I need some feedback on something that has been bothering for some time.
My husband has had a female friend for the past four years. They became friends a year before him and I met. This friend of his had feeling for him shortly after they met and she expressed those to him. He told her that he didn't feel the same way towards her. She said she respected that and they are still friends today, close friends. She lives states away from us. But they are in contact all of the time as far as I know. It is still obvious that she has feelings for him.
He doesn't talk to her at the house. If he does talk to her at home (it's rare) he goes to another room and talks low. They usually talk for hours. They text all the time. And they will email.
My husband will tell this friend that he loves her. He told me at the beginning that he says it because she started to say it.
Now, I've done something I shouldn't have done. I looked at his email a couple times to see if there is anything that I am overreacting about. I did find a couple emails from her that are (to me) inappropriate. They buy each other birthday presents. And when we want to do a vacation-type weekend and involve friends (like her), he will pay for things for her - i.e. - dropped $400 for a round trip plane ticket; $200 in gas money.
Shortly after him and I were dating his Mom had gotten really sick. His friend offered to fly here and help him with his Mom, cleaning, taking care of her, her pets and anything else because he didn't have to be alone in this.
She also said in an email (after a group of friends', including her went on a trip together) that things didn't feel right when they left each other ... because she didn't say that she loved him to him (i was not on this trip). The email also said that 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' even in friendships; it's stronger.
Now, as for my husband, every chance he gets when we're out with family or friends, he is talking about this friend and how great she is. He always brings her up.
I know this is a lot of stuff to just spew out on a forum. There is a lot on my mind and I tried to sum things up without typing forever.
My question is, should I have a sit down with my husband about his relationship with this girl or should I just find a way to deal my feelings on my own and get over it.
I know that my husband chose me. He knew her and how she felt before he ever knew me. But I can't help but think that he is unintentionally being sneaky with this friend.
When they are around each other and we are ready to head home. He gives her a hug that lasts way too long and is way too huggy. We don't normally see this person but once or twice a year.
He is a great guy and he loves all his friends dearly. He would give anyone the shirt off of his back if they needed it. I just feel that mostly he is someone inadvertently having an emotional affair with this girl. I don't want her to think that there is actually something more there than there is.
My husband has had a female friend for the past four years. They became friends a year before him and I met. This friend of his had feeling for him shortly after they met and she expressed those to him. He told her that he didn't feel the same way towards her. She said she respected that and they are still friends today, close friends. She lives states away from us. But they are in contact all of the time as far as I know. It is still obvious that she has feelings for him.
He doesn't talk to her at the house. If he does talk to her at home (it's rare) he goes to another room and talks low. They usually talk for hours. They text all the time. And they will email.
My husband will tell this friend that he loves her. He told me at the beginning that he says it because she started to say it.
Now, I've done something I shouldn't have done. I looked at his email a couple times to see if there is anything that I am overreacting about. I did find a couple emails from her that are (to me) inappropriate. They buy each other birthday presents. And when we want to do a vacation-type weekend and involve friends (like her), he will pay for things for her - i.e. - dropped $400 for a round trip plane ticket; $200 in gas money.
Shortly after him and I were dating his Mom had gotten really sick. His friend offered to fly here and help him with his Mom, cleaning, taking care of her, her pets and anything else because he didn't have to be alone in this.
She also said in an email (after a group of friends', including her went on a trip together) that things didn't feel right when they left each other ... because she didn't say that she loved him to him (i was not on this trip). The email also said that 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' even in friendships; it's stronger.
Now, as for my husband, every chance he gets when we're out with family or friends, he is talking about this friend and how great she is. He always brings her up.
I know this is a lot of stuff to just spew out on a forum. There is a lot on my mind and I tried to sum things up without typing forever.
My question is, should I have a sit down with my husband about his relationship with this girl or should I just find a way to deal my feelings on my own and get over it.
I know that my husband chose me. He knew her and how she felt before he ever knew me. But I can't help but think that he is unintentionally being sneaky with this friend.
When they are around each other and we are ready to head home. He gives her a hug that lasts way too long and is way too huggy. We don't normally see this person but once or twice a year.
He is a great guy and he loves all his friends dearly. He would give anyone the shirt off of his back if they needed it. I just feel that mostly he is someone inadvertently having an emotional affair with this girl. I don't want her to think that there is actually something more there than there is.