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Its been a year from my affair and my H has been reliving it all and very very accusing me of letting my parents decide to have me D my H....Every time I'm with my parents he starts instantly acusing. Yesterday I told him I was going to lunch with my parents and he said when will his papers get to him.

Today its been non stop me crying with him accusing me of everything, but mostly about my parents and about how much money I spend. I have not been spending money....I get the kids food, pay the bills, take myself to fast food lunch a few times and take the kids to dr appts...He is freaking about money


I figureed our marriage was over tonihgt. So I finally told him I slept with someone else too. That it was during our seperation and it was only 1 night.

He opened up about his affair....I said I had wanted him to do everything he did to her to me and as often as her....

He asked a few questions and I asked him a few questions about his affair partner.

He wanted to know why I was telling him now...I said cause I figure the marraige is over...he asked if I wanted it to be over...I said no, but I can't keep being accused of planning to leave him and can't keep hearing that it was all my parents fault.

His affair was during seperation, so he has always mantained it was not an affair....Mine went ONS during seperation too

I'm sure there will be more questions tomorrow
 

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Blueskies,

Did it seem to relax him a bit when you told him about the ONS?

It sounds like the tables turned a bit, maybe he's happier knowing its More even now.

If you didn't know it, once he's having to take a lot of hassle for his actions, he would much rather have it be equal. This may change down the road when he stops appreciating that point and he realizes that another man had you. Well...that's how my situation went anyway. Hummmff!
 

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Blueskies,

Did it seem to relax him a bit when you told him about the ONS?

It sounds like the tables turned a bit, maybe he's happier knowing its More even now.

If you didn't know it, once he's having to take a lot of hassle for his actions, he would much rather have it be equal. This may change down the road when he stops appreciating that point and he realizes that another man had you. Well...that's how my situation went anyway. Hummmff!
He seemed to calm down a bit. Before this he was telling me to hit the road and he was being very very mean. So he started asking questions nad i was hesitant to answer them until he answered more of his sexual affair. I kept up asking him if he hated me now. He kept saying he didn't say that.

I told him that I wanted him to have sex with me as often as he did with her and do everything to me that he did with her. I still don't know what all he did with her.

He wanted to know exactly when my sexual affair was and I couldn't give him a date cause it was 1 day over a year ago. He asked me repeatedly where we had sex and he was guessing the car....I didn't want to tell him the exact locations cause I don't want him having reaction for years about those locations. I told him it was on our floor at our house. We don't own the house anymore I pointed out to him. It was exactually in our bed and in our living room. The bed we don't own anymore, we got a new bed last spring.

I didn't plan the way I told him or what I hoped it would bring, but now I hope it brings him peace of knowing the truth and knowing that we each are matched in what we did. Even though he did have sex with her over a relationship period. I want him to know that I chose him, I had no feelings for OM after and I instantly started avoiding him after he went back home. My husband has been accusing me so much of finding a nother man while hes traveling and not believing me that I love him, that I want him to know I chose him. I want him to know that he is who I find so attractive. I wanted him to know I held myself back with him for years before our seperation and I can't hold myself back anymore. I am who I am sexually. Hes been viewing sex as a bad thing almost....and the infrequency and our non-communication pre seperation did lead me to have an affair that I really did plan.

While hes traveling he doesn't want pictures of me and I send them anyway...it hurts me that he doesn't comment on them. He says he saves them in his phone album, but he doesn't need to comment.

I don't have him here with me, so I don't have someone telling me I'm sexy or being affectionate, any of those things. I started sending him more intimiate pics recentlya nd he reacted badly to those, saying why was I sending pics of my p*ssy....they were underwear shots....and nothing naked...

He seems like he can't handle anything too sexual.....its goimg to be the end of my marriage I feel....His reaction to my needs....he says I only think of myself

I don't know how today will go...we ended last night with him saying he had a lot to process and he did say he loved me and night

I just miss him so much...and we havent even gotten to start our new life at all, but it feels like our marriage is ending...and its ending really because of the distance and not knowing when we can be together
 

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I am really sorry you are in this position.

