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Discussion Starter #1
I'm a weak pathetic man. My wife runs the the show for the most part. I don't have a job. I am relying on her to keep a roof over our heads. I stay home and watch our daughter and try to take care of things around the house. My wife doesn't respect me. I doubt she wants me sexually. You know when a person is attracted to you and she is not! I am too spineless to do anything about it. I always have been. I am stuck and trapped just like I always was. I don't want to live away from our daughter. Yet, I live in a sexless loveless marriage. I try to change but I don't.
 

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Wow. You sound like a real catch. Examine what you just wrote. Would YOU be in love with someone like that? Pull yer britches up and work on becoming a man.

Someone will be along soon to give you some links to reading material.
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what do you do to try and change? this is your third post about how useless you are - get some help whatever form it might take but do SOMETHING.

what attracted your wife to you in the first place? how long have you been jobless? do you work out? do you do anything?

self-pity is v. unattractive
 

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Wow. You sound like a real catch. Examine what you just wrote. Would YOU be in love with someone like that? Pull yer britches up and work on becoming a man.

Someone will be along soon to give you some links to reading material.
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:iagree:

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Nothing will change unless you do, and that's where the problem begins and ends, IMO.

To get your W's respect, you have to love and respect yourself enough to get your life back. It might be difficult from a position of dependency, but you could start by setting goals and working towards them on a daily basis. I should think that working hard on finding a job in order to support yourself and help support your family is the first step, and I'd make that my number one priority each day until I found one.
 
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I agree the change has to start with me. I have to change and respect myself. I have to find the job. I have to become the man I am supposed to be. Believe me, I have been trying for years. But now I am in my 50s and I see that nothing has changed. In fact, the more things change the more they stay the same!!!
 
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With the fall of out previous government the political parties that will form the new government are changing the law on contracting significantly. Basically it will be harder to keep a job as firing will be easier for the employer but finding new jobs will be much easier as there's less need to go.through extensive solicitation procedures and the barrier of age will be less severe. I'm not sure how the situation s in the USA but I expect its still problematic to find a job over 50? Such a demoralizing way to live... I feel your pain.
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You sound like you've given up. Don't. There are people you've never even met in this world that are pulling for you and hoping you get back on your feet.

Don't give up.
 

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I agree the change has to start with me. I have to change and respect myself. I have to find the job. I have to become the man I am supposed to be. Believe me, I have been trying for years. But now I am in my 50s and I see that nothing has changed. In fact, the more things change the more they stay the same!!!
Ok so now you realize you have not been pulling your weight and your wife is resentfully and undesiring of you.

so what are you going to do about it?


one step at a time.
1. start looking for a job. tell everybody you know and put good effort to find a decent job.
2, start taking care of yourself exercise,get good sleep. no drugs or alcohol.
3. start courting your wife.
4.quit wallowing in self pitty.
5.pray.....pray about finding a job and getting yourself turned around.
6. believe you can do it. millions of people are doing it everyday.
7. come back here and tell us you did it.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Thank you to the intelligent supporting replies here.
I will take your intelligent advice. I appreciate it.
There is a problem. I can't keep a job when I get one. I have issues. Poor self esteem, no confidence, a temper. I hate to admit it, but these things are true. Having said that, I believe I am capable, skilled and somewhat intelligent. I come from a household that had very poor male role models. I guess it shaped me somewhat. However, I know I can't blame other people. The problem is within me and the solution is within me. I will pray.
 

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"Can't" never could do anything. Lose that word from your vocabulary. You CAN get a job. You CAN keep one. You are over half a century old. Maybe you had piss-poor role models over 4 decades ago. That's sad, but it's history. Until you actually get a job, you don't "try" to take care of things at home. You take care of them the way they ought to be handled. If you don't believe in you, no woman will and no employer will. Get your focus off any limitations you believe you have and work with what you have. That'll be more than enough. You're about my age, so odds are very good you picked up some of the same values regarding work that I did. That's why I work circles around most of these kids. Older workers are highly prized by many companies. They know how to tell time. They don't mind working overtime and shift work. They don't believe a job is an interruption of their vacation time. Even if you don't "feel" like a confident man, start functioning like one. Tomorrow, pretend someone is hiring just one employee to take care of the home and your daughter. There are dozens of applicants. The job pays $100K with sweet bennies. You get 8 hours to prove you deserve the job. I'm as serious as a heart attack. Put your heart into your work like your kid will starve unless you get the job. You have beat yourself down with a series of lies. You can just as easily build yourself up. The world is chock full of sorry victims and it won't care if you wish to be one more. There's a strong, proud, hard-working man inside of you who's damned tired of sitting on the bench.
 

