My husband and I have been married for 4 years, together for 8. We have 2 children, and I currently am a stay at home mom.
Starting at the beginning.. was my brothers friend..years passed, and I had a bf, he had a gf.. we each left them to be together. 2 months later, I was pregnant.. I gave him the chance to leave, I wasn't afraid of doing it on my own. We already were nit picky with each other, he was into drugs, and playing video games.. made me walk about a mile in the winter while I was 8 months pregnant, because he "forgot" what time I got off work - instead he was with a friend..
He isn't always this way - there has been good times, but only seemed to be good until he got his way.
Anyway, I found out that he had a 3 month relationship (mainly sex) another woman, but I didn't find out for almost 2 years later.. he denied it, and so did she.. then her friend was friends with my sister -and felt bad about the whole situation, and wound up getting proof for me.. So it was out! He cheated on me! By this time, I had left him already 3-4 times.. but for some reason - I didn't leave him this time.. I don't know if it was my insecurities of how could he cheat on me with "her". What did I do, etc.???..
Just 6 months later, I stood up in my Uncle/Aunts wedding - with the guy who has had a crush on me for several years.. My husband ended up staying home with our son, because he was vomiting the night before, and wasn't feeling good the day of the wedding. So, ... of course the crush kept flirting, mixed with alcohol. I ended up going to his place, and making out. I couldn't get the nerve to just have sex with him, it was wrong for me to even be there. So I walked home, and my husband was waiting up on the couch when I walked in. I told him instantly---and he was crushed! I wont belittle what I did, but he said, "now I know how it feels, I would never do that again"..
Even after all that - we ended up getting married, the day before the wedding, he was questioning if it was the right thing.. I know, could be nerves.. but it brought out a fight! We fought the night of our wedding - and separated until the next day.. I guess I should have realized then, I shouldn't have gotten married! But I aim to please, and by me cancelling - it would hurt him, and upset both our families. Thats my problem, I don't do what I think I should in fear I will hurt someone.
We kept having problems, upon problems.. he moved out, and we were planning a divorce, we got the papers.. started talking about visits for our son, etc.. but then when I became lonely, or him.. we'd start texting, or visiting eachother - and wound up having sex... I got PREGNANT! We were split up, and I got pregant by HIM.. This is what he wanted, he knew that he was losing me, and me getting pregnant was his way to keep me.
To try and work on things, he suggested we move away from all our problems and start new.. so we moved 200 miles away from our friends and family. me with no job, and him just starting one. It wasn't even a month that went by, and already I was ready to move back. He has this control freak, temper - that if something does not go his way - he talks down to me, etc.. I was crying EVERY DAY.. I was depressed, unhappy, and just wanted to be with someone who cared about me.. 7 months go by, and our daughter is born.. A month goes by, and he starts talking about possibly taking a break from eachother.. for me and the kids to move back, etc. I didn't want anything to do with it, because if I left, he would start sleeping with someone. So, instead of a break - we just went there for what was suppose to be for a week without him. The day before we were to come back, I was up with the baby feeding her, and just happened to log into his fb account.. and checked in his messages.. and there it was. a long message telling his ex that he wants to be with her, and asking her if there is a chance of it. he never stopped loving her, etc... So, I reacted right away - I text him and said I wanted a divorce.. the morning came, and he text me back not knowing what (or acting like he didn't know) I was talking about.. without me responding to him, he brought it up on his own, and claimed he only said those things because he thought we would be getting a divorce soon, and he wanted her on the back burner.. I stayed for almost 2 months, and finally after being talked back into coming home with the promise of him telling her off, so.. I did! The first week went great! he tried everything he could! He finally gave me his fb password again, so again - one morning I checked his messages... and what he thought he deleted , but instead archived it. was a message to her saying that I found out, etc....and that he wants to see her face to face.. and this was sent out the day after he told me that he wanted me and only me, etc.. I did not tell him I found this at that time, because I wanted to see if there would be anymore messages... (in the mean time) She ended up texting him, "Happy easter".. I know its not any bad text, but if she can text him that..then there also has been other texts.. He told me he couldn't tell her off, because it would hurt her!! I said, "Dont you care that it hurt me?? That you are hurting me?"" and then it came to he doesnt care, its not that big of a deal, etc... I later found out from her that they have been talking to eachother, and have met up during our entire relationship. That broke me!! and he still didnt care.
