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My husband and I have been together for 11 years and just had our 7 yr anniversary on August 11. He has 2 girls from a prior marriage that are now 22 (getting married in October) and 24 (has a 3 yr old) and he also has his mom and granny that live together in granny's home. I on the hand have no children, my father passed when I was 16, my mother is not around but I do have half sisters and a brother from my dad's 2nd marriage and 1 aunt, that is my family. Over the past 11 years we have spend every single holdiay, birthday, anniversary, christmas, you name it, with my husbands mom, granny and kids. We went one time for 4th of July to my aunts home for a barbacue and it caused so much drama for him with his family that we have never done anything else with my family. Actually my family is hardly ever mentioned at all because he don't want his to feel bad or get jealous and he don't want to hear them complain. I am very easy going and can take alot but I am getting bothered with it after 11 years.

To share a bit of history....when we got together he had weekend visitation with his kids and as they grew older in thier teens they wanted to live with us and not thier mom and stepdad. I think it was due to me as a step-mom being a friend to them instead of another parent and they would talk to me about things they coudn't talk to thier mom or dad about. Things were fine, they graduated, moved on but eventually found themselves back living with mom. That is a whole different post:)

When we first met, my husband would hide things like us going to dinner from his mom and granny because when he did tell them they would make remarks like "well it must be nice to have some money to go out to eat." Well since we both work and pay our own bills I didn't see the problem. Anyway, his mom had a good job and one day just decided to quit because she didn't want to work anymore. That caused a big strain of course on her and granny so everytime they were low on money who do you think they came too? We would give them money on a monthly basis to where it made us broke. This caused alot of problems for our marriage as my husband felt it was his job to take care of them too even with his mom just quitting her job. After a few years of this it finally sunk in that this needed to change:scratchhead:

His mom and granny (lets call them MG) live in G's home that is small with about 5 acres of land and some of the home is self build by his late grandfather. G was hard working and it makes me feel bad that M would live off her. They don't go anywhere and sleep most of the time or M stays on the computer all the time. We helped get them a reverse mortgage and they recieved $120,000 cash out. They are both on SS as well. G is over 65 and M is not but draws on her late husbands SS. They lived off $1500 a mo and that should have been enought to cover bills since the home is paid for and taxes on it were $200 yr. and no other bills. The electric,phone, cable is paid thru some community program. So, when it came time for the $120,000 cash out set up, the mortgage co offered to set up montly payments or take all cash out at once. My husband made the mistake of the cash out option for them and M went thru the $120,000 in less than 2 years and now....calling again with money needs:( Now we are back to the beginning again with no more options other than to have his mom go work right?:scratchhead:Duh...makes sense to me if your out of money. I have been supporting myself and was forced to live on my own at age 16 and now am very successful so for someone just to not work and then complain of no money don't make sense to me.

To move on:p All the stress with M&G we decided to move to a new state to get a break from all the drama. There's more, but I'm trying to not write a book:D:D We moved, it's been a year, and we've had his kids visit but M&G couldn't make the drive. Well, my family (yeah) wanted to come visit for the weekend since this is where my dad would bring all of us when he was alive and my sister wanted her kids to see it. So, we planned the weekend, which was last weekend by the way, and they drove up and we had a great time. Finally I got to see my family for the first time in over 6 years. Well, we posted all the picturs on facebook and you would have thought we had commited a felony offense. Not only did his M&G (who are also on facebook) get so completley upset and angry, so did his kids:scratchhead: Why would anyone care if my family visits whom I have not seen in years. My family actually quit asking me to come for holidays because they knew how his family was.

What a can of worms this all opened. With M&G and his Kids now upset, this started all kinds of bad things being said about me between his kids and M&G. First it was "I'm trying to keep him from coming to his daughters wedding", then "he has to hid to call M&G because I am jealous", then, "I'm using up all the money so there will be none left to give to his family", and so on. It's awful. I have never done anything cross to anyone in his family at all and have taken on so much drama its unbelievable. My friends don't know how I manage to stay sane:scratchhead:

All of this is now bothering me because there is no reason to talk bad about me just because my family came to visit. I mean every time is daugher and her new huband go to visit his family am I supposed to have a fit? It don't make sense. I cannot keep ignoring the issue as I do want to see my family. My husband wants me to close my facebook and not post anymore pictures so he don't have to hear about it. I find that crazy that I have show respect to his family but let mine suffer for it. He don't agree with the way they act but yet he don't want to confront them either. I also get very upset and hurt when his M&G and kids can say all those hurtful things about me and he wants me to just ignore it but if I say one negative thing about the issue he gets very angry at me.:confused:

Has anyone else had similar situations like this with inlaws being jealous of other inlaws? And how do you manage to stay sane thru it all? I feel like my husband is not standing up for me when he lets his M&G and kids talk horrible about me to him and everyone else, but I cannot say a word negative about the situation because then "I'm trying to start a problem." 11 years of my mouth shut is gonna make my head explode. My patience has finally wore thin.