He should really appreciate the way you are sending pics and wanting to sext. That can add so much intimacy and passion to a relationship. I am I the same boat with you.
I'm not sure what you can do at this point, you spelled it out for him in no uncertain terms. You are continuing to try. That's all you can do.
I decided to try to live without the sexy part. I love my wife and would never leave because of sex or the level of sex we have.
It would just be cool to have the build up that the texting and pictures provide.

Are you and he compatible outside of sexual stuff.? Because I know you feel your marriage is coming to a close but I'm not sure he's on board with that. The vibe I get from what you've written is negative on your side but getting better on his.
My wife said very hurtful things to me at one time. She would tell me to just leave, get out. She even wished I would just die in my sleep but...she really didn't want any of that. I hope haha! She was just hitting me as hard as she could (figuratively). So your husband may have said extreme things but that's not necessarily how he feels.

Also, I think it's a good idea to never tell him the truth about the locations of the sex. Its not important and Triggers suck!
 

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I am really sorry you are in this position.

He should really appreciate the way you are sending pics and wanting to sext. That can add so much intimacy and passion to a relationship. I am I the same boat with you.
I'm not sure what you can do at this point, you spelled it out for him in no uncertain terms. You are continuing to try. That's all you can do.
I decided to try to live without the sexy part. I love my wife and would never leave because of sex or the level of sex we have.
It would just be cool to have the build up that the texting and pictures provide.

Are you and he compatible outside of sexual stuff.? Because I know you feel your marriage is coming to a close but I'm not sure he's on board with that. The vibe I get from what you've written is negative on your side but getting better on his.
My wife said very hurtful things to me at one time. She would tell me to just leave, get out. She even wished I would just die in my sleep but...she really didn't want any of that. I hope haha! She was just hitting me as hard as she could (figuratively). So your husband may have said extreme things but that's not necessarily how he feels.

Also, I think it's a good idea to never tell him the truth about the locations of the sex. Its not important and Triggers suck!
We are in a long distnce marraige with him working in another state and we lost our family home. I'm living with his parents. And I'm getting ready to file bankrupcy by myself since hes away. He says he already knows what I look like and doesn't need pictures and he doesn't sext. I do wonder exactly what him and OW talked about before going to meet her and then starting sex imediatly. I think they had to have discussed sex cause why would he sleep wiht her after a week?

My husband may have been pushing my buttons so hard last night, you may be right. He says some really cruel things.

He has not contacted me today at all. Its about 10am where he is now. I sent him an "I love you" text at 9am his time and I've gotten nothing back

I hope that this opens up some lines of communication. I really want to know what in her he thought was so attractive. I feel he still wants to change me because of what he found extremly sexy about her.
 

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Shouldn't of slept with someone else then.
He cheated, you cheated, both as bad as each other, no point bringing it all up from a year back.
If you both cant accept it, it won't work.
Your relationship is over, start it up differently, or stick a fork in it, move on and don't cheat on the next one..either way its done.

Hurts and I feel for you, but you got yourself here, you where trickling him truth, he'd of known there was more too it, knew there was something you where hiding, how many times has he asked you if there was anything else he needed to know, and how many times have you said 'no'
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You lance the wound to get the pus out. Otherwise the infection just gets deeper. The cut hurts though, which is why so many people avoid the procedure.

He might associate 'sexting' with his guilty feelings with the OW if he indulged with her.

Or maybe he's being uber passive aggressive, blaming you and your parents for things he wishes he was brave enough to do himself.

Sounds like a lot more talks need to be made, and not over incidentals like what color your panties are.
 
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Shouldn't of slept with someone else then.
He cheated, you cheated, both as bad as each other, no point bringing it all up from a year back.
If you both cant accept it, it won't work.
Your relationship is over, start it up differently, or stick a fork in it, move on and don't cheat on the next one..either way its done.

Hurts and I feel for you, but you got yourself here, you where trickling him truth, he'd of known there was more too it, knew there was something you where hiding, how many times has he asked you if there was anything else he needed to know, and how many times have you said 'no'
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There was never a good time to tell him...I actually did try to tell him a couple of times or tried to open communication up....he always said he didn't want to know.....
Your right that he did iniatially ask about it the first time during seperation that the kids were with him....I just couldn;t tell him because there was a divorce in process and I didn't want the divorce to go final....He says that it would have gone final had I told him then....

