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Discussion Starter #421
Foolish if you are in the heart of boston there is nothing better than to walk through the Boston commons, and Faneuil hall and try the various foods...all of this is walking distance...there is haymarket square where you can get the freshest fruits....walk over to the north end and eat at the Catch of the day...it a very small resturant and you may have to wait but so worth it.

get at drink off the wharf.
I look into that. Thank you. They all sound like good suggestions.
 

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I think the summary of this whole thread, and why some people who are so irritated and skeptical, based on what's happened to them is essentially, you two have been terrible people to each other. You've banged other people, your husband had video of anal sex with a 29 year old on his phone, you've messed around and kept doing it, its an awful marriage. Yet it looks like it somehow, after all the Jerry Springer stuff- it STILL might work out for you.

You still get regular sex, you're pregnant, no one is leaving- its crazy. There are people on here who did nothing wrong and they don't get sex, or their spouse wanted to leave. Sometimes life makes no sense.
Remember a lot of times you get the life you accept to. You can't be passive in your own life.
 

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That's an amazing suggestion. I'm just going to start sleeping nude. I usually just wear one of the couple of his t-shirts I have commandeered and nothing else, but that sounds incredible. Losing that last layer of defense may help.

I'll do just about anything to bring us closer.

We are out of town until Saturday night. sleeping nude in a hotel isn't exactly up my alley. I don't know why. It just doesn't feel right being nude asleep away from home. It will have to wait till we are back to the comfort of our home.

He had to go handle a businesses thing with his brother and I wanted to come along. My youngest can look after herself for a few days so I thought it would be nice to come along with him.

We are in Boston. Any romantic scenery or activity suggestions? We leave in 2 days. I'm thinking about talking him into one more day for a full weekend alone in one of America's oldest cities. He is busy today and tomorrow for the most part but Saturday he only has one thing in the morning.
I say get out of your comfort zone and do it anyway. I will shake things up and probably turn him on.
 

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One thing I was thinking about when I think about this stuff. I think what is hardest for the WS to understand is even when things seem to be improving even that still can be painful for the BS. I think the reason is because the BS still has this great loss that they are morning. The loss is belief. I was reading a very uplifting positive energy post from a WS talking about all the things she was doing and it struck me that even with all her work I am sure her husband looks at her at times and thinks, "but I believed in you", then morns that he can no longer do that the way he once did. WS never seem to get this, I think because nothing was stolen from them, so they still get to keep those beliefs.

Even I all those years ago, I remember thinking, the same thing, "I believed in you, in us". It's a very great gift to believe in someone, it a gift for both of you. I think we all know life is hard, but when you have someone that you can put your faith into, and something (the relationship) it makes life much easier. It's like lightening the load in a small way.

So when you are cheated on that is part of the loss. I don't know if the WS can understand THAT. I think THAT is the thing that is spoken about when they say the WS can never understand. And that is because the WS still has that with the BS, and even in the marriage to a certain extent. The BS is still worth that belief. I also think they really don't appreciate that, that is what someone does when they love you. I think it takes years if ever to really understand that loss.

F1 that should be your mission, to get him to believe in you again. I don't even know if that is possible but if you want him that is what you are trying to do.
 

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One thing I was thinking about when I think about this stuff. I think what is hardest for the WS to understand is even when things seem to be improving even that still can be painful for the BS. I think the reason is because the BS still has this great loss that they are morning. The loss is belief. I was reading a very uplifting positive energy post from a WS talking about all the things she was doing and it struck me that even with all her work I am sure her husband looks at her at times and thinks, "but I believed in you", then morns that he can no longer do that the way he once did. WS never seem to get this, I think because nothing was stolen from them, so they still get to keep those beliefs.

Even I all those years ago, I remember thinking, the same thing, "I believed in you, in us". It's a very great gift to believe in someone, it a gift for both of you. I think we all know life is hard, but when you have someone that you can put your faith into, and something (the relationship) it makes life much easier. It's like lightening the load in a small way.

So when you are cheated on that is part of the loss. I don't know if the WS can understand THAT. I think THAT is the thing that is spoken about when they say the WS can never understand. And that is because the WS still has that with the BS, and even in the marriage to a certain extent. The BS is still worth that belief. I also think they really don't appreciate that, that is what someone does when they love you. I think it takes years if ever to really understand that loss.

F1 that should be your mission, to get him to believe in you again. I don't even know if that is possible but if you want him that is what you are trying to do.
I think it is predictably presumptuous to assume that a WS doesn't know this. Of course the BS is going to still hurt. Of course they will look at the WS even years later and think, "How could you?"

It is what the BS chooses to DO with those thoughts that really counts.

As unfair as it might seem to a particular type of person, there really ARE couples who come out the other side of infidelity truly loving each other and having a strong marriage.
 

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Discussion Starter #427 (Edited)
Did you go for a walk on the Common in the snow last night? Newbury Street?
No he came back pretty late. We watched a movie together in the hotel room and crashed. Why? Did you think you spotted us? Lol.


