Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
321 - 340 of 380 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,911 Posts
But it’s not his fault. It’s mine 100%.

I should’ve seen that from the first time I cheated. It’s all me. I will not crush him harder with a betrayal. I feel this is the right thing.
How utterly selfish of you to think the only person who should be learning from this experience is yourself. He needs to understand what to look for, how to properly vet his next partner, what questions to ask. You owe him at least that. You also owe yourself an incredibly painful experience... watching him suffer through what you tell him. Because if that experience is painful enough for you... then maybe you will remember what it was like and change your ways in the future.

You need to tell him. Everything. Because you, YOU, have no idea what is enough, what is not. That's for him to decide, not you. You need to release your control.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
1,861 Posts
My goods @prayingforamiracle doesn't that seem like a big switch to you reading those two statements, especially since they were made only two days apart. If I did not know better it almost comes across to me that you would rather just divorce your husband than to tell him the truth about the things you have done to him and your marriage. You talk about needing to maybe grow up does this seem like a grown responsible decisions just two days apart.
Exactly, she would rather run from the truth instead of facing it. My opinion is that is the coward's way out.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
1,861 Posts
How utterly selfish of you to think the only person who should be learning from this experience is yourself. He needs to understand what to look for, how to properly vet his next partner, what questions to ask. You owe him at least that. You also owe yourself an incredibly painful experience... watching him suffer through what you tell him. Because if that experience is painful enough for you... then maybe you will remember what it was like and change your ways in the future.

You need to tell him. Everything. Because you, YOU, have no idea what is enough, what is not. That's for him to decide, not you. You need to release your control.
Instead of knowing the truth he will be always WTF happened.

@prayingforamiracle Do you really want to compound one lie with more? What story are you going to tell your husband? What will be your reason for divorcing him? Don't do this to him or to you. You are just continuing the same cheating, lying behavior.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,429 Posts
But it’s not his fault. It’s mine 100%.

I should’ve seen that from the first time I cheated. It’s all me. I will not crush him harder with a betrayal. I feel this is the right thing.
It would be very cruel of you to divorce him without telling him why. He would be left with questions and desperation not knowing what he had done to deserve it.

Sorry, you have to tell him. There is no way you can avoid it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,911 Posts
It would be very cruel of you to divorce him without telling him why. He would be left with questions and desperation not knowing what he had done to deserve it.

Sorry, you have to tell him. There is no way you can avoid it.
It is part of growth for both of them. You have to face the music. Each must face the consequences of their actions; in the case of the betrayed spouse, unfortunately, he didn't vet as well as he should have. He didn't ask the questions he should have, he wasn't as observant as he should have been, and, very sadly, he learned that trust has to be earned and his spouse didn't earn it back those earlier times she strayed.

It's not fair to the betrayed spouse, no question. But it's really a case of which version of "not fair" has the best potential for him to grow and have a better future.

I hope that spouses on the edge of betraying their partner read threads like these and understand the magnitude of what they're thinking of doing. At least, in this case, there are no kids involved. Well, actually, there are. The husband and wife in this story are both in need of learning so they can move on to adulthood. But you don't have to learn this way!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
79 Posts
But it’s not his fault. It’s mine 100%.

I should’ve seen that from the first time I cheated. It’s all me. I will not crush him harder with a betrayal. I feel this is the right thing.
You said you husband was raised church of Christ. I don’t know if you were raised in the church as well, but I was and unless you grew up in the c of C, it is hard to understand the mindset. The church actually checks several of the boxes for what makes a church a cult. There are a lot of good people in the church, but it can f your mind up. It did mine.
You must grant him the grace to know that you committed adultery, freeing him to remarry. He has forgiven the other times you committed adultery so please show him this mercy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14 Posts
I had a real mental check in today with myself and I think you’re 100% right. I think I need to just divorce him.

We’ve both done wrong in this relationship. I don’t think we were ready for any of this. I’m just sorry it took me so long to see that.
Shouldn't that be up to him? You have claimed to love him many times and now you're just gonna bail? Wow. You made the right decision to tell him the truth and then you let someone else convince you another option is better. Kinda weird that that's how likely how all of your cheating has happened. You know it's wrong, but you let someone convince you it will be ok and then you cheat and regret the ****ty decision. Grow up and tell him the truth. Once you make that decision to tell him, get off this site and go tell him like you know you should. Do it. He deserves the truth. He DESERVES the truth. HE DESERES THE TRUTH.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
10,147 Posts
You’re just trying to dodge the fallout that you know is coming. He’s entitled to the truth. Who knows — he might even want to stay with you. Tell him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,330 Posts
I think I need to just divorce him myself and not say anything about cheating. I’m scared about all of this, but I don’t think there’s a better option. I think me cheating so many times on him is a sign that something isn’t working out for us. It hurts knowing I’m going to let this amazing person go, but I don’t know if this life is for me. I don’t think any of it was a mistake, it’s all been for a reason. Im scared of what comes next but I think this is the best choice. It’s hard coming to this conclusion… after all he’s the only boyfriend I’ve ever had… we grew up together. It’s going to be hard to let him go. But I think this is what I need to do. I have some growing up to do. I have a lot of life to experience. I just hate that it took so much for me to see that at last. I will have divorced a good man. I pray he can find peace with this choice. I pray I’m doing the right thing.
That's right little lady, take the coward's way out and walk on the path of the coward for life. Not only will you leave a man wondering why he wasn't good enough for you where he should be informed that it is you who is not good enough for him, but you will be walking on a path of lies and deceit from that moment forward for the rest of your life.

