[itzachicken]

My husband has some pretty undesirable friends and out of them there are only 3 or 4 I'm of them I'm comfortable having around my children, he understands and generally respects that. Most of his pals are older bachelors that drink heavily and smoke lots of pot. One of them I've actually managed to get along with is becoming a concern. He became a concern at my 2 year old's birthday; he showed up with a giant bottle of cheap wine and was beyond fashionably late, he and his girlfriend were clearly under the influence of something. They didn't eat any of the food we had prepared but gladly took a huge baggy full of leftovers. I felt this was sorta rude but let it go and didn't say anything and I wonder who the hell brings a bottle of wine to a 2 year old's birthday? The same guy shows up today at the house looking like hell and ask for my husband. I tell him he's at work and ask him whats going on. He tells me his girlfriend is stuck in town and he needs help. He was obviously upset so I asked him if he wanted to come in, his speech was garbled and I could hardly understand him. He wouldn't come in. I told him I would tell my husband to call him when he gets home and if it was anything I could help out with I'll be happy to once the kids wake up. He says he needs some help and just takes off. It was really weird so now I'm left wondering if my husbands buddy needs some money or what the hell was going on. It stresses me out to see stuff like this happening when I would normally be at work (I return in 2 weeks after the birth of our second child).

The dilemma I have is should I bring my concerns up with my husband that his friend seems to be becoming someone I don't want around my kids. I believe his buddy might be messing with some hard drugs. After all my husband and I have been getting along for a few days quite well and I would hate for this to become something that will make us fight again because I don't feel most of his friends are people I want around my kids. Am I overreacting if I say something about his friends strange behavior?

 

[kipani]

Of course you should bring it up. Family means more than being polite! Wine to a 2yr olds bday wth.. lol really?

 

[itzachicken]

No kidding right? It was bad enough half of his family showed up hungover and or stoned. I expected that his sister's birthday was the night before and his whole family grows medicinal mj and its harvest week. Really who was gonna enjoy that? All the little munchkins, for Christ sake there were 4 autistic kids there already. I would have understood maybe a small bottle of something as a gift for the parents after the party but I don't think drinking and partying like horny teens in front of everyone was normal. Its a relief to know I'm not the only one to feel that way.

 

[ShawnD]

He became a concern at my 2 year old's birthday; he showed up with a giant bottle of cheap wine and was beyond fashionably late, he and his girlfriend were clearly under the influence of something. They didn't eat any of the food we had prepared but gladly took a huge baggy full of leftovers.

Sounds like a hardcore drug addict or a hardcore retard. That almost justifies poisoning a piece of food just before giving it to him in a doggy bag.

The same guy shows up today at the house looking like hell and ask for my husband...... his speech was garbled and I could hardly understand him. He wouldn't come in. I told him I would tell my husband to call him when he gets home and if it was anything I could help out with I'll be happy to once the kids wake up. He says he needs some help and just takes off.

Hardcore drug addict. Maybe he smelled like alcohol and that's why he didn't want to come in. Other possibilities causing slurred speech are:
-barbiturates
-bendoziazepines
-GHB

The dilemma I have is should I bring my concerns up with my husband that his friend seems to be becoming someone I don't want around my kids.

You're totally right. I wouldn't want some sketchy crack heads around my theoretical children.

I'm just curious, but does your husband take any medications to treat anxiety or insomnia?

 

[40isthenew20]

Kids come first in any situation. If your husband gets mad because of your legitimate concerns, then he is putting himself and this clown ahead of his children.

No need to be at any family type function, let alone a chids party, hammered.

 

[Dad&Hubby]

If one of my wife's friends came to our youngest son's birthday party and responded that way, they'd be first kicked out and second not allowed back into the picture.

I'm a firm believer you are whom you hang with in a large way, not 100% but still.

Your husband is at a different stage than a lot of his friends and it's time HE makes some decisions. He doesn't have to cut ties completely, but he should start distancing himself. I hate to say this but having friends who are in very different stages of life can put stresses on life. When you have one married person who's friends with all single people, that married person finds themselves in some situations that aren't good for their marriage. When a person goes through AA, but their partying friends still "live the life", it's hard and they need to distance themselves from the danger.

It's the same for your husband. He's now a husband and father and that comes with the requirement to protect your family and be mature.

 

[southern wife]

Sounds like a hardcore drug addict or a hardcore retard.

Hardcore drug addict. Maybe he smelled like alcohol and that's why he didn't want to come in. Other possibilities causing slurred speech are:
-barbiturates
-bendoziazepines
-GHB


You're totally right. I wouldn't want some sketchy crack heads around my theoretical children.

:iagree: :iagree:

 

[wiigirl]

Of course you should bring it up. Family means more than being polite! Wine to a 2yr olds bday wth.. lol really?

Agreed....bring it up. There are social rules and boundries that need to be addressed.

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[anotherguy]

yeah.. I dont see any 'dilemma' here.