Also

He was surprised when I slept nude BTW. In a good way. 🙂 Even as tired as he was it led to more. Some giggles and some tickles and some fun. The gesture and the reason behind it made him happy. He wanted me to step outside my comfort zone for him. It was definitely worth it. Thank you for the suggestion.
 

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I will bet that you are saying some really great stuff...

I just wish I could understand it...
This is one instance whereby straight talk is avoided to avoid breaking Forum rules of appearing in proper dress.
Actually, avoiding proper addressing.

A spade may be a spade, it is against the rules to call them as such without proof.
Fair enough.

Not foul enough to be called out on any spade called forth.

Clear enough?

Yes or no?
 

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No he came back pretty late. We watched a movie together in the hotel room and crashed. Why? Did you think you spotted us? Lol.


Also

He was surprised when I slept nude BTW. In a good way. 🙂 Even as tired as he was it led to more. Some giggles and some tickles and some fun. The gesture and the reason behind it made him happy. He wanted me to step outside my comfort zone for him. It was definitely worth it. Thank you for the suggestion.
I may 'snatch' your Avatar name and reuse it in some future Tale.

A curvy, nervy lady who sleeps nude with a BS of a man is absolute torture for he who has loosed or seeks to loose the modified 180.

The 180 withers as the '6' inch man battles what is before him.

Such hot injustice.

Aye, it hurts.

The pain soon to be overshadowed by lust.



The Typist I-
 

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Discussion Starter #430 (Edited)
No he came back pretty late. We watched a movie together in the hotel room and crashed. Why? Did you think you spotted us? Lol.


Also

He was surprised when I slept nude BTW. In a good way. 🙂 Even as tired as he was it led to more. Some giggles and some tickles and some fun. The gesture and the reason behind it made him happy. He wanted me to step outside my comfort zone for him. It was definitely worth it. Thank you for the suggestion.
I may 'snatch' your Avatar name and reuse it in some future Tale.

A curvy, nervy lady who sleeps nude with a BS of a man is absolute torture for he who has loosed or seeks to loose the modified 180.

The 180 withers as the '6' inch man battles what is before him.

Such hot injustice.

Aye, it hurts.

The pain soon to be overshadowed by lust.



The Typist I-
You're an ..... interesting person.

Also if you're interested in accuracy to source material add an inch and a bit. 😉

Jesus now you got me going down this wierd road..... please keep any erotica you DO end up writing about my husband and me to yourself. If I see it out and about for sale.... I'll be too embarrassed
to go anywhere.
 

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You're an ..... interesting person.

Also if you're interested in accuracy to source material add an inch and a bit. 😉

Jesus now you got me going down this wierd road..... please keep any erotica you DO end up writing about my husband and me to yourself. If I see it out and about for sale.... I'll be too embarrassed to go anywhere.
OK....

I know embarrassed, do not ask me to rearrange that word.

I have always faithfully unraveled that word, stripped it down to bare essentials.
 

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Discussion Starter #432
You're an ..... interesting person.

Also if you're interested in accuracy to source material add an inch and a bit. 😉

Jesus now you got me going down this wierd road..... please keep any erotica you DO end up writing about my husband and me to yourself. If I see it out and about for sale.... I'll be too embarrassed to go anywhere.
OK....

I know embarrassed, do not ask me to rearrange that word.

I have always faithfully unraveled that word, stripped it down to bare essentials.
I don't know what you're talking about. 🙂
 

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I think it is predictably presumptuous to assume that a WS doesn't know this. Of course the BS is going to still hurt. Of course they will look at the WS even years later and think, "How could you?"

It is what the BS chooses to DO with those thoughts that really counts.
re underlined: How could the WS know unless they had been cheated on themselves? They might THINK they understand the depth of the pain but unless they have experienced it firsthand it is impossible to know the extent of it.


re Bolded: That sounds an awful lot like victim shaming with a side of rugsweeping.
 

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I think it is predictably presumptuous to assume that a WS doesn't know this. Of course the BS is going to still hurt. Of course they will look at the WS even years later and think, "How could you?"

It is what the BS chooses to DO with those thoughts that really counts.
re underlined: How could the WS know unless they had been cheated on themselves? They might THINK they understand the depth of the pain but unless they have experienced it firsthand it is impossible to know the extent of it.


re Bolded: That sounds an awful lot like victim shaming with a side of rugsweeping.
You're choosing to see it that way because of your baggage.

People arent ifiots, even WS.

Obviously recovery takes a LONG time and the pain lingers.

Do me a favor; put me on ignore.
 

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You're choosing to see it that way because of your baggage.

People arent ifiots, even WS.

Obviously recovery takes a LONG time and the pain lingers.

Do me a favor; put me on ignore.
Speaking of presumptuous. You know nothing of my "baggage", as you say, therefore there is no way you could judge what I post by that criteria. Common sense dictates you can't understand something you haven't experienced in relation to someone who has. You may THINK you can, but you'd be wrong. Tell me what it feels like to get your ball sack stuck in your zipper. Your point of reference makes that impossible. Just like a WS can never understand the pain they inflict on a BS if they themselves have never been cheated on.

