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I had been having lunch w a coworker and we’ve been venting to each other for a few months and recently found ourselves in the others arms. I don’t want to confide in my wife but need to decide what to do about it.
Feel free to tell me I’m the worst but I need to hear some sage advice.


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I had been having lunch w a coworker and we’ve been venting to each other for a few months and recently found ourselves in the others arms. I don’t want to confide in my wife but need to decide what to do about it.
Feel free to tell me I’m the worst but I need to hear some sage advice.


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Start by being honest with yourself, then move on to being honest with your wife and with us.
 

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You ****ed up. Now the question is: do you want to stay with your wife:


Yes: don't do it again ever. You owe her complete forgiveness if she does the same.

No: Tell her you want a divorce.


Not sure: Well decide







I had been having lunch w a coworker and we’ve been venting to each other for a few months and recently found ourselves in the others arms. I don’t want to confide in my wife but need to decide what to do about it.
Feel free to tell me I’m the worst but I need to hear some sage advice.


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June 2019: "Unfortunately, right now, I’m more attracted to the receptionist who winks at me than the mother who blows me.
...and maybe it’s all related because she has a job but it’s all I can think of despite our son being taught all beautiful values our family is built on and not the nanny’s values."


Let's see, you have been dating a co-worker for a while, telling her all your complaints about home. Is she married too? Sounds like it.

The affair went from an EA to a PA. Of course you don't want to confide in your wife, you confide in your AP.

You knew where you were headed. What kind of sage advice are you looking for? You did not follow the sage advice from TAM in 2-2020.

My advice is to find some integrity to go along with the beautiful values your wife is teaching your son.
 

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June 2019: "Unfortunately, right now, I’m more attracted to the receptionist who winks at me than the mother who blows me.
Him describing his wife in such ignoble and vile terms gives us insight into his character. FasterEddie, you're like an unemployed teacher; no class.
 

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I had been having lunch w a coworker and we’ve been venting to each other for a few months and recently found ourselves in the others arms. I don’t want to confide in my wife but need to decide what to do about it.
Feel free to tell me I’m the worst but I need to hear some sage advice.


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Why do you come here? You don't listen to a thing anyone says. You are making horrible, mean decisions and you are doing it willfully. What do you want from us?

Of course you need to tell your wife and while you're at it, give her this web address so we can help her extricate herself from your lying, cheating ass.
 

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Don't act like you didn't see this coming. You are an adult, you knew what was brewing and you let it happen anyway. My sage advice? Tell your wife and set her free. She sounds lovely, I'm sure a better man would love the opportunity to make her happy again.


I had been having lunch w a coworker and we’ve been venting to each other for a few months and recently found ourselves in the others arms. I don’t want to confide in my wife but need to decide what to do about it.
Feel free to tell me I’m the worst but I need to hear some sage advice.


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Well, it appears the A bomb is poised to drop. Your W deserves better. Advise? Tell you W. Divorce amicably. Good luck Eddy.
 

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Don't act like you didn't see this coming. You are an adult, you knew what was brewing and you let it happen anyway. My sage advice? Tell your wife and set her free. She sounds lovely, I'm sure a better man would love the opportunity to make her happy again.
:(:iagree:

As a student of life, friends, coworkers, etc. I have seen a lot. Most people who cheat "tempt" themselves saying that "nothing will happen." They either appear to enjoy the emotional rush of the temptation and feelings that "nothing happened" until one fateful day that they discover they are weaker than they thought.

After that, they start to convince themselves they are actually under control while they unconsciously sabotage their marriage until their affair is obvious to all around them including their spouse. At that point their spouse triggers the divorce they have been working to implement all along.

Yes, you fix yourself. You can either tell your wife and beg her forgiveness or you can take your secret to your grave and pray each night that she never finds out. Either way your actions will have huge emotional consequences.

Good luck. You might talk to an IC or to a priest/minister to help you sort some things out in your own mind.
 