Its a problem though that your husband hasnt seen fit to take any action so far. He needs to grow up and recognize that 'juvenile indescressions' (to put it kindly) have no place in a young childs life. Drugs... pot, bad behavior? No Effing Way. You do realize that kids latch onto and notice everything right? These are the loud people having fun, whats not to like and emulate?

He wants to go see his friends, fine, I guess. I wouldnt be inviting them to any more kids parties though.

I had some friends like that.. who never grew up. If I remember correctly - we just sort of drifted apart when I got into my 30s - and long before we had kids. A few of them havent changed a lick since highschool. Still smoking dope, still (maybe) in between jobs, still playing video games, still wondering why life is unfair and still fantasizing about the next big break without actually doing anything about it. Going nowhere. Pretty sad really. Its not about friendship, its about what happens when you grow up and have a family and those old friends are just no longer always relevant to what you are trying to accomplish as a family.

 

[itzachicken]

I'm just curious, but does your husband take any medications to treat anxiety or insomnia?

Nope...he doesn't take anything he self medicates which doesn't really work but to each his own. I brought up my concerns with him and he got really pissed off and it was quickly headed for a shouting match. I held my composure finding this website has really helped me deal with the bull**** without loosing my cool.

 

[In_The_Wind]

My husband has some pretty undesirable friends and out of them there are only 3 or 4 I'm of them I'm comfortable having around my children, he understands and generally respects that. Most of his pals are older bachelors that drink heavily and smoke lots of pot. One of them I've actually managed to get along with is becoming a concern. He became a concern at my 2 year old's birthday; he showed up with a giant bottle of cheap wine and was beyond fashionably late, he and his girlfriend were clearly under the influence of something. They didn't eat any of the food we had prepared but gladly took a huge baggy full of leftovers. I felt this was sorta rude but let it go and didn't say anything and I wonder who the hell brings a bottle of wine to a 2 year old's birthday? The same guy shows up today at the house looking like hell and ask for my husband. I tell him he's at work and ask him whats going on. He tells me his girlfriend is stuck in town and he needs help. He was obviously upset so I asked him if he wanted to come in, his speech was garbled and I could hardly understand him. He wouldn't come in. I told him I would tell my husband to call him when he gets home and if it was anything I could help out with I'll be happy to once the kids wake up. He says he needs some help and just takes off. It was really weird so now I'm left wondering if my husbands buddy needs some money or what the hell was going on. It stresses me out to see stuff like this happening when I would normally be at work (I return in 2 weeks after the birth of our second child).

The dilemma I have is should I bring my concerns up with my husband that his friend seems to be becoming someone I don't want around my kids. I believe his buddy might be messing with some hard drugs. After all my husband and I have been getting along for a few days quite well and I would hate for this to become something that will make us fight again because I don't feel most of his friends are people I want around my kids. Am I overreacting if I say something about his friends strange behavior?

Sounds like he was methed up or he has methed his life up

 

[Prodigal]

Nope...he doesn't take anything he self medicates which doesn't really work but to each his own.

Could you define what "self medicates" means? Is he drinking a lot of beer, wine, or hard liquor? Is he smoking pot? If so, how frequently, and how much?

Does he do any of this self-medicating around the kids, or does he wait until they are in bed?

 

[kipani]

My bf likes to smoke a pipe once in awhile. He lit up once in front of my baby, 18 months at the time. When he set the pipe down and walked away, she climbed in his chair and grabbed his pipe and lighter off his desk..

Just to clear things up, I dont like when he smokes in the house.. Thats why he waits til Im in the shower or something. ~_~

Kids are really impressionable. When I saw her do that, I was so angry with him!

 

[itzachicken]

He normally drinks 2 24oz tilts, which have a higher alcohol % than regular beer I believe its around 8%, those take him all evening to drink about once a week he has a binge night and will drink heavily...this week it was 5th of Black Velvet (the thought of drinking that crap make me want to vomit). Pot has been an on and off issue with him, most of the time he is good about not using it around the kids and either sneeks off to the back of our property or waits till they go to bed. He is however a daily user; sometimes its once a day and some he spends constantly stoned.

 

[ShawnD]

Nope...he doesn't take anything he self medicates which doesn't really work but to each his own.

I was asking because it seemed possible that he might be a drug dealer. Prescription benzodiazepines have some street value, and it would explain why his friends are so sketchy

 

[itzachicken]

ShawnD I've wondered that myself but there are 4 of us in a one bedroom so I don't believe hes doing anything hardcore hes just drawn to losers and doesn't show much desire to have friends with kids and the few he has had were such druggie asses I has a ****fit and wont allow them around. As another poster said he is the problem not his friends which is true also...I realize this but havent had the courage to get the hell out.

 

[CanadianGuy]

This is about the time you cross the road to get to the other side Itzachicken.

The drug and alcohol use are dragging the family down. Period.