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I wonder at times if I’m crazy and expect more then I should. I don’t scream or call names that just isn’t me. I’m not going to ask for him to do things around the house no one tells me that dishes need to be done. If my job was to be a stay at home parent I get it but I’m not. I refuse to be a nag. When we discuss at times about things that need to get done around the house he says he doesn’t see the things that need to be attended too. That more then anything is frustrating because he is an intelligent person so I feel it is a choice to not see. Or pay attention to detail.
 

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Here's my opinion, if you want something done or want help with something... Tell him. He is not a mind reader. I hate when I'm just supposed to magically know that my wife wanted something done or needed help. If his cleaning standards are different than yours then yeah, he might not realize when something needs to be done to your standards. Not everyone pays attention to detail.

Remember, he is his own person... He has his own opinions, thinks in his own way, and does things his own way. Just because it's different than your way doesn't make it wrong. Unless he's being a lazy asshole who does nothing when asked, that's a different story.

Can you make a list of chores and divide them up? That way he has a list of what he should be doing each day.
 

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I do agree with you about his way of thinking and he is his own person. But at some point I am not his mom and nor will I treat him as such. Im not talking about doing something my way. Dishes in the sink do not need a chart track on the ground I feel either. I do understand the mind readying as well. I do charts for the kids. I don’t need help in doing things it is both our responsibility. I do get what you are saying but I just don’t want to be annoying to myself or him and that is hard for me. I do appreciate your ideas and will try changing something up.
 

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First of all you are not crazy. Here are some suggestion that might work...i would put a list of projects (both minor and major) that need to be done in the house...not a household chore charts for the kids...this is a hubby list. Place it where he can see it everyday....now if he sees the list but chooses not to do anything on the list (give it two - three weeks) then hire a handy man, the first time he sees a man coming in his house and doing things he should be doing will be the last time you need that handy man...remember don't get up set, don't get up tight, don't badger him, just let it go until you can't wait any longer and call the handy man. This will slowly change his behavior...now as part of the reinforcement, every time he takes something off the list, give him a hug and kiss, or make his favorite dish...or what ever, the point here is that you are slowly conditioning him to want to get those items off the list. just my 2 cents.
 

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I don’t need help in doing things it is both our responsibility
That's the thing right there, isn't it?
I understand.

I'm a clean freak, and my husband is a neat freak. I make messes, and he straightens up. I don't see messes around the house, but I can't stand for my floors, sinks, tubs, toilets, etc. not to shine. I'd rather scrub than put things back in their place. I got lucky because we compliment each other that way.

So I get that he doesn't see things. And some guys find it hard to tackle because they can't organize their mind like that. They're better at compartmentalizing than most women. So they do need to be told. I've heard a lot of women just like you hate feeling they have to treat their husband like one of the kids, but what needs to be done needs to be done. There's no magic bullet or method.

I like Lostinthought's suggestion but if you can't get past having to do a chore list for him, then just make it a weekly discussion where you give him just one thing to stay abreast of for that week.

Also, I believe in using people in the areas they are most useful. If my husband asked me to keep the dining room table clear, it wouldn't work. I'll still throw crap on the dining room table and never see the messy table as a problem. So maybe there are other things your husband would prefer to do than the dishes. For me, bathrooms ALWAYS need cleaning and floors ALWAYS need mopping. Find his sweet spot. You just might find that his sweet spot is your sore spot, and he frees you up to do the things you prefer to do. But those dishes. Man those dishes. Does anybody like doing dishes? Well actually, I do, but I understand that most people don't.
 
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