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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
First post. I wasn't sure where to put this. I have been married for about a year and a half, but I am confused anymore she keeps saying I am manipulative, and that I emotionally abuse her. She has told me she still has feelings for her ex-boyfriend, even after five years. I love her with all my heart. What we are going through is basically crushing me. She up and quit her job which is making me worry about being able to pay anything. It seems like in the past maybe two months she has become a completely different person. She has tried alcohol which I don't approve of because I was raised that alcohol is not the wisest choice at all. She thinks I hate her friends because I don't approve of some of the choices they have made. I can't really talk to her because it always seems to end up being a yelling match. I have no clue what to do anymore I have pretty much given everything I can I don't know what else I can do. When this first started I recommended marriage counseling, but she wasn't willing to do it. I will take all the advice I can. I would love to rekindle the romance.
 

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Welcome to the forum!

Why is it she says you are manipulative and emotionally abusive? I think you should look at that first. If these allegations are true then it might explain some of her odd behavior as she is possibly seeking some kind of control over her life. Sometimes people make poor choices like drinking or quitting jobs, but these are often expressions of rebellion.

Please consider also that even if you don't think you are abusive or controlling, if she truly feels you are, then that is what you have to deal with. Reality is in the eye of the beholder, so you can't expect her to see yours if you don't look at this through her eyes, whether it's logical or not.

You need to be able to communicate without things degrading into a yelling match. At that point the coversation is generally two people trying to force their opinions on the other and neither is doing any real listening. Counseling might be a great thing for you two to improve your ability to communicate, but even if she won't go, it's only going to help if even one of you makes that effort.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I really do not know what causes her to say that. I am trying to stay calm when I talk to her, but it isn't always easy because I have always had an angry streak that usually happens at the wrong time, I have gotten better with controlling it, but probably not in the best way I think I end up closing it off. I try to but seeing things through her eyes is very difficult because she really doesn't tell me a lot of things about how she is feeling even when I do ask her, to me it seems like she talks to her ex more than she talks to me.
 

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Maybe she is viewing the angry streak and yelling as the emotional abuse and manipulation. If you feel yourself getting angry, you are better to stop and close off. Step back, calm down, regroup and try again to first hear her. She is saying something, and whether you agree or not it is how she feels so you should be willing to acknowledge it. Afterward perhaps she will be more open to hearing you state your side calmly.
 
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