Any advice:confused:
 

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Yes. He needs to man up on this. That would be a cold day in hell if MY kids decided to talk smack about thier stepmom. I also used to give m parents money. After the second time bailing them out of debt and them getting back into it, I just told them they were on thier own.

As per your husbands family....he needs to man up on this too. If they want to persist in the childish temper tantrums after a talk, then my last talk with them would be....you know my number. Please call me when you want to be more mature about this. I've written off friends and family for similar issues. Some eventually come around. Some do not.
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Yeah, your husband needs to man up on this. It's his family and he needs to deal with it.

I've have a similar situation with my daughter's MIL. The woman is jealous of the fact I get to keep our granddaughter wile my daughter and son in law are at work. My daughter tries to be fair, even gives up her own time on weekends so granddaughter can spend time with the other grandmother. Then the other grandmother gets wishy washy about it and waits until the last minute to give the okay to bring the granddaughter over and then cut back her visits with her because in her works 'she is so active it just wears me out'. (yeah? try keeping her 9 hours a day, five days a week like I do!!). I think her issue is more about not wanting the granddaughter so much as not wanting ME to have so much time with the granddaughter. The woman even tried to manipulate her son to have me not invited to granddaughter's birthday party one year. The woman drives my daughter nuts with her passive aggressive manipulation, lots of people have crazy inlaws - but I think yours have a lot of others beat.

It is inexcusable that you went 6 years without seeing your own family just to keep peace with your husband's family. My first thought was to blame your husband for that. But the truth is you made the choice that keeping peace with his family was more important than seeing yours. I suggest you correct that situation and start seeing your family on a regular basis. Life is to short to be away from the people you love.

What I do blame your husband for is allowing his family to talk about you like they do. He is wrong for expecting you to always bend for his family. Of course you shouldn't have to delete your facebook page and hide the fact you spent time with your family. His family needs to grow up and accept it. And he needs to tell them that 'the money' is your money and his money and what the two of you do with it is your business. He needs to tell them that if he gives them money that it is a gift from both of you and not something they are entitled to.
 

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I don't allow ANYONE to talk bad about my family or even my folks to badmouth my man, when they're not pleased with something. Even if they're not starting a scandal, I don't accept anything negative. It's my life and my family. If I love a guy, then it's my problem and I expect my family to support me and respect my decision, while I don't allow him and his family to say anything bad about my folks. Some RESPECT, for crying out loud.

He needs to really take matters into hands and stop being scared. He shouldn't accept this, nor should you accept anyone to get their boots into your life like this.
 

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Thank you all for your response:) Here is an update....My husband called is mom and granny (M&G) yesterday and his daughter. This started with his M and daughter over my family coming to visit. He told them he did not appreciate the disrespect and talking negative about me and all the negative attitudes about my family and if he hears anything else from either of them that he will not be talking to them at all. Of course they both denied it and blamed the other for everything that was said but he did tell them it has to stop. He also reminded his M and daughter of all the things I have done or helped do in the past such as give money, buy cars, plan special occasions for them both, pay for wedding,spend every holdiay away from my own family, and just be there whenever needed and they should be thankful I have been that kind of person to be so thoughful instead of being a horrible daughter-in-law or step-mom. He told M that she is on her own when it comes to the money and if she needs money she will have to find other alternatives such as get a job because our bank is no longer open to anyone but us. Of course this struck a nerve but he went on to tell M that we have spent 11 years of our life together going without just to continually give to her and he thinks the past 8 years was plenty of time to get a job and also he reminded her of the $120,000 from the reverse mortgage money that she should have not spent so quickly. He did not say these things in a mean way but more of a stern way.

It made me feel much better than he took up for me:) He told me that he wanted to wait until after his daughters wedding in October before he said anything because it didn't want it to be uncomfortable. I can understand that but at the same time I would have still been uncomfortable because I would not want to be acting as if nothing happened when all of this did. See his M and daughter started telling on each other when he brought all this up yesterday and now at least I know they both were really involved in starting these horrible negative rumors and now at least they both know that I know they did it. I'm still in shock and acutally very hurt that of all people his daughter would have anything to do with talking about me when we had such a good relationship or so I thought. It's amazing what jealousy can do to a person.
 
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