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You don’t know my person nor who I am… you give blind guidance from only what is given. Why should I take anyone’s advice here? I don’t think any of you care about me- how could you? You know nothing about me at all. Nor my husband for that matter. Neither of us. I struggle to take any advice now that I’ve reflected on that.. you won’t be losing your marriage, my husband and I will. You won’t be feeling the downward spiral of depression and mental anguish that he will feel, he will. You see it from your phone or computer screen and a scroll on. It’s just such a strange thing… this entire website.
Typical millennial snowflake deflection. It must be incredibly empowering to be a young woman who grew up in a media-dominated society where every day you are told that because you were born with a vagina that you are automatically entitled to do what ever you want and steamroll whoever you want in order to get what you want as long as it is what you want.
 

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IDK, she actually landed on divorcing him but not admitting to this round of cheating. She learned that she isn't ready for marriage. So I disagree just didn't learn anything and just came on here for justification.

We all want her to get her comeuppance by telling him - and yes, he deserves to know, but if she wants to just leave the marriage, that's her decision. It's better than her staying married to him and burying the cheating. With him not in her life anymore she will eventually calm down and learn from this experience.

I feel bad for the guy - he just didn't pick the right partner....or picked her way too soon.
 

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We all want her to get her comeuppance by telling him - and yes, he deserves to know, but if she wants to just leave the marriage, that's her decision. It's better than her staying married to him and burying the cheating. With him not in her life anymore she will eventually calm down and learn from this experience.
I disagree. We’re not all
Wanting her to get what’s coming. In many cases sure, we think the cheater has to face the music so they can move on and become a better person. But in this case, I’m losing just about all sympathy for her and focusing 100% on the needs of her husband. The fact that requires she divulge all and suffer humiliation is incidental to her but needed by her husband.

That she does not have a choice other than to tell her husband is not about her.
 

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We all want her to get her comeuppance by telling him - and yes, he deserves to know, but if she wants to just leave the marriage, that's her decision.
I'd respectfully disagree. I think it's less about wishing her to get her comeuppance and more about doing the right thing and being a good human being. It is a lifelong journey to improve ourselves and some of us has more work to do than others.

Also by telling him, she's eliminating a future possibility of him finding out about the affair. So, there won't be multiple D-Days so to speak.
 

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8 days ago she showed, last was 5 days ago. Conclusion: gone.
We may eventually get the "update".

She was going to end game divorce, and I believe, NON disclosure. I think her concern was the massive shame she would endure in the extended family. She just wasn't what the image seemed to indicate. Her parents were concerned about her marrying. I don't know if some of what she does was part of the reason.

I think he's fortunately getting the D, but unfortunately NO closure on the truth.
So young, I hope he gets it on in better ways after this big mess.
 

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Blindsiding your husband with divorce will not be in anyway for his benefit. It will be extremely harmful to his self image.

Divorce him but tell him the reason behind it. That you have had an another affair since being married and cannot bring yourself to be faithful to him. That you have come to realize that you married too young and no longer want to be married.
 

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They both live at home with her parents. She and her mom are drama queens. Any marrrisge that starts off in the parental home of the wife......... probably doomed. Add up all the qualities of mother and daughter and one gets the dice roll. Snake eyes.
 

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It must be incredibly empowering to be a young woman who grew up in a media-dominated society where every day you are told that because you were born with a vagina that you are automatically entitled to do what ever you want and steamroll whoever you want in order to get what you want as long as it is what you want.
this is the direct approach but there's a lot of truth in this statement. its not only young women. this has been going on for a long time. there's a name for it. It's called MPS -- magic puzzy syndrome. Free this and that, free entry into clubs, free drinks, ladies night, fun in my 20s - traditional guy to marry in my 30s; man is supposed to........... Guys if you detect this in your girl -- shut it down right away.

Who can blame them? I certainly don't. It's the men who have permitted and encouraged this for decades. Men who enacted this policy long before we were born. We simply inherited it.

In this lady's case, she's in her prime at 21 and loves her superpowers as Tom Lakas would say. The husband won't hit his prime for some time. He's a boy in comparison. It ain't 1921 anymore. This is what old-world thinking will get a nice boy with good intentions. This was over from day one. She probably liked the idea of having a wedding and attention on her special day. Too bad this young man didn't have an uncle like me to set him straight. I suspect a strong evangelical influence here.
 

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I think I need to just divorce him myself and not say anything about cheating. I’m scared about all of this, but I don’t think there’s a better option. I think me cheating so many times on him is a sign that something isn’t working out for us. It hurts knowing I’m going to let this amazing person go, but I don’t know if this life is for me. I don’t think any of it was a mistake, it’s all been for a reason. Im scared of what comes next but I think this is the best choice. It’s hard coming to this conclusion… after all he’s the only boyfriend I’ve ever had… we grew up together. It’s going to be hard to let him go. But I think this is what I need to do. I have some growing up to do. I have a lot of life to experience. I just hate that it took so much for me to see that at last. I will have divorced a good man. I pray he can find peace with this choice. I pray I’m doing the right thing.
You have half of it right. You must divorce him. You must also come clean about your cheating. He has to know why you are ending the marriage. It is almost as cruel not to tell him the reason as to cheat on him. You don't want to tell him because you don't want him to think less of you. He needs to know in order to move on and not wonder what went wrong. TELL HIM! You owe him the complete truth. Try that for a change.
 

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IDK, she actually landed on divorcing him but not admitting to this round of cheating. She learned that she isn't ready for marriage. So I disagree just didn't learn anything and just came on here for justification.

We all want her to get her comeuppance by telling him - and yes, he deserves to know, but if she wants to just leave the marriage, that's her decision. It's better than her staying married to him and burying the cheating. With him not in her life anymore she will eventually calm down and learn from this experience.

I feel bad for the guy - he just didn't pick the right partner....or picked her way too soon.
If I might add as a food for thought.
She cheated.
I'm quite sure the thought of STD/STI never crossed her mind as she simply does not care.

It's her decision to leave and not tell him.
It's her decision to potentially leave him with a bomb that could kill him.

I hope she at least recommend that he get tested.
 
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Blindsiding your husband with divorce will not be in anyway for his benefit. It will be extremely harmful to his self image.

Divorce him but tell him the reason behind it. That you have had an another affair since being married and cannot bring yourself to be faithful to him. That you have come to realize that you married too young and no longer want to be married.
instead of divorcing him, how about not cheating again, and taking the knowledge of this affair to your grave?

the divorce will devastate him. as will finding out you screwed another man. how about learning from that mistake, and improving yourself?
 

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instead of divorcing him, how about not cheating again, and taking the knowledge of this affair to your grave?

the divorce will devastate him. as will finding out you screwed another man. how about learning from that mistake, and improving yourself?
She’s cheated what… 3 times already?

This is who she is.
 
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