(a quick background) My husband and I have been married for three years, together for a total of almost eight. No kids right now (we're not sure if we want any). We met while working together and became friends and then over time had feelings for each other.
Like a lot of couples, we had sex regularly in the beginning, but over the years it's less frequent (sometimes going a couple months without it). We both work a lot and that combined with not exercising regularly hasn't helped the situation. It's generally this way because I don't feel like having sex with him or am too exhausted from my commute. Also, my husband isn't very romantic and I try to be that way with him in hopes that he might do the same (i.e. little surprises, notes), but he just isn't like that. There are just no surprises and I don't feel any excitement with him.
Another factor (that I am totally ashamed to admit) is that I've started fantasizing about a man I see regularly on the subway I take to work. The ridiculous part is that we've never even spoken, but we're both always looking at each other (usually I find that he's been watching me first). Over time I became more and more excited by the idea of a stranger being attracted to me. Part of me thinks that I just like the fantasy of being with a stranger because I am bored and feel like my husband is more of a friend/roommate than a husband most of the time, but since I've felt this way about my husband for a couple years I am not sure.
Whatever it may be, I feel horrible and guilty about it because my husband is a really nice person and for the most part I think we're a good fit for each other. I just don't know how to get the passion back since it's been so long since we've been that way with each other. What would you do in this situation? I've talked with him about this a little and even suggested counseling, but I don't think it ever really sinks in how we really NEED to do something to help.
Like a lot of couples, we had sex regularly in the beginning, but over the years it's less frequent (sometimes going a couple months without it). We both work a lot and that combined with not exercising regularly hasn't helped the situation. It's generally this way because I don't feel like having sex with him or am too exhausted from my commute. Also, my husband isn't very romantic and I try to be that way with him in hopes that he might do the same (i.e. little surprises, notes), but he just isn't like that. There are just no surprises and I don't feel any excitement with him.
Another factor (that I am totally ashamed to admit) is that I've started fantasizing about a man I see regularly on the subway I take to work. The ridiculous part is that we've never even spoken, but we're both always looking at each other (usually I find that he's been watching me first). Over time I became more and more excited by the idea of a stranger being attracted to me. Part of me thinks that I just like the fantasy of being with a stranger because I am bored and feel like my husband is more of a friend/roommate than a husband most of the time, but since I've felt this way about my husband for a couple years I am not sure.
Whatever it may be, I feel horrible and guilty about it because my husband is a really nice person and for the most part I think we're a good fit for each other. I just don't know how to get the passion back since it's been so long since we've been that way with each other. What would you do in this situation? I've talked with him about this a little and even suggested counseling, but I don't think it ever really sinks in how we really NEED to do something to help.