I don't understand why he behave like a person who has double personalities. ...Does he have double personalities?
Pursuit, nobody on this forum can diagnose your H's issues. I can say, however, that the behaviors you describe are not consistent with the symptoms listed for multiple personality disorder (i.e., Dissociative PD), which is very rare. Rather, what you describe sounds much more like "black-white thinking," which is the type of all-or-nothing thinking commonly seen in people who have strong traits of NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) or BPD (Borderline PD).
He says he loves me so much, would do anything for me, would take great care of me...... and the most horrible things will come out of his mouth when he is angry at me.
This behavior is a good example of black-white thinking. My BPDer exW did the same thing. It occurs because, when a person suffers strong NPD or BPD traits, he will be very uncomfortable with uncertainties, ambiguities, and grey areas. This behavior will be especially evident in the frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like "you never" and "you always."
It also will be evident in the way a person categorizes everyone as "all good" or "all bad" -- and, in only ten seconds, will recategorize someone from one polar extreme to the other based solely on a minor infraction or comment. With NPDers and BPDers (i.e., those having strong traits of NPD or BPD), you never know what small thing will trigger them into recategorizing you.
Does he have personality disorder? What is it ?
Only a professional can determine whether his NPD or BPD traits are so severe as to satisfy 100% of the diagnostic criteria for having a full blown PD. Yet, it is important to keep in mind that NPD and BPD are "spectrum disorders," which means that we all have them to some degree.
That is, every adult on the planet occasionally exhibits all of the NPD and BPD traits, albeit at a low level if the person is emotionally healthy. Moreover, even when those traits fall well short of the diagnostic level for "having a PD," they can be sufficiently strong to undermine a marriage and destroy LTRs.
Further, it is not difficult -- after you've been living with a man for 7 years -- to spot strong occurrences of those traits (i.e., the red flags) if you will take time to learn what warning signs you should be looking for. The red flags are not hard to spot because there is nothing subtle about PD traits such as verbal abuse, temper tantrums, always being "Mr. Perfect," always being "The Victim," and black-white thinking.
Is he a person who has some kind of mood/temper control disorder?
When drug abuse and hormone changes are not an issue, the two most common causes of mood and anger issues are bipolar disorder and BPD. As I explained, nobody on this forum can tell you whether he has a full-blown disorder.
What I can say, however, is that the behaviors you describe are more consistent with the symptoms for BPD and NPD, not bipolar disorder. For a list of 12 differences between the classic traits of BPD and those of bipolar, see my post at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/anxiety-depression-relationships/59344-confused.html#post1175425
Ever since we got married, our situation started going downwards.
It is common, when one marries a person having strong NPD or BPD traits, for the courtship period to be wonderful and passionate and then -- shortly after the marriage ceremony is over -- for the relationship and great sex to go off a cliff.
He didn't like the reason we got married, because that's the only way for us to be together.
If your H actually does exhibit strong NPD or BPD traits, your relationship was going over the cliff -- and his unhappiness was certain to return -- no matter WHAT you did or WHEN you held the wedding. Hence, if he hadn't blamed you for the circumstantial need to marry suddenly, he would have blamed you for one of a thousand other reasons.
He will dredge up the past every time we argue.
This is called "kitchen sinking" because, while you are having an argument with him, he will complain about every past infraction or grievance against you, including the kitchen sink. When NPDers and BPDers are unhappy -- which they are much of the time -- they don't blame themselves. They will be convinced their spouse is to blame for their unhappiness because they believe they are "The Victim," always "The Victim."
To "validate" that false self image, they will keep a meticulous mental record of every misdeed or mistake (real or imagined) that you ever did. And that full list will be pulled out in nearly every argument -- no matter how small and petty the issue -- so as to validate their victim status. The result is that, while you are attempting to have a rational discussion about one issue, they will pull out an entire list of grievances, falsely claiming that they are all related.
he made me quit after few months, because he was ashamed of me working in a clothing store.
If he has strong NPD traits, he is very sensitive to appearances and how other people perceive him.
He calls me names, wh*re, pure stupidity, idiot, my brain is full of sh*t, ...Is his behavior verbal abuse?
Does the sun rise in the East and set in the West?
I completely lost my self confidence ... he is the Mr. Perfect, I am the pure stupidity, amazingly foolish.
If you are living with an NPDer or BPDer, consider yourself lucky if you are only feeling foolish and stupid. Living under those toxic circumstances is so utterly confusing and disorienting that it is common for the abused spouses to run to a therapist to find out if they are losing their minds. For that reason, therapists see far more abused spouses seeking therapy -- to find out if they are going crazy -- than they ever see of the NPDers and BPDers.
I join all the other respondents in recommending that you leave him because he is unwilling to confront his issues and learn how to manage them. You cannot fix him. I therefore suggest you walk away and focus on your own healing.
Yet, if you still are unable or unwilling to do that, I suggest you obtain more information so you can better understand that, by staying, you likely are harming him (through your enabling behaviors) as well as yourself. To that end, I join other members in suggesting that you see a psychologist -- for a visit or two by yourself -- to obtain a professional opinion on what it is you are dealing with.
I also suggest that, while you're waiting for an appointment, you read Kathy's overview of classic NPD traits at Narcissism: Recognizing, Coping With, and Treating It
and my overview of BPD traits at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/33734-my-list-hell.html#post473522
. If either of those descriptions rings a bell, I would be glad to discuss it with you and point you to good online resources. Take care, Pursuit.