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We've been together for more than 20 years but I had an Internet based affair (never any physical contact) that's was both sexual and emotional. 8 weeks ago I confessed everything after my wife discovered messages between the OW and I on my phone. The affair lasted 18 months. distrust and pain are at an all time high. We've been arguing, and she's opened separate bank accounts. She's contacted a lawyer. She wants a legal separation. I have been going to IC and have begged her to go to couples counseling but she's adamantly refused. This is not the first time I've betrayed her. I flirted with a close female friend online many years ago. Same outcome. I went to counseling alone.
I know I am the only responsible party when it comes to the affair. I could have and should have not sought out the attention of another. It started out sexual and became emotional too. Social media allowed anonymity and fantasy to be fulfilled. I have cut off all contact since the affair. Confessed everything I've ever done, but we are at an impasse.
I know I cannot force her to do anything, but I truly love her and our family very much and committed to doing the hard work it takes to repair and rebuild our marriage. She has always been my best friend and a wonderful mother. We've just drifted apart emotionally and physically over the years, which is what motivates my infidelity.
We are still in the same house, but the tension is awful.
Any advice on what to read or how to proceed in a no threatening way to get her to stay with me? I firmly believe that divorce will be awful for us both as I know we both still love one another and are hurting tremendously. I feel that I'd rather give every last ounce of energy to saving the marriage as opposed to ending it.
Any help would be appreciated.
Thank you.
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I know I am the only responsible party when it comes to the affair. I could have and should have not sought out the attention of another. It started out sexual and became emotional too. Social media allowed anonymity and fantasy to be fulfilled. I have cut off all contact since the affair. Confessed everything I've ever done, but we are at an impasse.
I know I cannot force her to do anything, but I truly love her and our family very much and committed to doing the hard work it takes to repair and rebuild our marriage. She has always been my best friend and a wonderful mother. We've just drifted apart emotionally and physically over the years, which is what motivates my infidelity.
We are still in the same house, but the tension is awful.
Any advice on what to read or how to proceed in a no threatening way to get her to stay with me? I firmly believe that divorce will be awful for us both as I know we both still love one another and are hurting tremendously. I feel that I'd rather give every last ounce of energy to saving the marriage as opposed to ending it.
Any help would be appreciated.
Thank you.
Posted via Mobile Device