but there was a lengthy grooming process that led to this.

I don’t know the full situation and how often he does it or discusses with you, so please don’t think I’m thinking anything appropriate. I’m sorry that this is a concern for you

 

[Diana7]

How old is the child? Could she easily have walked in? Was he also watching porn? If yes then that is borderline child sexual abuse in many countries.

 

[theloveofmylife]

For him to tell you this without you asking seems odd. Could it be a cry for help? Maybe he's a porn/sex addict.