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That "storm" you're in reminded me of this. It is from Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami:

“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.”
 

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Does anyone has any suggestion about the situation where my wife wants me to set her up with a male escort for a revenge betrayal sex?
  • I know if I beg her not to do it she will response "you have no right"
  • Even though I really don't want to, but it's got the point now that I just want to give up and get it over with, what's going to happen after?
You could tell her that if a qualified marriage counselor agrees that it's the best way forward, you'll consider it.

When you say you're "begging" her, maybe you mean something different from what I'm envisioning. If it's flat-out begging or pleading, I'd again advise you to approach it differently. With a tone of apologetic humility, just tell her that revenge infidelity won't help your recovery. If she says that she isn't interested in recovery, but just destructive revenge, then there's only one way forward. I understand that you want to fight for your family and marriage, but it might be time to cut your losses if she just refuses to reconcile. It can be hard to know when she's just lashing out verses truly set on burning it all down, so that's where a counselor can help.
 

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It is going to take a lot of hard work and time for you to redeem yourself. You are not going to be coddled and regardless of what you think it's really not what you want either. Okay, maybe it's what you want but it's not what you need.

There are some harsh posts, I'll give you that, but there is also a lot of good advice if you sort through it and take the emotion out of it. Some of it just isn't what you want to hear or do, but that doesn't mean it's bad advice.

You say divorce is the easy way out (it's not, there is no easy way out of this), but unless you are going to do the work then you aren't reconciling either. Just admitting that you were wrong is not enough. You may stay together but it will not be a true reconciliation and it will come back to bite you in the ass. You either do the work now or you do it later, but either way it needs to be done and as hard as it is... it's a hell of a lot easier to do it sooner rather than later.

Reconciliation is hard, hard work. If you can't take some criticism then I really don't think there is any chance of reconciliation working out. It's a hell of a lot harder and more excruciating than whatever will be said to you here.

You need to keep working on you, leave your wife alone. If she doesn't want to do MC right now then stop asking because it's not the right time anyway. I found out about my wife's cheating in Nov/18 and we didn't start MC until March/19 because that's when I was ready. What she wanted really didn't matter, and it doesn't matter for you either.

You've been given plenty of good advice on how to handle her RA request. As others have said, her doing that won't help, won't accomplish her goal, and it will make everything worse.
 

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Please refer her to Surviving Infidelity. Its another forum. It will allow her to receive others advise, and is separate from here so that you are both not crossing. If she is unwilling to get IC, this could be her outlet initially. If she does start posting there, ensure that you do not read, so that she can be comfortable in how she moves forward.
 

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Both of you need to remain away from each others postings. i.e. do not tell her about this place. It is your safe haven as Surviving Infidelity would be hers.
 

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Please refer her to Surviving Infidelity. Its another forum. It will allow her to receive others advise, and is separate from here so that you are both not crossing. If she is unwilling to get IC, this could be her outlet initially. If she does start posting there, ensure that you do not read, so that she can be comfortable in how she moves forward.
I won't recommend SI.
 

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Does anyone has any suggestion about the situation where my wife wants me to set her up with a male escort for a revenge betrayal sex?
  • I know if I beg her not to do it she will response "you have no right"
  • Even though I really don't want to, but it's got the point now that I just want to give up and get it over with, what's going to happen after?
Sure. Do you think it will help or hurt your marriage? If you think it will help then do it. If you think it will hurt then don't. That wasn't do you want to do it.
Personally I don't think it would help. But your wife is raging right now and she wants to find a way to make things equal.

When I was young if a friend smacked you then ran everyone knew that eventual the friend would have to let you smack them or the friendship was over. Obviously juvenile but somehow that worked for us. Once we smacked them back we were ok.

However if we apply that to your situation you wife would have to go to the male escort how many times? And she would probably just hate herself afterwards. I blame you for that as well.

Rage is rage. It is logical, loving, insightful. She hasn't moved past the rage yet. It will take time and there is nothing you can really do. You can give her space when she needs space. You can be the best partner you can be. You can answer an questions she has honestly. You can make sure all your devices, where abouts and trips out of the house are accounted for.

When she demands that you could try responding honestly. Of course I don't know your feelings so your feelings may not help her but this should be about building an honest relationship she can trust in again eventually. It may turn out that a relationship cannot be rebuilt. Somethings when broken can not be fixed.

My feelings or response would be....
Wife I understand why you are asking for this but I will not do this. I love you and understand that I broke something in you by visiting a prostitute but you won't find any comfort in this revenge. You'll probably just feel disgusted. I'll do what I can to help you. If you set it up. I'll drive you and wait outside to make sure you are safe.
 
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