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Just after some advice. I have been with my partner for 6 and half years. I told him very early on how much marriage means to me, starting a family and how I wanted it all in my 20s. He said he wanted the same and we continued dating to see if it went anywhere. Skip to 3 years in and marriage got brought up again with him telling me not to worry, it was planned and indicated it would be in the next couple of years. For our 5th anniversary we went away on a beautifull get away and I really thought it might happen. It didnt. Now 6 and half years into our relationship all I see is engagement posts everytime I open my phone.

Here is the real kicker: (I know I shouldn’t feel like this but I have tried everything in my power to stop this) Everytime I see another person's engagement I feel my heart break just a little bit each time until I broke down on my own in our house and made the decision that regardless I will stay with him. I do think he will propose at some point but my heart hurts a little too much now and I am not excited for an engagement or marriage. For example, today we were in a jewellary shop today shopping for a present for somebody and he stopped at the engagement rings (as we have done in the past years) and he said he really likes this one ring. My heart already sunk when he stopped there and all I could manage to say was thats fair enough without crying.
I love him entirely and I want to stay with him but I think if he gets down on one knee I will have to say no because it will bring up so much pain and heart ache that I’ve felt build up over the years (I know this sounds unreasonable and dramatic, but it’s how I feel). I have not spoken to anybody about this because I feel like what I am feeling is so strange and nobody will understand.

Do you think I should speak to him about this? If so how do I do this without him thinking I’m just trying to pressure him (which I have never ever done)? Is this completely irrational? Is there anything I can do to shake the feeling or to get excited about it all again?
 

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Are you willing to stay without being married because you want to or because you've already invested so much time and effort into this relationship and you are afraid of being alone if you break it off? You don't have to answer, but I think you should really think about that. There's a bit of sunk costs in this relationship, but if every time you see/hear about marriage you get weepy and there is already resentment building... I don't know if that is going to get better if you stay.
 

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Just after some advice. I have been with my partner for 6 and half years. I told him very early on how much marriage means to me, starting a family and how I wanted it all in my 20s. He said he wanted the same and we continued dating to see if it went anywhere. Skip to 3 years in and marriage got brought up again with him telling me not to worry, it was planned and indicated it would be in the next couple of years. For our 5th anniversary we went away on a beautifull get away and I really thought it might happen. It didnt. Now 6 and half years into our relationship all I see is engagement posts everytime I open my phone.

Here is the real kicker: (I know I shouldn’t feel like this but I have tried everything in my power to stop this) Everytime I see another person's engagement I feel my heart break just a little bit each time until I broke down on my own in our house and made the decision that regardless I will stay with him. I do think he will propose at some point but my heart hurts a little too much now and I am not excited for an engagement or marriage. For example, today we were in a jewellary shop today shopping for a present for somebody and he stopped at the engagement rings (as we have done in the past years) and he said he really likes this one ring. My heart already sunk when he stopped there and all I could manage to say was thats fair enough without crying.
I love him entirely and I want to stay with him but I think if he gets down on one knee I will have to say no because it will bring up so much pain and heart ache that I’ve felt build up over the years (I know this sounds unreasonable and dramatic, but it’s how I feel). I have not spoken to anybody about this because I feel like what I am feeling is so strange and nobody will understand.

Do you think I should speak to him about this? If so how do I do this without him thinking I’m just trying to pressure him (which I have never ever done)? Is this completely irrational? Is there anything I can do to shake the feeling or to get excited about it all again?
This is your life and your future as well, you can and should talk to him about where he sees this going. I would ask him why he hasn't proposed yet. There is a reason, either with him or with you.

Maybe he has a fear of commitment, maybe his parent's marriage wasn't great, maybe he doesn't feel ready for kids or doesn't want them at all, maybe he wants to be in a better place financially, maybe he feels too young, maybe he isn't sure where you stand on it, etc.

I have a friend who has been dating a woman for like 10 years and they have three "unplanned" kids, but they aren't married or engaged "yet". I asked him why recently and he said he doesn't want to propose until she finishes college. Weird to me but that's his reason.

