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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi, I'm so frustrated with my husband's bad self habbits. It wasn't a problem until about a year ago....

When we first started dating, he would shower, shave and brush his teeth every day. Life happened, I got laid off and so did he, so to save my house we started driving a truck. When you drive cross country as a team, they never want the truck to stop, so we rarely had time to shower and have meals together. We had to live with 2 showers most weeks and sometimes we could squeeze in 3 depending on the run and how it worked out.

Just over 2 years ago, we got out of truck driving and both got good jobs that keep us home and we have bought another house together. Shortly after we moved into our new house is when he started taking fewer and fewer showers. He brushes his teeth about once every couple of months (pluls he chews).

He makes comments about how I don't lay on his shoulder anymore and snuggle with him. I have told him straight up if he would take regular showers and brush his teeth daily I would be more then willing to snuggle and lay on his shoulder.

It seems to fall on deaf ears. I have talked to my dentist about his breath and what things I could try to get him to brush and to go see the dentist. Nothing has worked.

The only times I miss a shower is if I wake up REALLY late. My job is an office job, his is a delivery job and very physical. This week, I don't think he's taken a shower since Sunday and it's Friday. He wears the same clothes too, he changes his socks, but not other things.

I have one of those automatic air fresheners that spray every so many minutes in our bedroom.
 

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That's pretty gross Demora. I'm not sure how you can live with it:scratchhead:

If my significant other were like that I would have to find a way to force them into the shower:D Seriously though, you obviously can't make anyone do anything, but you do make a choice about who you live with. I would sleep elswhere (a family member's house) until my significant other cleaned up their act!
 

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It sounds like you might need to just take some drastic steps like insist he see a shrink. If he can justify being that insensitive then something must have happened to his mental state.

Did he get depressed when you had to start driving truck? Does he feel that working for the new house and all is just a waste of time because it could be taken away again?

All these thoughts could be why he doesn't care to clean up....its just not worth it to him.
 

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This sounds terrible but is there any way that you could maybe enlist family and friends to maybe bring this up even if they have to state that they have noticed his overall uncleanliness of late? That might be of some help.
 

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I would suggest maybe being flirty and get him in the shower WITH you...suggest washing each others backs and such. Im sorry you are having to go through this...:-(

Personally I wouldn't enlist a family member because that could make it worse, he might get embarrassed and act out.

He could be "depressed" because I've heard the life of a truck driver could do that to you...
 

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Having worked many years in the trucking industry I know what driver go through on a regular basic specially OTR. However, it is unhealthy for him and you for him to continue lick this.

I think Sarah has a good idea with the whole shower together thing.

draconis
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks for all your responses. I have tried several times for us to take an shower together and he says that our shower is too small, but when we were driving, we took showers together on a regular basis. It was a way to save time and get back on the road, as well as being fun.

It's very embarrassing and I guess I have been able to live with it because it's been a change...I guess sort of like the frog soup idea...put a frog in cool water and heat it slowly, it won't jump out.

When he comes in the bathroom and I'm brushing my teeth, I had him his tooth brush and he grumbles but brushes. Most of the time though he doesn't come in when I'm brushing my teeth, I guess because he knows I will hand him a tooth brush! It's very nasty.
 

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Is the shower really too small or is that his "excuse"? If its his excuse then I would assume its time to put your foot down. Do you have kids? I would give him a wake up call and let him know its really bothering you and that you love him and want the man he used to be.
 

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Sage's idea about depression and perhaps needing to see a counselor is right on, in my opinion. To take it a little farther, do you think your hubby may be harboring some kind of anger at you? It sounds like you went through pretty tough financial times. Maybe there is something he is stewing about. I'm not saying you've done anything wrong, but maybe something he took the wrong way?
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I think he has a problem with me making more money then he does. I don't make a big deal out of it, between the two of us, our bills get paid, we eat and have a couple toys (motorcycles). I see it as both of us working together to make a life, and I guess it could be something he's having a hard time dealing with. Which would be really strange since when we first met, I was a computer programmer (like I am now) so he knew what my career and education was.

I'm going to start counseling (probably next month) and I am hoping that he will be interested in coming with me at some point.

My job is really stressful right now, we have a huge conversion this month, so I have a lot of meetings during the day and can't spend a lot of time on the phone when he calls...which I get the impression he thinks I get paid to surf the net all day.

You guys could be on to something.
 

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I have a similar problem with my husband's teeth. He doesn't take as good care of them as he should. Sometimes when I notice they're getting bad, I say stuff like "Hey honey, let's go brush our teeth together and then we can make breakfast." I also got my husband new deodorant and cologne. Not that he stinks, he just doesn't have much of a smell to him. He wears the stuff because it was "a present from his baby." Little corny stuff like that seems to work with my husband. As for the showering, if you can't entice him to shower with you by using some sexual lingo, hopefully a decent deodorant or cologne will somewhat mask the smell.. Not a great idea, but it's kinda a temporary fix!

Good luck. I wish you the best!
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
He has recently had an issue with his heart and so he's finally getting some health care and seeing a doctor regularly. We have the same doctor. I have talked to her about some issues. I haven't brought this up though. I have talked to my dentist about his teeth and my dentist has offered to just talk to him, and my husband doesn't want any part of it.

He took a shower on Saturday (his frist one since Monday) and then another one yesterday when he got home from work.

I've bought him cologne and deoderant. He wears the deoderant, and sometimes the cologne.
 

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He has recently had an issue with his heart and so he's finally getting some health care and seeing a doctor regularly. We have the same doctor. I have talked to her about some issues. I haven't brought this up though. I have talked to my dentist about his teeth and my dentist has offered to just talk to him, and my husband doesn't want any part of it.

He took a shower on Saturday (his frist one since Monday) and then another one yesterday when he got home from work.

I've bought him cologne and deoderant. He wears the deoderant, and sometimes the cologne.
SO do you think he is getting a bit better?

draconis
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Not really. Last week he took a shower on Wednesday. On Monday night when I got home from work, I stripped the sheets of the bed, Febreezed the heck out of the mattress and put clean sheets and stuff on the bed. I told him he couldn't get into bed unless he took a shower.

After his shower, I layed on his shoulder and snuggled with him while he watched his wrestling.

I'm not sure what to do about it.
 

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Not really. Last week he took a shower on Wednesday. On Monday night when I got home from work, I stripped the sheets of the bed, Febreezed the heck out of the mattress and put clean sheets and stuff on the bed. I told him he couldn't get into bed unless he took a shower.

After his shower, I layed on his shoulder and snuggled with him while he watched his wrestling.

I'm not sure what to do about it.
I pray your husband will see the patience you have given him.

draconis
 
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