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Discussion Starter #1
I cheated on my husband while we were separated for nearly 4 months. It started off as an emotional attachment then got a little physical (kissing and hands on bodies). After that had happened it felt so wrong that I began to cry and asked the other guy to leave and waited for my husband to call. But I couldn't tell him. A week or two went by and I was lonely again, and called the other guy. He came over and things went a little further yet again (oral). After that we knew it was done. So, he and I basically quit talking all together.

My husband, I guess saw it coming. Me having mentioned this other guy a lot (we work together) and my husband knew that he had taken me out for my birthday with a group of others.

I admitted everything to my husband, and a week later he moved in with me. (Already mid-move when he found out).

So we've been living together and adjusting to the married life for about 2 months now. Been married for 6. I am currently the only one working. He keeps moving money from my bank account to his to spend on, "Cigarettes and food" but i'm not seeing it.

I just don't know how to help him or make it easier. I'm basically bending over backwards to do anything that might help, and it's just not. Maybe even getting worse.

No need to tell me how awful I am. Believe me, I hate myself more than you would even like to know.
Just need some guidance.
 

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Why were you separated in the first place? What's the background story? Did you have a no dating understanding?
 

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You're married for 6 months, you separated for 4 months, and you're back together for 2 months?

So you separated right after your honeymoon?
 

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Why does he have access to your bank account??
 
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You're married for 6 months, you separated for 4 months, and you're back together for 2 months?

So you separated right after your honeymoon?
I was assuming married for 6 years. If not and it was 6 months, this is FUBAR.
 

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Your husband sounds like he needs to find work and get back on his feet. He can't concentrate on doing that while he's trying to get over your betrayal. File for annulment, get out of each others lives, and maybe down the road a ways, after you both have grown up a little, you can get back together.

Sounds to me to be a simple case of two people who are really not ready for marriage.
 

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There seems to be other issues in the relationship..Not that it absolves the cheating but why did you get back ? Why did you separate ? And you've been married for how long ?
 

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Discussion Starter #13
My husband and I were both in the Military. And were separated when my orders changed and I had to move first. I am 19 and he is 20 and he has been medically discharged from the military entirely. So now he has a fairly unstable job (he can't work when it rains or is too cold because the job is outdoors). After he was separated from the military he moved in with me. And he has been here for 2 months.

We only dated for about 3 months before we were married. Thinking we could handle the stresses of being apart. Evidently I was the one that couldn't.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
To help with the timeline. We met in April, Married in July, And then I moved away in August. Everything was fine at the time. After I left, He got a DUI in October. And then found out that I had cheated in December, along with being discharged AND moving in with me.
 

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The fact is, you aren't really wife material. Not yet anyway. You're both really REALLY young. And you dated for a very short period of time. You don't even know each other. Whatever you thought you had, it wasn't really love. Maybe it was some kind of infatuation. In any case, neither of you is ready for marriage. He's probably sticking around right now because he's broke and figures he has no options. But you'd both be better off long term if you divorced or annulled or whatever and just went your separate ways. This is no way to start a life-long relationship. No way to make a solid foundation for marriage success. You cheated on him when you only knew him for 3 months. It's basically like cheating while on your honeymoon. It's prima facia evidence that you don't have actual feelings for him.

Actually the whole thing makes me wonder if you just married to get the extra BAS and BAH.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
I didn't marry for the money. That wasn't even a thought that crossed my mind until after I moved. But being married very quickly, and young. I was definitely nervous. But went ahead with it anyways. Our parents knew, and were a little shaken by it. But I had met his and he mine and everyone got along.

Building a solid foundation for marriage? Yes I agree that its an incredibly important part of it all. And I just kind of smashed it with a sledge hammer while it needed to be coddled.

I just don't know if its worth salvaging. I don't want to be miserable every single day, and I don't want him to suffer with it either. But I'm willing to work for it if he lets me.
 

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The fact is, you aren't really wife material.
Yep. You we're not ready, he's was not ready. Take note of your mistakes and don't try to fix what broke so quickly. There way too much water over the bridge. It was a learning experience

Lessons: most people are not the exception to statistical fact. Don't marry after 2-3 months, don't put yourself in vulnerable situations, and for him; he needs to be a man and provide. Discharged from the military and doesn't hold a stable job? Well if he doesn't change then being respected by his woman won't last. Maybe it's not his fault but that doesn't matter to human nature. It's tiring to see the same types of mistakes over and over and I hope you're one who learns from it and doesn't let it be a pattern.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
I've already stood before about 20 high ranking military "bosses" of mine. Who yelled, and made me feel about an inch tall. I wrote a letter describing what I would feel if the roles were reversed. I have to work with the "other guy" on a daily basis; though not directly. But we're both still around base. And then come home and deal with everything going on at home. I'm not denying that I was wrong. I just don't know if its worth it to my husband for me to try and fix it. I'm afraid that it will always be too much to ever move on from. So do we spend the time to try?
 

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I've already stood before about 20 high ranking military "bosses" of mine. Who yelled, and made me feel about an inch tall. I wrote a letter describing what I would feel if the roles were reversed. I have to work with the "other guy" on a daily basis; though not directly. But we're both still around base. And then come home and deal with everything going on at home. I'm not denying that I was wrong. I just don't know if its worth it to my husband for me to try and fix it. I'm afraid that it will always be too much to ever move on from. So do we spend the time to try?
Are you mature enough to not have unnecessary contact with the "other guy."

You are young and have made some very poor and immature decisions.
Spending time to try depends on how serious you value your marriage.Are you mature enough to put on your big girl undies and try?

Reconciling a marriage is not for the faint-hearted or quitters. It takes stamina and dealing with the bad days as well as the good.
If you have to ask us should you try..then you already have your answer.
We can't decide if you should try..you should.
 
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