Joined
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6 Posts
It's a bit of a long story, but I'll try to narrow it down a tad....
I met him 4 years ago. I was a single mother, and he loved me anyway. He proposed, we found out we were pregnant (I was on birth control), got married, and everything seemed perfect. Six months after my youngest was born, I had a freak out moment.... I wanted to go out and enjoy our lives outside of being "grown ups", but he didn't want to hear it. I started going out with my friends instead. I ran into a friend I had for years, and one thing led to another. I continued the affair for a couple weeks, but couldn't take it much more. One night, his parents went through something that was extremely difficult for him to handle. He turned to me for support, but I felt like such a horrible person that I had to tell him what I had done. He cried, then begged me not to leave, then did something I never expected....
He told me that he wanted me to “show him that I love him.” He then proceeded to forcibly take off my clothes and force himself on me. I begged him to stop, and eventually, he did. I left that night with my children, and never went back. That was almost a year ago. Now I want people to know something about him before they call him bad names and tell me I need to report him…… He is an amazing person. He would bend over backwards for anyone and loves his children more than most people could ever dream of….. What he did that night was not him. He worships me, and he has been in therapy (so have I) ever since. Have I forgiven him? No…. But I understand it.
Here’s my problem…. I continued to see this man I had an affair with after my husband and I separated. Is he good for me? No. But he’s been there for me when I needed him the most. Everything I once felt for my husband, I now feel for him, but more… My husband wants to work this out. I wanted to as well recently, but when I try to feel something for him, nothing is there anymore. Nothing. I get angry a lot quicker with him, and I can’t stand even thinking about being intimate with him. I feel awful because this is all my fault. I had a sudden flash of selfishness that destroyed my entire family….. But I’m having a hard time forcing myself to love him again.
What do I do? Do I stay with the guy I had an affair with? Or do I try to fix my family? I know some will tell me to just be alone, and I promise, I did that for a couple months too. I’m just not happy anymore. My life is an absolute mess, and I want to make everyone happy, but it’s killing me………. Help me, please!

I met him 4 years ago. I was a single mother, and he loved me anyway. He proposed, we found out we were pregnant (I was on birth control), got married, and everything seemed perfect. Six months after my youngest was born, I had a freak out moment.... I wanted to go out and enjoy our lives outside of being "grown ups", but he didn't want to hear it. I started going out with my friends instead. I ran into a friend I had for years, and one thing led to another. I continued the affair for a couple weeks, but couldn't take it much more. One night, his parents went through something that was extremely difficult for him to handle. He turned to me for support, but I felt like such a horrible person that I had to tell him what I had done. He cried, then begged me not to leave, then did something I never expected....
He told me that he wanted me to “show him that I love him.” He then proceeded to forcibly take off my clothes and force himself on me. I begged him to stop, and eventually, he did. I left that night with my children, and never went back. That was almost a year ago. Now I want people to know something about him before they call him bad names and tell me I need to report him…… He is an amazing person. He would bend over backwards for anyone and loves his children more than most people could ever dream of….. What he did that night was not him. He worships me, and he has been in therapy (so have I) ever since. Have I forgiven him? No…. But I understand it.
Here’s my problem…. I continued to see this man I had an affair with after my husband and I separated. Is he good for me? No. But he’s been there for me when I needed him the most. Everything I once felt for my husband, I now feel for him, but more… My husband wants to work this out. I wanted to as well recently, but when I try to feel something for him, nothing is there anymore. Nothing. I get angry a lot quicker with him, and I can’t stand even thinking about being intimate with him. I feel awful because this is all my fault. I had a sudden flash of selfishness that destroyed my entire family….. But I’m having a hard time forcing myself to love him again.
What do I do? Do I stay with the guy I had an affair with? Or do I try to fix my family? I know some will tell me to just be alone, and I promise, I did that for a couple months too. I’m just not happy anymore. My life is an absolute mess, and I want to make everyone happy, but it’s killing me………. Help me, please!