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Thank you to the intelligent supporting replies here.
I will take your intelligent advice. I appreciate it.
There is a problem. I can't keep a job when I get one. I have issues. Poor self esteem, no confidence, a temper. I hate to admit it, but these things are true. Having said that, I believe I am capable, skilled and somewhat intelligent. I come from a household that had very poor male role models. I guess it shaped me somewhat. However, I know I can't blame other people. The problem is within me and the solution is within me. I will pray.
If poor self-esteem, temper, and no confidence are issues for you, see a doctor. They can either get you to a professional that can help or prescribe you some medication to get you started. Those issues that you have are with yourself. Trust me, it won't get better until you do something about it!
 

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I'm a weak pathetic man. My wife runs the the show for the most part. I don't have a job. I am relying on her to keep a roof over our heads. I stay home and watch our daughter and try to take care of things around the house. My wife doesn't respect me. I doubt she wants me sexually. You know when a person is attracted to you and she is not! I am too spineless to do anything about it. I always have been. I am stuck and trapped just like I always was. I don't want to live away from our daughter. Yet, I live in a sexless loveless marriage. I try to change but I don't.
We're not born with a roadmap in our heads on how to get from the point where we first become aware of ourselves and our own identity, to full maturity as a person.

We have parents, we have role models, we have teachers and society that attempts to influence us. But, often we have things that along the way divert our travel, or we fail to understand the path we're on and thus, do not travel down it.

The problem here, is that you realize you're not where you want to be. But I see you asking how to get there. That's your first clue.

You chose "but honest" in your nickname. Now it's time to start living up to that. How did you arrive at being married with children...and not recognize your lack of maturation?

Or was it ok for a while, and now things have gotten out of hand, and now you suddenly find life extremely dissatisfying?

Start being honest, now. You know your own flaws, right? If not, your wife will be happy to help you learn all of them.

Maturation is not about nearly as much about learning secret knowledge, as it's about developing better habits. Unlearning bad ones and making good ones. So, you're not employed. You want to be? Then start learning to be prompt, productive, focused on what you do. Learn useful skills, including language, communication, and a serious attitude.

You have to learn patience. You have to stop focusing on your self. Successful people are never self-centered. Unsuccessful people often are. You've allowed your wife to control everything. Maybe it's because it was easier. If so, stop taking the easy way out. Take the RIGHT way from now on. Generally it's not really any tougher than the easy way, certainly the rewards are better.

And from now on, stop justifying what you do. Stop, look at the situation and say "what should be the outcome or circumstances here?" And decide that based on responsibility, concern, and compassion. Then, start modifying the choices you make so that the outcomes start matching that.

YOU have made choices all along. Maybe default ones by just going with the flow or whatever, but everything is always a choice. So, accept that the choices really are yours that you've made, and now you're going to change those choices.

Write a journal. Tell yourself the stupid things you've done. Write down the choices you need to make and what you want to do. Then look at it later and say "is that the justified choice, or is it the choice that looks like the responsible, honest, achieving adult would make?" And change it if you need to.

All of this requires your honesty. Decide. Now. Irrevocably.

Or, this post is just someone shining us all on. Seriously. I chose to believe it's not, even though it seemed unbelievable to me.

Now go get busy. YOu have an entire life to change and the amount of work ahead of you is staggering. But it's not impossible, nor as hard as you might think it is. Get busy.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Great response people! I read your replies and will re-read them. I appreciate your feedback and your help.

Right now I am going to try to get a better username for this forum.
See you soon.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Whatever you call decide to call yourself, get back with us and let us share the joy of your progress. We could use a little good news around here!
Thank you! I asked to be called Mr.PotentialFulfilled. LOL Sorry for the corniness. But it has to be better than the username I am using now.

I appreciate everyone's wisdom. I feel like there is hope. As long as I am honest with myself and who I am I will do well. I have a lot of good qualities but I also have some negative traits I should finally overcome. I WILL overcome.
 
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