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Discussion Starter #1
I’m new to this site and need some advice.

I married my wife four years ago. It was my first marriage and her second. We seemed to have had a good relationship and I thought all was well, but a little over three weeks ago I discovered she was having a full blown physical affair with a contractor who had worked on our house. When I followed her to his apartment and confronted them together, she made a huge scene and she and him both attacked me together. I managed to beat the crap out of him, but I ended up hitting her too and giving her a bloody nose. The neighbors called the cops and I was arrested. Her lover was arrested also on an outstanding drug warrant.

I was charged with misdemeanor assault and I made my own bail that same night. When I got home around 3:00 a.m. my wife was not there. She was probably at her skanky girlfriend’s house crying on her shoulder. I told my stepson what had happened, then I packed my personal belongings and my guns and valuables up in my truck and I left that same morning. I immediately went to the bank and pulled out about $10,000 from an account we share. Then I drove away and have not been back home since.

I am currently staying with a buddy at his place in a little unknown town about two states away. He has gotten me a job driving for his trucking company and I have no intention of going back to my cheating wife. Of course she has been texting me non-stop since that night, claiming she wants me back, that she has broken up with her lover, and apologizing for attacking me along with her boyfriend. She claims she was only trying to keep me from hurting him because I am much stronger ad bigger than him. But it is a lie. She attacked me because she was mad at me for breaking up her affair, and because she has a vicious temper.

Her son is pissed at her too and he went and told all her family what she had done. He called me the other day to tell me she had kicked him out of the house after she found out he outed her to the in-laws.

Everyone is texting me and calling me and wondering where I am. I have told no one where I am at and now that I have a job here I feel I can start over.

My question is, can I divorce my wife from the state I am currently living in, which has much more fairer divorce laws than the state my wife is in, or do I have to file in the state where she lives? I’m afraid if I try to divorce her back in her state she will be able to get more from me than she deserves.

I also want to know from all of you if I should go back and confront my wife. My buddy has told me I can stay as long as I need and until I get a place here. But he also says I should not run from my problems. I don’t think I’m running from my problems. From where I am at I am able to think a lot clearer than I would if I was back there. Also, I’m afraid I would let her talk me into taking her back which I promised myself I would never do. She knew that cheating was the one thing that would break us up for sure. Well she did it and now she can choke on it. But I wanted to know what you all think.
 

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If it were me I'd go back and initiate divorce proceedings there.

But before that, I'd contact the toughest family law atty in your former hometown and tie down a few others with referrals (some offer free 1/2 hr referrals). That way this woman can't use them.

You want to be smart and follow your atty's advice but regardless of how expensive it turns out to be it'll be money well spent.

Move on.
 

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Had I known that my cheating ex wife's two kids weren't fathered by me, I would have walked away from everything and let her find her own way to end our marriage. Not sure how it would have gone, but it could hardly have ended up any worse for me than it did by playing the idiot domestic court game.
Listen to the others.
 

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I don't know the laws, but asking a lawyer in your current town would be the first place to look. All they need is her signature of the papers for the divorce to happen. She does not need to attend to court with you. She will have to agree to your terms.

I left my ex h for the same reason. I packed up and left the day I found out he cheated. He kept threatening that he was going to contest against the divorce, but that was after he signed the papers. I paid for the divorce and I didn't ask for anything other then $200 in child support, which he tried to lower a few months later. I made an agreement where he wouldn't want to refuse.

Good luck, I hope everything works out in your favor.
 

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I’m new to this site and need some advice.

I married my wife four years ago. It was my first marriage and her second. We seemed to have had a good relationship and I thought all was well, but a little over three weeks ago I discovered she was having a full blown physical affair with a contractor who had worked on our house. When I followed her to his apartment and confronted them together, she made a huge scene and she and him both attacked me together. I managed to beat the crap out of him, but I ended up hitting her too and giving her a bloody nose. The neighbors called the cops and I was arrested. Her lover was arrested also on an outstanding drug warrant.

I was charged with misdemeanor assault and I made my own bail that same night. When I got home around 3:00 a.m. my wife was not there. She was probably at her skanky girlfriend’s house crying on her shoulder. I told my stepson what had happened, then I packed my personal belongings and my guns and valuables up in my truck and I left that same morning. I immediately went to the bank and pulled out about $10,000 from an account we share. Then I drove away and have not been back home since.

I am currently staying with a buddy at his place in a little unknown town about two states away. He has gotten me a job driving for his trucking company and I have no intention of going back to my cheating wife. Of course she has been texting me non-stop since that night, claiming she wants me back, that she has broken up with her lover, and apologizing for attacking me along with her boyfriend. She claims she was only trying to keep me from hurting him because I am much stronger ad bigger than him. But it is a lie. She attacked me because she was mad at me for breaking up her affair, and because she has a vicious temper.

