My issue is…how do I get over the betrayal of him having messaging, making plans to meet this person for sex, all the lying, he knew the hurt and pain that it would cause me. How do I trust a word he says again.

What is your husband doing to show remorse for his actions and help you heal? Is he in therapy? Does he acknowledge how he's hurt you and damaged the marriage (vs showing self-pity for himself for being caught)? What actions is he taking to rebuild trust?

It's up to him to do the work on himself that made him willing to break his marriage vows. I don't believe this is a normal reaction to leukemia let alone to a non-life-threatening case of leukemia (if I understand your posts correctly).

 

I always told him I would be there for him with his health issues but I never expected the timing for this.

And he said "forsaking all others."

I am curious about something, not a rhetorical question or a suggestion toward an action, just: it seems you are set on keeping your marriage vow to the man who repeatedly, intentionally broke his marriage vow and wants you to 'rug sweep' the problem. Am I understanding this correctly, and could you help me understand your train of thought? I don't want to assume. And you don't have to answer.



Also:

he needs me right now too..…need and want me are two different things!

Are you living somewhere that no relatives or friends can pitch in? I was thinking you had daughters. And his money can pay for trained, licensed hired help, right?

 

And he said "forsaking all others."

I am curious about something, not a rhetorical question or a suggestion toward an action, just: it seems you are set on keeping your marriage vow to the man who repeatedly, intentionally broke his marriage vow and wants you to 'rug sweep' the problem. Am I understanding this correctly, and could you help me understand your train of thought? I don't want to assume. And you don't have to answer.



Also:


Are you living somewhere that no relatives or friends can pitch in? I was thinking you had daughters. And his money can pay for trained, licensed hired help, right?

let me explain my past it might help a little. My dad committed suicide when I was 5, my mom remarried when I was 7. My stepdad molested me from age 7-18, was threatened not to tell anyone even my mom. She swears she didn't know, she had too though! I got married and he got into drugs and started abusing me and our daughter, I left him. 5 years later I remarried and had 2 kids with him and he was a over the road truck driver who cheated the whole time and every time I found out he also abused me. I was a single mom of 3 , ages 10, 5 and a newborn. 2 years later I met Mike. I don’t know what it was about him but it was an instant connection for me. I took things slow. We dated 2 year, we had a great relationship, so much love, he fell in love with my kids and treated them as his own. I have a a picture in the house that says “I still remember the days I prayed for what I have now” always wanted to have that kind of love everyone felt. We have been married for 24 years this Oct, and we always had such a strong loving bond, respect, trust, we did everything together up until he did this to me. This is so out of his character, but it’s something I can not move past and something that in on my mind everyday. I wish I could forget and forgive because my love for him was so strong, but unfortunately he can’t be in love with me anymore that he could do this! Last night he called me from the hospital and I told him I was having a rough time, he said I didn’t mean to hurt you, that is a statement he makes all the time. The whole time he talked to her he told he knew how hurt I would be. So after him saying that a million times to me even last night I can’t and will not stay. I did go to the lawyers and Monday I will let him know to start the process. I’m broken, but staying would be more trauma for me in the long run.

 

Oh, Melanie, you have gone through a great deal! I am so very, very sorry for all the evil done to you. You have had to be strong, and you have overcome so much.

Each time I read your posts, it triggered my anger. I cannot imagine the amount of anger you actually have had triggered. I am so terribly sorry for what you have experienced.

 

Last night I kept thinking about your situation. I wondered if I was pushing you toward what I thought was best in my limited-information view.

So I want to do this: There was a thread from a couple years ago where TAM members gave what I thought were really good suggestions. Perhaps you might find helpful some of those pieces of advice. https://www.talkaboutmarriage.com/t...age.com/threads/my-husband-of-20-years-had-an-affair-after-a-“bad-year”.454030/

 

Last night I kept thinking about your situation. I wondered if I was pushing you toward what I thought was best in my limited-information view.

So I want to do this: There was a thread from a couple years ago where TAM members gave what I thought were really good suggestions. Perhaps you might find helpful some of those pieces of advice. https://www.talkaboutmarriage.com/threads/my-husband-of-20-years-had-an-affair-after-a-“bad-year”.454030/

I wanted to let you know her post hit hard, so similar. I sent her a message, I was hoping to speak with her. Haven’t heard back, but it was an older post. I hope she is happy with whatever she decided to do. Thank you for sharing that with me. It helped a lot and reading all the responses were great.
He just got home from rehab from breaking his hip. I’ve been there for him 24/7 through this recovery and I did finally come to my conclusion what needs to happen for myself. I truly love this man with all my heart but I have no respect for him for what he did and I can’t forget what he did, he will not talk to me about it. I can not live like this anymore, my health is affected by what he did and what he isn’t doing now, I have epilepsy and the stress is causing my seizures and panic attacks and I deserve better. I am moving on in life without him. It’s hard, it breaks my heart, but I can not continue living like this anymore. We have our house up for sale and my next chapter in life will start without him somehow but I need to do it for my sanity.

 

I’m very sorry. I know what it’s like to leave someone you love because they cheated. I don’t think I did anything harder than that in my (long) life. I still love him and always will but I moved on and I am much happier now. I believe you will be too. Best wishes.

 

@Melanie63
I really am so sorry that you are going through all of this. I am glad you have found your direction, and I wish you only good things.