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Yes, as long as its not their precious daughter or granddaughter who men are lusting over eh?:frown2:
Diana you realize that every straight guy has lusted over someones precious daughter right? It's only weird if you choose to put it in a context like you are forcing here.
 

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I understand your point, but if we're being honest, porn addiction isn't a ''hobby'' like Facebook and online gaming. Both of the latter, you could share with coworkers or friends. I don't see anything wrong with moderate porn viewing, if it's something understood by both spouses. But, if it is a hidden secret, a man disappearing into another room after his wife goes to bed, or he's sneaking it at work more often than not, and feels lost without it, if he couldn't go a week without it, that's an addiction, and I don't really feel that enabling addictions by labeling it something like a 'hobby' is helpful. That's just me.

And yea, I realize women can become addicted to, and my point goes for wives, as well. If you're sneaking off to do things behind your spouse's back, that's not healthy. That's not a hobby. That's a secret, that's something you know is wrong, but you do it anyway. You know it would hurt your marriage, but you do it anyway. That's the way of the world, unfortunately...our culture celebrates ''you do you,'' even if it hurts those around you.
Well Facebook could work exactly the same way. Lets say you are oversharing with your girlfriend about your husband, that's not cheating but it's still problematic. Gaming, Gambling could be other examples of things done in secret that are not cheating but have the potential to be a large betrayal in the marriage.

I am not saying that it's OK or not a potentially a huge problem, it's just in my opinion it's not cheating.
 

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Well Facebook could work exactly the same way. Lets say you are oversharing with your girlfriend about your husband, that's not cheating but it's still problematic. Gaming, Gambling could be other examples of things done in secret that are not cheating but have the potential to be a large betrayal in the marriage.

I am not saying that it's OK or not a potentially a huge problem, it's just in my opinion it's not cheating.
A betrayal. I like that wording. It wouldn't fit the cheating category quite like an emotional or physical affair, but things start somewhere. Images of others getting planted in one's mind, things your spouse won't do in bed but the porn starts to plant a seed that others will, etc. It is a behavior, if it's a long term porn habit, that can lead to someone becoming dissatisfied with real intimacy. (I've read stories on here that show a decline in quality sex and intimacy in a marriage, when porn addiction takes over) But I agree that a betrayal may be a better word for it. And by betrayal, I mean that one of the spouses is in the dark about the porn viewing and it's done in secret. The marriage is adversely being affected, etc That would be a betrayal.

But betrayals do come in many forms. If my husband were more into porn than me, I wouldn't want to be with him. It would be a waste of my energy, in my opinion, but everyone has to decide what they will tolerate in their marriages. I don't really want to just tolerate my marriage, I want both my husband and I to be happy together, truly enjoying the moments together. I think people settle far too often in marriages, and while there will be ups and downs, accepting betraying behaviors is something to not settle on.
 

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To some, porn is a means to an end. Men are into physical more than emotion, correct. Porn has its place, but it shouldnt be to escape the wifes need with the man too.
One could look at Facebook and say its cheating because so many woman have men friends they message with on facebook. Thats pure emotion, as people are talking to you and interacting without your spouse.. Its a gateway to EAs..
 

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Diana you realize that every straight guy has lusted over someones precious daughter right? It's only weird if you choose to put it in a context like you are forcing here.
There are still some men who are well aware that all women are someone's daughter/wife/granddaughter/sister and do what they can not to see them in that way. It takes self control and a decision not to do it.
As my husband once put it, they are not mine to look at. Its about self control and putting all your sexual energies into your spouse. Bouncing the eyes, not watching porn or films/programmes with sex in them.
 

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To some, porn is a means to an end. Men are into physical more than emotion, correct. Porn has its place, but it shouldnt be to escape the wifes need with the man too.
One could look at Facebook and say its cheating because so many woman have men friends they message with on facebook. Thats pure emotion, as people are talking to you and interacting without your spouse.. Its a gateway to EAs..
To be fair Bubblehead, I do think that many men try and deflect how damaging porn is by claiming that this or that is also cheating. Facebook isnt cheating in anyway, unless you go there to cheat. Hobbies the same. Porn is lusting after other women or men than your spouse. Seeing them naked, seeing them do all sorts of sexual acts. Bringing others into the intimacy that should be just for the two of you. Filling you mind with images of men/women who you aren't married to. Thinking of those images when you have sex with your spouse.
 

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To be fair Bubblehead, I do think that many men try and deflect how damaging porn is by claiming that this or that is also cheating. Facebook isnt cheating in anyway, unless you go there to cheat. Hobbies the same. Porn is lusting after other women or men than your spouse. Seeing them naked, seeing them do all sorts of sexual acts. Bringing others into the intimacy that should be just for the two of you. Filling you mind with images of men/women who you aren't married to. Thinking of those images when you have sex with your spouse.
I understand. Facebook is a way to meet people to and do EAs.. I have another place where people try to reach out and "connect", Linkedn. Very surprising..
My point with Facebook, is people reach out, and try to befriend you and try to get to know you. Many have, and many hide it.. Paradox of choices the internet is.
 

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I understand. Facebook is a way to meet people to and do EAs.. I have another place where people try to reach out and "connect", Linkedn. Very surprising..
My point with Facebook, is people reach out, and try to befriend you and try to get to know you. Many have, and many hide it.. Paradox of choices the internet is.
Yes facebook can be used for this, probably why I only have close friends and family on mine. I will never understand why some have many hundreds of so called 'friends' on it when they haven't even met many of them. :surprise:
 

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Yes facebook can be used for this, probably why I only have close friends and family on mine. I will never understand why some have many hundreds of so called 'friends' on it when they haven't even met many of them. :surprise:
I got rid of facebook quite some time ago. Too many predators, too much drama, too many people acting as if their life was perfect too, and low self esteem peeps on there.
Some people need facebook for business too, and such, I get that. But, we digress..
 

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I got rid of facebook quite some time ago. Too many predators, too much drama, too many people acting as if their life was perfect too, and low self esteem peeps on there.
Some people need facebook for business too, and such, I get that. But, we digress..
Yes that's why I am very selective who I have on there. My husband has never had a facebook account and really isn't into this social media stuff.
 

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My ex was a sex addict/ hard core (possibly illegal) porn addict.

His sex addiction counselor finally sat me down and said "you need to leave him... Not tomorrow, today!" My guess is that my exH confessed to something pretty bad. So after 14 years of a loveless marriage (because he wasn't into healthy intimacy with me) I finally let him go.

Months later I realized that I'd been living for years with the hope that he'd change but he never did. And his addiction destroyed our marriage. And I now can't imagine how I endured that pain for so so long. I guess it's because I wanted my family to stay together.

Not everyone likes porn. I actually don't, it's not my thing either. Don't feel that you have to tolerate it because you don't.
You have to decide what you can and can't live with and what you truly want from a partner. Being free from an unhappy marriage isn't the worst thing that can happen. Being totally unfulfilled and alone while married is worse IMO.

I'm sorry you're hurting. I've been there and it was painful. Sending hugs to you.
 

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BTW as with any addiction I'll throw in some al Anon advice. You can't cure it. You can't control it. You didn't cause it.

You are powerless to make anyone quit anything. It's got to be something he truly feels he needs to do for himself and for your relationship. Begging, pleading, compromising your own values, offering better more "exciting" sex doesn't work. Ever. 😞
 
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