Its been a year from both of our infedilities and my H has been bringing stuff up since early August....then just FRiday he was accusing me of sending me his divorce papers becuase I was out to lunch with my parents...he blames my parents for it all...I finally had to tell him why its not my parents total fault...they did have a huge part in it, but they are not 100%
 

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You lance the wound to get the pus out. Otherwise the infection just gets deeper. The cut hurts though, which is why so many people avoid the procedure.

He might associate 'sexting' with his guilty feelings with the OW if he indulged with her.

Or maybe he's being uber passive aggressive, blaming you and your parents for things he wishes he was brave enough to do himself.

Sounds like a lot more talks need to be made, and not over incidentals like what color your panties are.
If the marriage does continue I hope the truth does heal....I hope that he would stoip feeling so bad about what he did cause I know he does feel bad

I also wanted to tell him because I want to talk about what I was experincing....He seems not open to talk about it yet....I did tell him I have so much passion that I want to give him...so many things I haven't done in a long time....(of course this seepration with him working is hard)

I wanted him to know that he is the best I have had....that I love making love with him....I can't find myself making love to anyone else....

I don't know if he sexted with OW...he met her on Plenty Of Fish...I joined recently to see if he was there cause hes been distant...I've now learned how forward people are on there....OW lives int eh same time, so they met very soon and started having sex within a week.....

He has seemed to have sexual problems with me since we reconsiled.....Its been one thing after the other....we did go on a cruise in March and he had no problems there and we were in a new love....

I wanted to start a new life away from all the negative stuff thats happened in our home town. We are going through bankrupcy and already lost our house. Hes working in another state because there was no work in our state or long term work

I really think that if we were abel to live together things would be better
 

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I can't blame him for not wanting you to visit your parents, especially if they had 'a big part in it'
Family are often very one sided, and given your relationship is on the rocks, everytime you see them, he won't know if you'll even be coming back. It's hard to work on the two of you, when there's people that are trying to pull you away.

The divorce may of been final back then, but you would be in a very different place today had you of told the truth (weather he wanted to hear or not) He didn't want to hear, because the thought of it was enough, but you can bet he's been stewing it all up, not knowing is a choice, but often made at times of extreme confusion.

It's been a year of false R
You both need to communicate about what's best for each other and the kids, no more games (not telling him something 'the ball' to stop you from divorcing 'the bat' so you can achieve a reconciliation 'the goal' Is for all intents and purposes...a game)
Tell him what you want, clearly and precisely, if you are able to move past his infidelity, then you need to let him make his choice about weather he can get over yours.

Stand by your husband, if that's what you really want, tell your parents and all the others that are trying to "help" you, that you are an adult, in love with another adult, and you'd ratehr not discuss the details of your relationship any further with them at this stage.
When they tell you what a jerk he is, or whatever they influence you into doing..stand up for him...

Or do yourselves a big favor and let him be
 

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I can't blame him for not wanting you to visit your parents, especially if they had 'a big part in it'
Family are often very one sided, and given your relationship is on the rocks, everytime you see them, he won't know if you'll even be coming back. It's hard to work on the two of you, when there's people that are trying to pull you away.

The divorce may of been final back then, but you would be in a very different place today had you of told the truth (weather he wanted to hear or not) He didn't want to hear, because the thought of it was enough, but you can bet he's been stewing it all up, not knowing is a choice, but often made at times of extreme confusion.

It's been a year of false R
You both need to communicate about what's best for each other and the kids, no more games (not telling him something 'the ball' to stop you from divorcing 'the bat' so you can achieve a reconciliation 'the goal' Is for all intents and purposes...a game)
Tell him what you want, clearly and precisely, if you are able to move past his infidelity, then you need to let him make his choice about weather he can get over yours.

Stand by your husband, if that's what you really want, tell your parents and all the others that are trying to "help" you, that you are an adult, in love with another adult, and you'd ratehr not discuss the details of your relationship any further with them at this stage.
When they tell you what a jerk he is, or whatever they influence you into doing..stand up for him...