In the mean time, your husband would mourn the death of a marriage and feeling less than a man where he could mourn the (spiritual) death of a person that never was (you, his wife) and move on to someone more faithful and deserving of his love.

If you don't tell him, you will be placing the future of two people on paths based on deceit and lies. But hey, you've been doing what feels good to you so far... No reason to change now, right?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,725 Posts
Young, yes. Immature, perhaps. Not ready for a committed relationship? Who’s to say?

I need to work on my self control and since this incident, I absolutely have. I don’t want to be that woman anymore. I will not falter again. He’s not my fall back stable guy, he’s my husband. He’s the man I grew up with. He knows me better than anyone else. Is he a fool? Really? As far as I’m concerned, he is more like Jesus than anyone I’ve ever met. I surely don’t deserve him, but yet, he loves me. I don’t see him as a fool.
If you are not being upfront and truthful with him you are playing him for the fool!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,725 Posts
What must I do to prove that I am capable? I don’t want to end my marriage… it’s only been a year. I don’t want to throw away the only thing in life that’s ever mattered to me. I don’t want to throw away the person I promised to love and cherish forever. I will do whatever it takes to make it right. I will do whatever it takes to make him happy.
The that is to tell him, ask forgiveness and do the hard work of repenting and making it right. God said if there anything between you to leave your offering at tge alter and go make it right and then come and present your offering to him. Basically if you have not confessed to your hubby and sought his forgiveness, God is saying talk to the ✋. Go confess and repent and then we will talk.

My sister cheated on her hubby. She used to be a Sunday School teacher to children. The thing that i remember most was her being upset and saying "I can't feel God any more"

"Ya THINK!?" If you have not confessed to hubby then the adultry will always be between you and him and God will be saying talk to the ✋. Without seeking forgiveness from hubby the sin will always be there, unforgiven. Your relationship with him and God will not be what it could be.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,192 Posts
But it’s not his fault. It’s mine 100%.

I should’ve seen that from the first time I cheated. It’s all me. I will not crush him harder with a betrayal. I feel this is the right thing.
I mean if you divorce him, he'll be hurt. You aren't going to be saving him from pain without an explanation.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
55 Posts
You are not very mature. You want to run and hide and not tell him why. This will eat at him for a very very long time. Seems you like punishing him in many different ways for loving you. If you choose to divorce him tell him you do not deserve him and you cannot continue to lie to him. Tell him you cheated on him 3 times. 2 that he knows of. YOU OWE HIM THAT IF YOU LOVE HIM. You seem to only love yourself.

Divorce him and do not tell him why. What if he did that to you. Sorry to say but he is better off without you in his life. you are really messed up in your thinking.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,725 Posts
I thank you for your kindness in advising me here. It makes me feel like I finally have a parent looking out for me. It means more than you may realize.

I know you’re right… that maybe this is the end of the rope for he and I… I’m just so scared of what that life looks like. I’m scared of losing his family that took me in, cared for me, and called me one of their own. What would they say? Or my family for that matter, they’d never let me hear the end of it. “I told you so” rings loud in my ears from my parents even now. I’m scared of losing my life partner, the only person who’s ever truly loved me in this world. I grew up with him, he’s the only love I’ve ever known. To lose that.. I feel a piece of me would die. I can’t imagine seeing our things divided, a room emptied, drawers barren. Never feeling him next to me asleep anymore. Never giving him a kiss good morning anymore. What have I done…
IUnfortunately it did not scare you enough to NOT cheat on him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,725 Posts
The biblical teaching is that adultery is the only reason for allowing divorce. Straight from the mouth of the Lord. So when it comes to the marital relationship there is a hierarchy of offenses in the eyes of God.
Sexually immorallity......Bible does not limit it to adultry. It could be saying you are virgin and spouse finds out you were not. There are several things that could fall into that category of sexual immorality.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,725 Posts
Lesbian relationship. Almost marrying a woman.
Doing theater....often nude scenes, kissing of male actors for "work".
Rampant hanging with other men, texting, flirting, sexting other men.
Sexual affairs multiple times on your husband.
Telling other people to PHUCK off.

"I am a devote Christian"

Wow. You may want to work on that some.
Christians like you is one of the main things that drives off the unbelieving world from Christ. They look at the way his people act and think....if that is what being a Christian looks like I want no part of that.
When my son went to college the 1st thing i told him and with emphasis is stay away from the Drama Dept. that group is a seriously F'ed up, partner swapping, suicidal, self harm group.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,725 Posts
I think I need to just divorce him myself and not say anything about cheating. I’m scared about all of this, but I don’t think there’s a better option. I think me cheating so many times on him is a sign that something isn’t working out for us. It hurts knowing I’m going to let this amazing person go, but I don’t know if this life is for me. I don’t think any of it was a mistake, it’s all been for a reason. Im scared of what comes next but I think this is the best choice. It’s hard coming to this conclusion… after all he’s the only boyfriend I’ve ever had… we grew up together. It’s going to be hard to let him go. But I think this is what I need to do. I have some growing up to do. I have a lot of life to experience. I just hate that it took so much for me to see that at last. I will have divorced a good man. I pray he can find peace with this choice. I pray I’m doing the right thing.
That is not right. He will be tormented thinking it was something he did wrong. It is all my fault...why was i not good enough? You need to tell him the truth....it is the only right thing to do. There can be no forgiveness from him unless there is confession.
 
321 - 340 of 380 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top