Now with what I think is everything is out.. he has the attitude of he doesn't care anymore - if I don't like it, I can leave... or he can do what he wants, because he doesn't care how I feel. He told me the day before our 4 year anniversary that he does not love me, and hasn't for some time... and I started crying, and all he cared about was that he wouldn't have a good time (New Years is our Anniversary) celebrating.. Didn't care that what he said hurt me..
Here's what he says he wants in order to give me the relationship I want/ or deserve.. Right now he is the only one working..and I'm taking care of the kids, and the house and actively looking for a job. He doesn't like the fact that I don't go over the top with certain things.. The house is always clean, but because I could do more with the house - as in scrub the bathtub, etc.. that I'm not doing my part.. He wants a woman! Or that, I could be standing more firm with our son.. that he only gets to see during the weekend, when he decides to get up..
I really am at a lost of what to do.. I love him, but I don't think I am "in love" with him..and I am really am not sure why I love him! Right now, my daughters 1st birthday is coming up, and then my son's 7th bday is the month after, and with me not having a job, I worry about how they will have their party.... along with my son being in school... I think about leaving all the time, that I can leave once school is over... and then times where I really try to make it work, and then am told again, how I'm not being who he wants me to be.. He says it all the time that we wont be together too much longer.. How am I suppose to be that woman for him, when first of all, he doesn't love me, and second because he isn't even recognizing what I AM doing!
I really believe its a divorce relationship, but I can't seem to get out of it! What should I do?? I already feel like a fool - I moved back with ALL of my stuff in the beginning of October ,and moved back again a month later...just to have him tell me now that I'm at fault...and overlooks what he doesn't do or did!
Please, what can I do???
Starting at the beginning.. was my brothers friend..years passed, and I had a bf, he had a gf.. we each left them to be together. 2 months later, I was pregnant.. I gave him the chance to leave, I wasn't afraid of doing it on my own. We already were nit picky with each other, he was into drugs, and playing video games.. made me walk about a mile in the winter while I was 8 months pregnant, because he "forgot" what time I got off work - instead he was with a friend..
He isn't always this way - there has been good times, but only seemed to be good until he got his way.
Anyway, I found out that he had a 3 month relationship (mainly sex) another woman, but I didn't find out for almost 2 years later.. he denied it, and so did she.. then her friend was friends with my sister -and felt bad about the whole situation, and wound up getting proof for me.. So it was out! He cheated on me! By this time, I had left him already 3-4 times.. but for some reason - I didn't leave him this time.. I don't know if it was my insecurities of how could he cheat on me with "her". What did I do, etc.???..
Just 6 months later, I stood up in my Uncle/Aunts wedding - with the guy who has had a crush on me for several years.. My husband ended up staying home with our son, because he was vomiting the night before, and wasn't feeling good the day of the wedding. So, ... of course the crush kept flirting, mixed with alcohol. I ended up going to his place, and making out. I couldn't get the nerve to just have sex with him, it was wrong for me to even be there. So I walked home, and my husband was waiting up on the couch when I walked in. I told him instantly---and he was crushed! I wont belittle what I did, but he said, "now I know how it feels, I would never do that again"..
Even after all that - we ended up getting married, the day before the wedding, he was questioning if it was the right thing.. I know, could be nerves.. but it brought out a fight! We fought the night of our wedding - and separated until the next day.. I guess I should have realized then, I shouldn't have gotten married! But I aim to please, and by me cancelling - it would hurt him, and upset both our families. Thats my problem, I don't do what I think I should in fear I will hurt someone.
