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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
letter to husband

you want me to show intrest in things you want to do/ care about.
you want me to help you work on things(home repairs ect..) or just keep you company
i try and show my intrest by asking questions and things but always get shut down bc you dont have the patience,so i figure why bother,but in the end i still try, bc i want to support you
.......
why wont you do the same for me, its really disheartning
when i ask you a question about shopping/the baby ect..,its not to just hear myself talk but because i genuinely want your opion. but i always get i dont know or my fav. i dont care.
i would like you to keep me company IF i shop, or if for some reason there was something i would like to do. i would like to be met with an open mind and somewhat of an intrest on your part. not a, no i dont like that.or cant do that.
but..i get put on the back burner... example: i want us to go find our 1st babys 1st outfit bc its important to me .even though its not number 1 on your list why wont you support me?and maybe pretend for an hr? instead i hear gahhh is it really that important!? can it not wait!? is it needed!? ill just sit in the car. i want to share this with you,this is supposed to be a special time,how many 1st times will you get? if i cant be excited with the love of my life about our baby it dosent make it much fun for me.i mean for heavens sake you are the other half of her, but the way you make me feel about it is as if this baby is a curse. then when we do have her we wont have all the alone time we have now and i would like to have happy memories and enjoy every second of it. not to say im not going to bust my butt to always put our marriage first and formost,because i want us to always have a strong emotional/physical relationship.
then the issue with me wanting a dress thast a whole other story but i can live without that, it would just be nice seeing im now going to be #3 on the list when baby gets here and will never have time for myself.
..............
this makes me feel emotionally alone when i feel you dont care/want to participate in my intrests. i imagine it to maybe being like how you would feel if i never was intimate with you,it would probably make you feel unwanted or unloved. which i never want you to feel. so i try and meet that need as often as possible. i really enjoy being intimate with you and as time goes on im sure it will get better seeing as each time i get more and more comfortable with my sexuality/self image. it makes me happy when i know i have pleased you.
i make time to do things with you that you like
do you make time for me to do the things i like?
ive tried explaing this to you over and over but it never gets through. i try not to take things you like to do and put it down like it dosent matter, i try to get as envolved as i can,untill you end up pushing me away,but i think you should really try and do the same for me. mutual respect is very important here and should not be taken lightly.i know im not perfect and sometimes may put down your intrest not knowing i am, but for the most part i try really hard not to.but i am trying. i guess im writing it down is bc its my final effort in getting this to you on this subject. this is a need i need you to meet.
and if you have any needs i need to meet, i expect you to bring thoes to my attention, i cannot read your mind.
love always


fyi: stay at home wife. 8 mnths preg. 2 yrs marriage,never have i asked for him to take me shopping.i worked for a little while. now i just take care of him home and myself rigth now being so close to giving birth. i can barely fit into the 3 dresses i have now and hes been tellign me the last 4 weekends he would take me to get one and an take home outfit fofr baby. but this is not about how i need him to spend money on me its about the resistance im met with.
 

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I'm not big on letter writing. I know you want to open a dialog with him, but should he write a letter back? Would you answer that letter with another letter?

When you write, you don't get a chance to watch for reaction, maybe change the next thing you say, maybe back off, change inflection in your voice.

And this sentence:

"not to say im not going to bust my butt to always put our marriage first and formost,because i want us to always have a strong emotional/physical relationship."

whether written or spoken, should be the lead in. Expressing that the intention of the talk/letter is to further a strong emotional/physical relationship gives the reason for the discussion.
 

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Sounds a little condemning and judgemental to me. I'm not sure you are thinking clearly. Writing this down may be therapeutic but you might not want to deliver it. Stating that this is your final effort sounds too dramatic
 

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Most men don't read and they hate to talk even less.

Even I didn't read this because it was too long. If you want to learn how to get your needs met you're going to have to learn other ways than by letter writing or talking. These things rarely work.
 