Or do yourselves a big favor and let him be
Hes wanting revenge on the OM..wanting to have a Biker gang go find him and break his knee caps and hes not telling me he loves me anymore.

Right now there is no communication. I try to communicate and he says STOP...thats much like I got before he had to leave for working in another state
 

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Biker gangs? Oh well any sympathy for him is out the window, can understand the revenge, but be a man about it, and do it himself. It's a real ***** thing to do threatening that, pathetic.....

If he don't want you communicating, then don't.....Stop trying if he doesn't want you too.
 

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Biker gangs? Oh well any sympathy for him is out the window, can understand the revenge, but be a man about it, and do it himself. It's a real ***** thing to do threatening that, pathetic.....

If he don't want you communicating, then don't.....Stop trying if he doesn't want you too.
I'm so sad...I missed him before and I miss him even more now cause now he does not say he loves me back and he does not want to text or call me back.

My heart is so broken I never should have told him....

Now he won't believe me even more...thinks I'm still in contact with OM...even though...OM is married
 

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Tell him how much you love him, how commited you are to making it work, how you realise how bad you where when you had someone else making you scream..
Tell him you are going to respect his wishes and stop contacting him, that the line will be open to him for as long as it takes, should he want to carry on...

Then do something different, have a girls night out and go back to being who you are.
If he gets in touch (he probably will) then take it from there...
 

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Sorry blueskies,
Beenhurt is right. Focus on yourself. The better your mental state is the better you will be able to deal with your husband.
Counseling and good times but I would avoid the girls night out. Stay away from anywhere there might be men. Do lunch or dinn with friends. Go out for coffee, workout. Fix yourself, but don't give your husband anything to worry about.
 

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When you get strong enough tell your husband that you both need to get professional help and both have to be willing to forgive and get other areas worked out. If he will not then you better do what you got to do to protect your emotions and sanity. That means no bluffing but real action.
 

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Tell him how much you love him, how commited you are to making it work, how you realise how bad you where when you had someone else making you scream..
Tell him you are going to respect his wishes and stop contacting him, that the line will be open to him for as long as it takes, should he want to carry on...

Then do something different, have a girls night out and go back to being who you are.
If he gets in touch (he probably will) then take it from there...
I've told him how much I love him, but it doesn't matter. I broke off contact way back on Oct 17th when my husband had told me he wanted to work on our marriage. At the time I didn't know he was having a sexual affair with the OW that he had started about a month before. It was only 1 day with OM, but my husband doesn't care. I had sex with anohter man and thats all that matters to him
 

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I've told him how much I love him, but it doesn't matter. I broke off contact way back on Oct 17th when my husband had told me he wanted to work on our marriage. At the time I didn't know he was having a sexual affair with the OW that he had started about a month before. It was only 1 day with OM, but my husband doesn't care. I had sex with anohter man and thats all that matters to him
Yeah. Psychologically, that's how men naturally roll. Statistics point it out. We even have a thread about the comparsion of how often women leave men for cheating vs how many men leave women.

I wish I could offer you hope. It's POSSIBLE, but not likely. Keep trying.
 

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I only had a one night stand though during the legal seperation, and he had a straight sexual affair at the same time I had the one night stand.

Its been over a year since this happend and I told him I cut off all contact with him Oct 17th when my H had asked me if I really wanted a divorce. I also told him that after OM went home I lessened contact because I was not in love with him that I missed my H.

Last night my H said he can never forgive me and he is going to take the kids away from me
 

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I only had a one night stand though during the legal seperation, and he had a straight sexual affair at the same time I had the one night stand.

Its been over a year since this happend and I told him I cut off all contact with him Oct 17th when my H had asked me if I really wanted a divorce. I also told him that after OM went home I lessened contact because I was not in love with him that I missed my H.

Last night my H said he can never forgive me and he is going to take the kids away from me
He might not forgive you and he might divorce you, but it will be almost impossible to 'take the kids away'.

Get a good lawyer with money from your joint account NOW. Put down a retainer.
 
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