I'm a weak pathetic man. My wife runs the the show for the most part. I don't have a job. I am relying on her to keep a roof over our heads. I stay home and watch our daughter and try to take care of things around the house. My wife doesn't respect me. I doubt she wants me sexually. You know when a person is attracted to you and she is not! I am too spineless to do anything about it. I always have been. I am stuck and trapped just like I always was. I don't want to live away from our daughter. Yet, I live in a sexless loveless marriage. I try to change but I don't.
We're not born with a roadmap in our heads on how to get from the point where we first become aware of ourselves and our own identity, to full maturity as a person.
We have parents, we have role models, we have teachers and society that attempts to influence us. But, often we have things that along the way divert our travel, or we fail to understand the path we're on and thus, do not travel down it.
The problem here, is that you realize you're not where you want to be. But I see you asking how to get there. That's your first clue.
You chose "but honest" in your nickname. Now it's time to start living up to that. How did you arrive at being married with children...and not recognize your lack of maturation?
Or was it ok for a while, and now things have gotten out of hand, and now you suddenly find life extremely dissatisfying?
Start being honest, now. You know your own flaws, right? If not, your wife will be happy to help you learn all of them.
Maturation is not about nearly as much about learning secret knowledge, as it's about developing better habits. Unlearning bad ones and making good ones. So, you're not employed. You want to be? Then start learning to be prompt, productive, focused on what you do. Learn useful skills, including language, communication, and a serious attitude.
You have to learn patience. You have to stop focusing on your self. Successful people are never self-centered. Unsuccessful people often are. You've allowed your wife to control everything. Maybe it's because it was easier. If so, stop taking the easy way out. Take the RIGHT way from now on. Generally it's not really any tougher than the easy way, certainly the rewards are better.
And from now on, stop justifying what you do. Stop, look at the situation and say "what should be the outcome or circumstances here?" And decide that based on responsibility, concern, and compassion. Then, start modifying the choices you make so that the outcomes start matching that.
YOU have made choices all along. Maybe default ones by just going with the flow or whatever, but everything is always a choice. So, accept that the choices really are yours that you've made, and now you're going to change those choices.
Write a journal. Tell yourself the stupid things you've done. Write down the choices you need to make and what you want to do. Then look at it later and say "is that the justified choice, or is it the choice that looks like the responsible, honest, achieving adult would make?" And change it if you need to.
All of this requires your honesty. Decide. Now. Irrevocably.
Or, this post is just someone shining us all on. Seriously. I chose to believe it's not, even though it seemed unbelievable to me.
Now go get busy. YOu have an entire life to change and the amount of work ahead of you is staggering. But it's not impossible, nor as hard as you might think it is. Get busy.