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My husband reads every letter word for word. He saves them too, especially the appreciation and love letters.

Sometimes when I talk about how I feel, it seems like he's not fully listening. Writing it down gets me a lot further. My husband and I have great communication, even if it means writing a letter.

My husband is a very nice guy who has a sensitive side to him. Each and every one of us is unique in our own way.

Personally I'd write the letter, set it down for a few hours and go back to it and see if you need to revise anything. This always works for me.

Good luck. I really wish you the best.
 

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This letter wouldn't offend me. Although, based on the letter I get the feeling that your husband is very stressed and is probably feeling the full weight of responsibility that he now has. Also, I don't get the impression that you acknowledge this. I'm also getting the feeling, just from the letter, that you're a bit needy right now. Not saying it's a bad thing. I'm a father 3 times and I know how things get around month 8. Just keep telling yourself, this will all pass.
 

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Maybe read it to him.

When my husband left, i wrote a letter that night and when he came to get his stuff the next day, I asked for 5 minutes of his time to just listen...it was very powerful.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 · (Edited)
yea i was upset when i wrote this,rly just wrote it to get it off my mind. this being out first child and hiim being the only one working he is super stressed,but so am i. i go out of my way to help relieve some of it. he goes to work and comes home, everything else is taken care .and we talk about his feelings concerns daily so u cant say i dont agknowlage his feelingsi just feel like he dosent want to see my way as well.when i have tried to talk to him (whne im not upset) he constantly interrupts me. and switches the subject onto him. he litterally does not want to her or agknowlage my feelings. it was even that way before the pregnancy. is it so wrong for me to want him to do things with me that i like sometime? and not be shut down and talked down too? i dont feel equal. he says he works and im so lucky to be at home sitting on the couch. but i feel i work just as hard. dang i just want some credit. tired of hearing "just do as your told"
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
thinking about it i should have never stopped working. i dont have the freedom i once had.it also made me feel good being able to contribute with bills.
i absolutly hate asking for money because i say i only need 30 bucks he says well try and spend 20. this was said just two days ago the first time ive asked for any since stopped working 1 yr ago because i know how big of a struggle it is. i ended up not even going
 

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No, it wouldn't offend me. I also hope you're not offended when your husband tells you the stuff you want him to give opinions about is totally indifferent for him. The reason why he doesn't do those things like go shopping and give you shopping opinions is because, like me, he thinks those things are some of the most boring activities in existence.

You need to get some female friends to do that stuff with. Just like he needs to get some male friends to do his stuff with him. Then you both need to find common activities.
 

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yea i was upset when i wrote this,rly just wrote it to get it off my mind. this being out first child and hiim being the only one working he is super stressed,but so am i. i go out of my way to help relieve some of it. he goes to work and comes home, everything else is taken care .and we talk about his feelings concerns daily so u cant say i dont agknowlage his feelingsi just feel like he dosent want to see my way as well.when i have tried to talk to him (whne im not upset) he constantly interrupts me. and switches the subject onto him. he litterally does not want to her or agknowlage my feelings. it was even that way before the pregnancy. is it so wrong for me to want him to do things with me that i like sometime? and not be shut down and talked down too? i dont feel equal. he says he works and im so lucky to be at home sitting on the couch. but i feel i work just as hard. dang i just want some credit. tired of hearing "just do as your told"
Wow, he tells you just do as you are told? Why, are you his child? I'm sorry, but THAT would offend me. I don't care if you're staying home right now or not, he has no right to say that to you. Marriage is an equal partnership. I am 8 months pregnant right now (my youngest is 12) and let me tell you I forgot what this is like and how Physically difficult it makes everything at the end!
Something tells me he's not going to give you the respect and gratitude you deserve for taking care of his child. I stayed home with my older children but with my 2nd husband I out earn him by a lot, so I will be working after my leave is over. I don't want to, I'd rather be home the whole first few years, but I will say its easier to work than be a SAHM.
You two need to talk about this.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!
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