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:(:iagree:

As a student of life, friends, coworkers, etc. I have seen a lot. Most people who cheat "tempt" themselves saying that "nothing will happen." They either appear to enjoy the emotional rush of the temptation and feelings that "nothing happened" until one fateful day that they discover they are weaker than they thought.

After that, they start to convince themselves they are actually under control while they unconsciously sabotage their marriage until their affair is obvious to all around them including their spouse. At that point their spouse triggers the divorce they have been working to implement all along.

Yes, you fix yourself. You can either tell your wife and beg her forgiveness or you can take your secret to your grave and pray each night that she never finds out. Either way your actions will have huge emotional consequences.

Good luck. You might talk to an IC or to a priest/minister to help you sort some things out in your own mind.
:iagree:

Pretty much what happened with me. I was actually moments away from having sex (unprotected at that) with my Emotional Affair partner when I realised what I was doing and stopped.

Stupid drunken revenge affair, between two psychologically damaged lushes. Unbelievable how dumb apparently intelligent people can be. :rolleyes:
 

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Fast eddy: yes, you're no good. Tell your W that you've found someone else and it's over.
Your W at least deserves the truth. She definitely doesn't deserve someone like you.
 

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Be honest with yourself, get tested for STDs/STIs, figure out through IC what you want to do move on or stay in your marriage.
Be honest with your wife regardless. She also needs to be tested etc. If the OW is a co worker, stand by to loose your employment.
Sorry
Buffer
 

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Like others, I'm wondering what you are looking for here? You're like a teenager who has been told over and over and over that drugs are bad and that there will be serious consequences for taking them, but you snort the coke anyway, crash your parents car, and wind up in jail.

You screwed up- seriously. You can't undo it- ever. What you can do is work on yourself. Get counseling ASAP. Be 100% honest with yourself about who you are and what you've done.

Above all, be 100% honest (which looks like uncharted territory for you) with your W. She deserves to know the full, unaltered truth.

Work on yourself pal, work on yourself.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
I agree with all of you. We have the best mother for my family and selfishly don’t want to break that up. Maybe it’s my nature or the nurture that can’t stop but I believe I can love multiple people simultaneously. Is that wrong just because you were raised believing otherwise?


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I would argue it's VERY WRONG because YOU'RE MARRIED. But that doesn't seem to concern you, or even stop you from putting yourself in dangerous situations.


And I can already tell you won't tell your wife. You're too selfish.

So here is the bigger problem you're going to have:

That women you were with?
Does she want more? Will she want more? If she does, she might want you to get divorced. Or, maybe she'll force it by calling your wife or sabotaging your marriage to get a divorce. Or maybe, one day after you realize how stupid you've been acting, you'll break it up with her. Or maybe you'll see that she's crazy, or realize that you can't stand her, anything is possible. She might be vengeful, call your wife, and tell her everything. There's an awful lot that can go wrong here.

And another issue: you live in the information age.
Maybe your wife checks your facebook one day and catches this. Or you leave your work email up, and she does.
Or, and this is something I doubt you considered, HR! Companies don't like this. It leaves them open to lawsuits. Maybe HR does a random email search for documentation and stumbles across this? Or maybe some executive in your company gets in trouble, so HR has to start reading a bunch of emails. And they might stumble across yours and realize what is going on. Or maybe someone hears a bit of office gossip and it gets to HR? Maybe a coworker has been the BS in their marriage, hears about what you're doing, and reports you. Or maybe a coworker and you are battling for a promotion. That coworker might fight dirty, discover this secret, and report you. There's an awful lot that can go wrong.

Do you see what I'm getting at?
You're probably going to try and hide this.
Problem is, you can't.
 

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I agree with all of you. We have the best mother for my family and selfishly don’t want to break that up. Maybe it’s my nature or the nurture that can’t stop but I believe I can love multiple people simultaneously. Is that wrong just because you were raised believing otherwise?


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I would recommend you offer for her to do the same thing you are doing. She can have a man to have sex with that she can love in addition to you. It shouldn’t bother you, since you are so wise and open minded about love.
 
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