We kept having problems, upon problems.. he moved out, and we were planning a divorce, we got the papers.. started talking about visits for our son, etc.. but then when I became lonely, or him.. we'd start texting, or visiting eachother - and wound up having sex... I got PREGNANT! We were split up, and I got pregant by HIM.. This is what he wanted, he knew that he was losing me, and me getting pregnant was his way to keep me.
To try and work on things, he suggested we move away from all our problems and start new.. so we moved 200 miles away from our friends and family. me with no job, and him just starting one. It wasn't even a month that went by, and already I was ready to move back. He has this control freak, temper - that if something does not go his way - he talks down to me, etc.. I was crying EVERY DAY.. I was depressed, unhappy, and just wanted to be with someone who cared about me.. 7 months go by, and our daughter is born.. A month goes by, and he starts talking about possibly taking a break from eachother.. for me and the kids to move back, etc. I didn't want anything to do with it, because if I left, he would start sleeping with someone. So, instead of a break - we just went there for what was suppose to be for a week without him. The day before we were to come back, I was up with the baby feeding her, and just happened to log into his fb account.. and checked in his messages.. and there it was. a long message telling his ex that he wants to be with her, and asking her if there is a chance of it. he never stopped loving her, etc... So, I reacted right away - I text him and said I wanted a divorce.. the morning came, and he text me back not knowing what (or acting like he didn't know) I was talking about.. without me responding to him, he brought it up on his own, and claimed he only said those things because he thought we would be getting a divorce soon, and he wanted her on the back burner.. I stayed for almost 2 months, and finally after being talked back into coming home with the promise of him telling her off, so.. I did! The first week went great! he tried everything he could! He finally gave me his fb password again, so again - one morning I checked his messages... and what he thought he deleted , but instead archived it. was a message to her saying that I found out, etc....and that he wants to see her face to face.. and this was sent out the day after he told me that he wanted me and only me, etc.. I did not tell him I found this at that time, because I wanted to see if there would be anymore messages... (in the mean time) She ended up texting him, "Happy easter".. I know its not any bad text, but if she can text him that..then there also has been other texts.. He told me he couldn't tell her off, because it would hurt her!! I said, "Dont you care that it hurt me?? That you are hurting me?"" and then it came to he doesnt care, its not that big of a deal, etc... I later found out from her that they have been talking to eachother, and have met up during our entire relationship. That broke me!! and he still didnt care.
Now with what I think is everything is out.. he has the attitude of he doesn't care anymore - if I don't like it, I can leave... or he can do what he wants, because he doesn't care how I feel. He told me the day before our 4 year anniversary that he does not love me, and hasn't for some time... and I started crying, and all he cared about was that he wouldn't have a good time (New Years is our Anniversary) celebrating.. Didn't care that what he said hurt me..
Here's what he says he wants in order to give me the relationship I want/ or deserve.. Right now he is the only one working..and I'm taking care of the kids, and the house and actively looking for a job. He doesn't like the fact that I don't go over the top with certain things.. The house is always clean, but because I could do more with the house - as in scrub the bathtub, etc.. that I'm not doing my part.. He wants a woman! Or that, I could be standing more firm with our son.. that he only gets to see during the weekend, when he decides to get up..
I really am at a lost of what to do.. I love him, but I don't think I am "in love" with him..and I am really am not sure why I love him! Right now, my daughters 1st birthday is coming up, and then my son's 7th bday is the month after, and with me not having a job, I worry about how they will have their party.... along with my son being in school... I think about leaving all the time, that I can leave once school is over... and then times where I really try to make it work, and then am told again, how I'm not being who he wants me to be.. He says it all the time that we wont be together too much longer.. How am I suppose to be that woman for him, when first of all, he doesn't love me, and second because he isn't even recognizing what I AM doing!
I really believe its a divorce relationship, but I can't seem to get out of it! What should I do?? I already feel like a fool - I moved back with ALL of my stuff in the beginning of October ,and moved back again a month later...just to have him tell me now that I'm at fault...and overlooks what he doesn't do or did!
Please, what can I do???