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Discussion Starter #1
My husband and I are trying to concieve. We have encountered nothing but negativity outside of our close friends and family about having children. We are young and we know that, but the negativity really doesn't help our situation or make things any easier for us. I'm at my wits end with it, and I'd hate to break contact with people just because of something so stupid. I don't understand what the big issue is. It's our life, why can't they live and let live?
 

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Perhaps they are trying to look out for your best interest? How old are you all? Any major health or mental concerns? Money issues? Is it just one or two people thats being negative about it? Or lots of family members? In the end, the decision will come down to you and your husband, but right now we need more details about whats going on.
 

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You don't say how old you and your H are, nor what sort of negativity you're experiencing, OP. Generally, though, I find that not discussing sensitive issues with people gives them no room for comment.
 
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Like you said, it's your life and ultimately it is your decision as a couple to have a child. Without knowing all the details, maybe you can explain to these naysayers that their negativity is bothering you and you would prefer them to be more constructive if they must have an opinion.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Well how old are you? Are you both financially stable?
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We are both 23, I will be 24 next month. We wouldn't be trying to have a baby if we weren't financially stable.
Perhaps they are trying to look out for your best interest? How old are you all? Any major health or mental concerns? Money issues? Is it just one or two people thats being negative about it? Or lots of family members? In the end, the decision will come down to you and your husband, but right now we need more details about whats going on.
There is no best interest to look out for though. Them being negative is also FAR from looking out for our best interest. I sometimes feel they are being negative just for the sake of being negative. There are not really any major health issues or concerns or any financial issues. It's more than one or two. It seems like none of them can say anything to me because they don't want me to know that they know we are trying. I really do'nt see what other details can be needed? If there are specifics, ask.
You don't say how old you and your H are, nor what sort of negativity you're experiencing, OP. Generally, though, I find that not discussing sensitive issues with people gives them no room for comment.
It's negativity in gossip. People around us have some how found out that we are trying to have a baby and have nothing but mean and negative things to say to others and the things that are being said to me are hinting that I am making a bad decision without saying it to my face. They won't come out and say "We know you are trying and we don't think it's a good idea for X reason", it's more of "I hope you two don't have kids any time soon", "You aren't planning on having kids for a few more years right", "You two know that this isn't a good time for kids because of X", "It's a good thing you've been smart enough not to get pregnant" etc. I have NOT discussed these issues with these people, and outside of them finding me discussing this kind of stuff on support forums I don't know how they found out. Unless of course someone close to me can't keep their mouth shut.
Like you said, it's your life and ultimately it is your decision as a couple to have a child. Without knowing all the details, maybe you can explain to these naysayers that their negativity is bothering you and you would prefer them to be more constructive if they must have an opinion.
I have tried to say it politely, but it doesn't seem to get anywhere. Things like "Thanks, but we will make those decisions as a couple, without outside input". Saying something more will just create more problems it seems.
 

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We are both 23, I will be 24 next month. We wouldn't be trying to have a baby if we weren't financially stable.

There is no best interest to look out for though. Them being negative is also FAR from looking out for our best interest. I sometimes feel they are being negative just for the sake of being negative. There are not really any major health issues or concerns or any financial issues. It's more than one or two. It seems like none of them can say anything to me because they don't want me to know that they know we are trying. I really do'nt see what other details can be needed? If there are specifics, ask.

It's negativity in gossip. People around us have some how found out that we are trying to have a baby and have nothing but mean and negative things to say to others and the things that are being said to me are hinting that I am making a bad decision without saying it to my face. They won't come out and say "We know you are trying and we don't think it's a good idea for X reason", it's more of "I hope you two don't have kids any time soon", "You aren't planning on having kids for a few more years right", "You two know that this isn't a good time for kids because of X", "It's a good thing you've been smart enough not to get pregnant" etc. I have NOT discussed these issues with these people, and outside of them finding me discussing this kind of stuff on support forums I don't know how they found out. Unless of course someone close to me can't keep their mouth shut.

I have tried to say it politely, but it doesn't seem to get anywhere. Things like "Thanks, but we will make those decisions as a couple, without outside input". Saying something more will just create more problems it seems.
I see. It does seem a difficult situation. 23/24 is pretty young, but I always say as long as a couple is committed to one another and financially stable - why not start a family? Our son arrived when I was 22 and my wife 21, and we were far from financially stable! Here we are, almost 10 years later though :)

I know you probably can't do this with your family, but maybe you should step back a bit from these friends. Like you said, you don't need the negativity.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
We have been trying to concieve since we were 18 years old.
No one knows the true struggle we have been through, or the emotions that we feel on a day to day basis. I hate to seem like a horrible person for cutting people out or moving them away, but I can't deal with the negativity. They aren't in my position, and they have no idea what they are talking about. I hate to be rude,but I sometimes feel that I don't have any other option.
 

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I'm assuming you all have been to the doctor? You both have been checked for fertility issues? What kinds of negative things are they saying?
 

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the negativity really doesn't help our situation or make things any easier for us. I'm at my wits end with it, and I'd hate to break contact with people
Why? Your outside relationships are voluntary. It people outside your marriage are affecting you and your husband in a negative fashion, it seems to me that it is your duty to break contact with them. You surely have enough on your plate already. Find some new friends that have a different view on family creation
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Some of them really aren't voluntary unfortunately. I want to cut people off but I don't want to seem like a b****.
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Some of them really aren't voluntary unfortunately. I want to cut people off but I don't want to seem like a b****.
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Sometimes we can't always be Mr. Nice Guy. Ask them to keep their comments to themselves and if they are repeatedly unable to do that, warn them that you may have to retreat from your relationship
 

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Discussion Starter #14
I'm assuming you all have been to the doctor? You both have been checked for fertility issues? What kinds of negative things are they saying?
I have been, I've got several severe issues.
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It's really pretty amazing what medical science can do these days. Infertility is one of the most difficult things a couple can have to face. We had some problems but when we finally found the right doctor, he fixed us right up. The skills of the practitioner can make a big difference.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
We have seen multiple doctorsand at this point have been given little to no hope of natural conception. I've been told to start thinking about IVF, but cannot justify the tens of thousands of dollars that will cost us.
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like Ten_Year_hubby says....do not hesitate to break contact with those problem people. Find some new friends, try looking for some support groups for people that are having problems concieving, I am sure there are some out there.

It is no ones business what goes on in your personal relationship, what you are or are not trying to do. If it was us, we would limit the contact we had with those people.

As far as age, to me that does not matter. We had our daughter when I was 18 and my wife was 24. We raised a great kid, one that is going to be successful in her future.
 

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We have seen multiple doctorsand at this point have been given little to no hope of natural conception. I've been told to start thinking about IVF, but cannot justify the tens of thousands of dollars that will cost us.
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Natural conception is out of the question for a lot of people but medication and a schedule can do wonders. While you're saving your money, join a support group, try to get a word of mouth referrals and continue with the medication approach.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
I've failed all oral medications at this point. The only thing left is injections and IVF. I have no schedule to follow. I've been on a supportgroup for years. I'm the only one left out of those who were there when I joined. Everyone else has kids by now. It's so frustrating.
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As an adopted person I must suggest the obvious. There are so many children out there who NEED a loving family.

For those who feel strongly about conceiving their own "blood" just think of the friend who you love like a sibling. Families are made by love, not genetics.
 
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