Her son is pissed at her too and he went and told all her family what she had done. He called me the other day to tell me she had kicked him out of the house after she found out he outed her to the in-laws.

Everyone is texting me and calling me and wondering where I am. I have told no one where I am at and now that I have a job here I feel I can start over.

My question is, can I divorce my wife from the state I am currently living in, which has much more fairer divorce laws than the state my wife is in, or do I have to file in the state where she lives? I’m afraid if I try to divorce her back in her state she will be able to get more from me than she deserves.

I also want to know from all of you if I should go back and confront my wife. My buddy has told me I can stay as long as I need and until I get a place here. But he also says I should not run from my problems. I don’t think I’m running from my problems. From where I am at I am able to think a lot clearer than I would if I was back there. Also, I’m afraid I would let her talk me into taking her back which I promised myself I would never do. She knew that cheating was the one thing that would break us up for sure. Well she did it and now she can choke on it. But I wanted to know what you all think.
Head back to where you lived for a few days. Find the best lawyer you can hire. Tie the rest of the lawyers down by getting consultations (free) from them then she can't use them. Let a lawyer tell you what to do before you make decisions that will cost you more later. Lawyer might tell you to file from the new state. Hell, they might tell you to claim you are a battered spouse. If you get sick of her texts and calls just change your cell number. She helped a man attack you. Got you arrested. Fark her. No mercy.
 

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Is the contractor married? Expose it to her, she has a right to know as well, even if she is seperated from him!

If you were my friend and you let her talk you into comming back I would kick you A$$, and if you were bigger than me I would wait until you were asleep, that what friends are for!
 

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I'm not a lawyer so I can't answer your question. I'd seek legal advice ASAP. What I will say is:
  • I love the way you handled the situation, the OM got what he deserved; I'm sure it was worth the few bucks to you to get the satisfaction of dealing him some pain
  • Don't ever talk to your "wife" again; based on your posting, she's worthless. Besides, what could she possibly do or say to make you want to reconcile with her anyway .... especially after what she did to you.
  • Stay focused and don't contact her unless your lawyer tells you to.
... you are doing the right thing.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
I am curious. What reason did she give you for the death of her first marriage?
Did I do this quote thing right?

My wife says her ex used to beat her and she ran from him and divorced him back around 2000. I met her in 2008 and we dated about a year before I let her talk me into marrying her. Looking back alot of what she told me about her first marriage didn't add up. My gut told me not to marry her, I should have never done it.

I never met the ex and never thought to ask the in-laws if what she told me about him was true. They never talk about him so I figured he was dead to them.

I asked my stepson if she cheated on his dad and he says not that he ever knew. So I don't know if she ever did this before.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
If it were me I'd go back and initiate divorce proceedings there.

But before that, I'd contact the toughest family law atty in your former hometown and tie down a few others with referrals (some offer free 1/2 hr referrals). That way this woman can't use them.

You want to be smart and follow your atty's advice but regardless of how expensive it turns out to be it'll be money well spent.

Move on.
That is what I thought.

I have to appear the end of July for my court date. I think I'll go see a lawyer there and wrap up all my business at once. I just want to get this over with and get on with my life.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Head back to where you lived for a few days. Find the best lawyer you can hire. Tie the rest of the lawyers down by getting consultations (free) from them then she can't use them. Let a lawyer tell you what to do before you make decisions that will cost you more later. Lawyer might tell you to file from the new state. Hell, they might tell you to claim you are a battered spouse. If you get sick of her texts and calls just change your cell number. She helped a man attack you. Got you arrested. Fark her. No mercy.
That's going to be my plan. I may go see the lawyer who did a medical claim for me back about ten years ago. She is real competent and mean as a snake. Too bad she's married...I'd ask her out. Ha ha!
 

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Divorce her in the state where she lives, and do it all via attorneys so you don't have to deal with her.

The laws don't vary all that much between states as far as asset distribution goes, you each get half of anything obtained during the marriage, anything you had before is your separate property and she has no claim for it as long as you can prove it.

Support laws do vary somewhat but it appears you have no children so no worries there, it's only the spousal support that get you.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Is the contractor married? Expose it to her, she has a right to know as well, even if she is seperated from him!

If you were my friend and you let her talk you into comming back I would kick you A$$, and if you were bigger than me I would wait until you were asleep, that what friends are for!
No the dirtbag isn't married. He is a skinny, scrawny tatooed ex-biker type who must have gotten in a wreck some time ago because he walks with a cane. A scumbag in every sense of the word. His eyes got as big as saucers when he saw me pull ino that parking lot and climb out of the truck.

I'm 6'3", 355 pounds.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Do not ever go back. She attacked you and chose the OM over you.
That's exactly what my stepson says.

You know, I will probably get bashed by the women here, but I got more satisfaction backhanding my wife and knocking her on her butt than I did beating loverboy's behind.

I've never struck a woman in my life, but I don't feel bad about it.
 
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