He still won’t admit it and won’t use the word “affair” but supposedly he ended the physical part once I found out. Apparently felt no guilt when I had no clue what he was doing but now that I know he feels guilty about it. So now he’s “working on” ending the emotional part.I'm so sorry you have to deal with this and carry on as "normal". I can't imagine how you are feeling now, at least mine had the decency to leave our home on DD.
So he's insisting it's an EA, eh? Yeah right. Even if it is, look at how he treated you, with such contempt and blatant disrespect. He's shown you who he really is, and it's so ugly.
I don't think you'll ever be able to understand those questions, b/c unlike him, you have morals and you wouldn't stoop to that disgusting behavior. Honestly, it doesn't matter why he did what he did. All that matters now is you and your kids and what you will do next.
Great job getting that appointment, I hope it goes well and you're all clear. Have you made an appointment with a therapist? You'll need all the support you can get. A therapist will also help you to process your feelings and give you the tools and perspective to move forward even if you think you're not strong enough now.
Keep posting when you're able and know that you're not alone! It will really be ok in the end because you're strong and you're acting!