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Married 28 yrs., Dated in High school @15 years old. Had first child 18. Married at 21. We have 3 children and 3 grand children. Right now I am at the point that I am totally disgusted by all he does to the point that we have not...this is crazy but for at least 18 years I have not kissed him. He has several bad habits that I am getting to the point that I am refusing to live with, Hygiene I can't lay by you if you smell! but then these are not so big but they get under my skin nonetheless...not being considerate about how to scrape your plate before leaving it to be washed, leaving things out after being done with it, not washing your hands before touching food...and that is just the tip of the iceberg. I have mentioned it several times and I have said "I am not the maid!!!" It has gotten to the point that I do not want him to touch me, and if he does I just tighten up and grit my teeth. I avoid going to bed until around 3 am In hopes that he does not wake up, in which alot of the times I fall right to sleep. I really don't sleep well maybe 2 hrs And i just end up waking right back up but eventually I fall back to sleep for another 4-5 hrs. I know alot of this is stemming from resenting him for not wanting me to go to school on two separate occasions that I mentioned to him, 1. becoming a Designer 2. becoming a Massage Therapist, when I spoke of doing these he was very adamant about both situations. He did not mind when I was there for him while he went to school to further his education. We don't do anything together our children have children and he has a job and I am out of work and have been for a few years. I have kept myself busy with the grands by keeping them while their parents work but now it is time for me to work and he gets upset because he feels that I am not looking for a job. We were visiting a relative of his in the hospital and another visitor inquired if I was working and I answered her and was about to say something else and I changed my mind and she responded by saying "I don't want to pressure you" and "he says NO, pressure her!" Totally uncalled for response. Well, I am at my wits end I don't want to be here anymore. I like him but I am not in love with him. I am to the point that I want to just go off and be by myself the rest of my life. Being in my 40's I know that this is not the way I should be feeling but I have no feelings for him and I just need to get away from this situation. I am angry because I know that I am suppose to stay and make it work but all the time wishing that I had not done this. I put everyone else before me and it is making my life miserable and it has been for at least 25 years. All the kids had to have the same father, I couldn't look like the failure. Being young and naive and now alot older and wiser but not wise enough to know how to handle this situation..."til death do you part! Had I known!! :banghead:
 

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Two choices…

Get out.

Or get help together.

You have built up resentments to him that have begun to encompass your entire life together. He has noticed these things, and has totally resolved himself from life and hygiene, thus further grossing you out. Aside from being lazy and not helping around the house of course… But this was no surprise was it?
So either get out and move on, or decide to quit this path, and steer the two of you into a rewarding life together. One that you can not only enjoy your kids and grandkids together, but each other too. But you will most likely need couples and even individual counseling to get there. And even with that counseling, you may find that you want to go. But you have to take a step either way.
 
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