So, talk to him. That conversation may help you feel better, or show you that it's time to end this.

And no, I don't think the way you are feeling is irrational. That friend mentioned above, his GF said the same thing about feeling sad at every proposal post and that she didn't even want one, until they talked about why it hadn't happened yet.
 

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Just after some advice. I have been with my partner for 6 and half years. I told him very early on how much marriage means to me, starting a family and how I wanted it all in my 20s. He said he wanted the same and we continued dating to see if it went anywhere. Skip to 3 years in and marriage got brought up again with him telling me not to worry, it was planned and indicated it would be in the next couple of years. For our 5th anniversary we went away on a beautifull get away and I really thought it might happen. It didnt. Now 6 and half years into our relationship all I see is engagement posts everytime I open my phone.

Here is the real kicker: (I know I shouldn’t feel like this but I have tried everything in my power to stop this) Everytime I see another person's engagement I feel my heart break just a little bit each time until I broke down on my own in our house and made the decision that regardless I will stay with him. I do think he will propose at some point but my heart hurts a little too much now and I am not excited for an engagement or marriage. For example, today we were in a jewellary shop today shopping for a present for somebody and he stopped at the engagement rings (as we have done in the past years) and he said he really likes this one ring. My heart already sunk when he stopped there and all I could manage to say was thats fair enough without crying.
I love him entirely and I want to stay with him but I think if he gets down on one knee I will have to say no because it will bring up so much pain and heart ache that I’ve felt build up over the years (I know this sounds unreasonable and dramatic, but it’s how I feel). I have not spoken to anybody about this because I feel like what I am feeling is so strange and nobody will understand.

Do you think I should speak to him about this? If so how do I do this without him thinking I’m just trying to pressure him (which I have never ever done)? Is this completely irrational? Is there anything I can do to shake the feeling or to get excited about it all again?
I am reminded of a song, the Sound of Silence.
The words I recall are "Silence like a cancer grows"

You owe it to your emotional well-being to have the conversation with him. Get it off your chest. There is a very real possibility that this issue could continue to build and blow up at some point in the future.

Talk to him.
Just be open and honest and reassure him you're not trying to manipulate him, but the conversation must happen.

My 2 cents.
 

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There are obviously no guarantees in life. It’s your life too so bring it up if it’s bothering you but don’t be surprised if he considers that to be pressuring him. Sometimes you have to take the risk.
 

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If this guy wanted to marry you he'd be pursuing it.

You have a power imbalances because your practically begging for it and he holds the power.

Think about how much more time you want to waste with this guy if marriage is important. And fyi....don't be surprised if he all of a sudden starts talking marriage once you dump him. Don't be drawn in...happy marriages don't start as a reaction to bring dumped.
 

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If this guy wanted to marry you he'd be pursuing it.

You have a power imbalances because your practically begging for it and he holds the power.

Think about how much more time you want to waste with this guy if marriage is important. And fyi....don't be surprised if he all of a sudden starts talking marriage once you dump him. Don't be drawn in...happy marriages don't start as a reaction to bring dumped.
Not all men want to get married in their early 20s.

I'd like to see their ages. They have been together awhile but it sounds like they started dating as perhaps teenagers.
 

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So I started dating my wife at 21. I proposed to her when I was 26. She was acting the same way you are.

After I had ordered the ring, which took about 4 months to get after ordering, her good friend got engaged.

My girlfriend had a meltdown, everyone is getting engaged etc. I just had to take it, since I couldn't say anything or blow the surprise.

I think it really depends on how old you are. There was no chance I was getting married before 25... so maybe it is coming.

It seems odd that you want it so badly, yet then say you would say no. You realize that would likely be the end of relationship if you did that right?
 

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If you are youger...so what.

If you are older (I don't know, 30s maybe?), then dump his ass - it's not cool that he seems to be leading you on. If he wasn't ready he should have told you, and kept telling you every time you brought it up.
 
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