Why would I want to put you on ignore? I enjoy your posts, even the ones I don't agree with because I attempt to not put myself in a bubble with a bunch of yes men. The ignore function works both ways if you feel the need, Knock yourself out. Kinda like taking your ball and going home because someone disagrees with you though. Doesn't give your ideas much credibility if that's the answer.
 

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Discussion Starter #436 (Edited)
I am in agreement. Sorry Personofinterest. Not that I don't understand what you mean as well. It not like a truly remorseful spouse wouldn't understand that thier spouse is in pain.

I mean.... I know my husband hurts. I know he lacks trust in me. I know a good deal of what he is feeling, BUT do I actually know HOW EXACTLY that feels, and what it will take for HIM to overcome that?

Like watching someone break an arm. Others can explain to me how that feels. I can assume it hurts like hell. Maybe it throbs. Maybe it feels like knives or grinding. BUT without ever breaking my arm can I truly ever claim to know how it feels? My understanding isn't first person perspective.

I could claim to be able to break my arm and not cry. I could claim I could deal with it. I could claim many things. I could even tell that person that pain is just the body's signal of damage at that part of the body and if they will it, they can ignore it. But unless I have ever had a similar injury it is all empty words. My understanding is surface level. Not true understanding.

I mean have you ever heard a man talk about what it feels like to give birth? I have once or twice. Not that they claimed to have given birth, but like they understood. I always roll my eyes. THEY UNDERSTAND NOTHING!!!

I know he suffers. I know he needs time. I know it will also require my actions and words and steadfast love to help him through this. But I will never judge him for any screams of pain or guarding of his wounds. I won't call him weak. Or stubborn.

Those of you that say I can understand because I am a mad hatter.... Maybe a little. Only portions of it. Jealousy, yes. Betrayal... no. He didn't betray me as I see it.

If tomorrow he goes and cheats. Then yes. I will consider it betrayal. I have laid everything on the table. So has he. If he actually didn't and went on to have an affair I could claim being betrayed.

I don't know maybe I'm not portraying my feeling on this well enough.

Someone wrote in a post that if somebody walks up reaches out to shake your hand and then sucker punches you, and you punch them back. The one who punched first will ALWAYS be more guilty. I agree with that.

Getting punched still hurts, but you know why it came. You started it. It shouldn't really surprise you that much.

He has accepted my apology. That doesn't mean I expect him to allow me to stand within arms reach of him without a second thought.

He is cautious. He is keeping an eye on me. Waiting. Seeing if I wind up for another sucker punch. I hope in time he truly believes I won't do it again. I hope in time the pain of my sucker punch becomes a distant memory. But that's not up to me.

Am I getting It? I don't know. What I do know is if I smiled at someone and they smiled at me, and then they punched my lights out , from out of nowhere... I probably wouldn't stand anywhere close to them again. Even if I did forgive them. It's a lot to ask a person.

Some people can do that. Some would call that person a saint. Some would call them a fool.

Maybe I'm just rambling. I've had a few drinks. My husband and me went out to celebrate a business deal he closed that will probably propel his business even higher. He is passed out. He was very happy. Fastest I've ever seen him get drunk. He usually avoided drinking so it was fun to see him let loose.
 

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Discussion Starter #437 (Edited)
Also those who think this is all roses and butterflies would be wrong. We go through times of unimaginable closeness and joy and at other times a cloud seems to cover us. He is doing fantastic at dispelling these clouds when they come, but we are not happily ever after just yet. I'm focusing on the good when it's here. And it's helping me immensely. But I am also keeping my feet on earth and being realistic. This isn't over.

I do have to say my husband is a great man. I never knew his heart could be this big. I never knew anyone could have a heart that big. I wish I didn't have to wound it to see that, but I was a fool.
 

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That is great that things are going better. I do want to say please don't drink while you're pregnant. I work with kids FASD and the effects can be debilitating and lifelong.
 

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I think that it is all about degree of semantics : at a level a cheater "knows" that pain have been inflicted ( with some pathological exceptions).

The question is to what degree? Of course it will never be to the cheated person degree, but it is also on a one on one basis because we all are different.

In some extreme cases the cheaters had gone to the extreme of killing themselves, after realizing what they have done and the pain that they have inflicted.
 

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Discussion Starter #440 (Edited)
That is great that things are going better. I do want to say please don't drink while you're pregnant. I work with kids FASD and the effects can be debilitating and lifelong.
Yeah pretty stupid of me. We where both crazy happy. 2 glasses of wine. I made excuses. His happiness was contangous. But yeah. Ridiculously stupid. Your comment actually just made it sink in just how stupid it was. I wasn't thinking about my baby at all tonight. It was a pretty insanely joyous night for my husband and his brother. I got caught up in it.

Even though there are a few studies that say a few glasses of wine a week does no damage why take the risk?
 
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