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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I take my hat off to you.:smthumbup:

My position, as you know, was vastly different in that my wife told me in advance she was going to have an affair, but that she still loved me. And we did get back on track.

But accidentally finding out you are being betrayed? Makes me shiver a little bit.

But confessing to an affair? That's horrible too. And there I have been...
 

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You think it's better that your wife told you ahead of time that she was going to screw some other guy?

I'm thinking it's no better or worse than finding out accidentally but worse than a WS who feels incredibly guilty about their transgression and admits it without first having been discovered.

But hey that's just me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
You think it's better that your wife told you ahead of time that she was going to screw some other guy?

I'm thinking it's no better or worse than finding out accidentally but worse than a WS who feels incredibly guilty about their transgression and admits it without first having been discovered.

But hey that's just me.
That's from my perspective. Others will, of course, be different.
 

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So Mattmatt

your wife told you upfront.....and then proceeded to have an affair?.or did you stop her......

was she crying for help?

Sorry, i feel ignorant, i don't know your story.
 

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Premeditated affair.

That's gotta be worse than one that just sort of happened completely spontaneous.

Even the law prosecutes premeditated murder with higher punishment.
 

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I take my hat off to you.:smthumbup:

My position, as you know, was vastly different in that my wife told me in advance she was going to have an affair, but that she still loved me. And we did get back on track.

But accidentally finding out you are being betrayed? Makes me shiver a little bit.

But confessing to an affair? That's horrible too. And there I have been...
And from my perspective had my husband told me he was going out to have an affair I would have likely been spending life in prison because he wouldn't have left the house, not alive anyway!
 

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All I can say is Wooooow!!!

They say love covers a multitude of sins, but that would be pushing it for me.

Just goes to show that all affairs and obstacles are unique with their own issues, perspectives, and solutions.
 

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You will need to get matt matt's story from him, but I think there were indescretions both ways---even tho, his may have been after hers------no matter I tooooo---would have told her, you wanna be with another man---don't ever come back to this hacienda, cuz you are gone, now and forever.
 

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My ex wife made sure I could never recover. She never gave me the chance to consider R. Best thing she ever did for me in our marriage. I now have a great wife and my ex is still using and abusing herself and others.
 

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Yeah I agree that premeditated is far worse....but then hell, my H had a ONS and tried to go back for more when sober, then had a 2nd ONS and tried to go back for more because it didn't work out quite like he'd hoped, and then he had ONS and tried to hook up again.....so i guess that is kind of premeditated....

Having said that, I didn't know about any of it as it was going on, until this last year,...if he'd come and told me upfront.....i'd likely have packed his bags and shown him the door without even a second of hesitation.

Actually all things considered, it probably would have been kinder of him to show his hand before he called the game!:scratchhead:
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
So Mattmatt

your wife told you upfront.....and then proceeded to have an affair?.or did you stop her......

was she crying for help?

Sorry, i feel ignorant, i don't know your story.
Not crying for help, just wired differently. She is a high functioning Asperger and that's... interesting in a spouse... :rolleyes:
 

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You will need to get matt matt's story from him, but I think there were indescretions both ways---even tho, his may have been after hers------no matter I tooooo---would have told her, you wanna be with another man---don't ever come back to this hacienda, cuz you are gone, now and forever.
Yes, a weird story. However... oddly enough my wife is probably the most normal of the young ladies I dated. Seriously.
 

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In a way, my ex was telling me she was going to have an affair too. It was very cryptic, and I didn't have a translation device, but in hindsight if I was armed with what I've learned about infidelity since, I woyld have noticed that she was screaming it at me.

She just didn't have the honor, courage or compassion to tell me straight or atleast attempt divorce, which is why reconciliation was never really an option.
 

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She put it on stress, I believed her untill I couldn't anymore.
Snooped the phone, then the PC... busted.

Incredible, unthinkable.
 

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I agree MattMatt. I wish I had been warned. It still would have hurt like hell, but hey at least it would have been a heads up.
In retrospect... I was warned. Long before I knew she was cheating she confronted me with are marriage is broken, ILYBANILWY anymore. Me being the caring, fix-it, loving, husband assumed that I had lost her and tried to make it right.

See the point... After spending years in IC and reading I know the signs were flashing for years.
 
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