[Swirl]

My husband of over 20 yrs won't stop trying to talk me into a threesome (mmf or ffm, he doesn’t care), he has been doing this for years. I have told him I have no desire to do this and don't want to discuss it anymore but he keeps pushing the issue. We haven't had what I would call the greatest marriage. He has problems with alcohol but won’t admit it. He might even be bipolar, but he refuses to believe he has any problems and won’t go to get diagnosed.

I have told him that talking about a threesome over, and over, and over, (you get the idea) makes me feel as though I am not enough, which is why I have asked him to stop asking. He still keeps asking! At this point I am feeling as though he is trying to manipulate me and is disrespectful of my feelings. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

 

[Hope1964]

Is this a dealbreaker for you? It sure would be for me. I'd be finding a husband who didn't drink and didn't want to have an open marriage.

Do you want to stay with him, assuming he won't change?

 

[jaharthur]

Have you said to him: "What part of NO can't you understand?"

 

[nandosbella]

Does he talk about it all the time or just in bed? Mine talks about it in bed as dirty talk, but when i mention it out of bed he says its just dirty talk. After that clarification i just go with it.... But when it gets to be too much i definitely snap. I don't have any advice for you... Just letting you know you're not alone. Good luck, hun
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[donny64]

My husband of over 20 yrs won't stop trying to talk me into a threesome (mmf or ffm, he doesn’t care), he has been doing this for years. I have told him I have no desire to do this and don't want to discuss it anymore but he keeps pushing the issue. We haven't had what I would call the greatest marriage. He has problems with alcohol but won’t admit it. He might even be bipolar, but he refuses to believe he has any problems and won’t go to get diagnosed.

I have told him that talking about a threesome over, and over, and over, (you get the idea) makes me feel as though I am not enough, which is why I have asked him to stop asking. He still keeps asking! At this point I am feeling as though he is trying to manipulate me and is disrespectful of my feelings. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

I would explain to him it's ok for him to have it as a fantsasy, but for you it ends there. It is time for him to STFU about it, or you will leave. You're not interested in it, and conversation is over. Should the day come when you change your mind, you'll let him know. Until then he needs to get the possibility of it out of his head.

It is hard enough for people in close, strong relationships to have a threesome when BOTH want it, let alone when just one is pushing for it against the other spouses will. THAT is not a strong "marriage action" and will most certainly bring about resentment, pain, and disaster were it to happen.

My W is interested in a wmw threesome, as am I. But I won't be looking for it or badgering her about it, and she won't do the same. It seems for us to be about a 60% fantasy / 40% actual desire thing. If the opportunity arises, we've already set ground rules, and maybe we'll let it happen. If it doesn't happen, so be it, we're doing just fine without it!
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[anotherguy]

I would explain to him it's ok for him to have it as a fantsasy, but for you it ends there. It is time for him to STFU about it, or you will leave. You're not interested in it, and conversation is over.

I like this part. Clear. Direct. No muss, no fuss.

For us - there is no room in a marriage for a third party. None.

20 years and he is acting like that? Has he always been a demanding, selfish, controlling d1ck? I'm with Hope on this one. If my wife started *demanding* a threesome and wouldnt quit, I would clearly think she had lost her mind and would be wondering if the marriage should be over.

 

[LookingForTheSun]

If you don't mind it as just a fantasy, you can talk about it during intimacy. If it grosses you out - DON'T DO THAT EVEN. Still - tell him that you are not going to go there no matter how much he begs, so stop it already because it is annoying you and you are beginnig to question his love and respect for you. He can either enjoy the sex that you are willing to give or you are going to keep that to yourself and move on.

 

[C123]

If you relent, it will be the biggest mistake of your life. It's been discussed and torn apart on this forum many times and it never ends well.

Frankly, this guy sounds like a terrible person. What kind of man continues to bring this up after his partner has been crystal clear??? I'd be very careful going forward with him. Be aware of who he's with.

 

[sharkeey]

It's every man's fantasy. I've been pressuring my girlfriend the same way. She's been with a chick before, so why not have fun all the way around?

I keep reminding her my birthday's coming up.

I just want to experience it one time, and that definitely includes them both blowing me and sharing my load.

I don't think it's all that much to ask.

 

[wiigirl]

Have you said to him: "What part of NO can't you understand?"

:iagree:

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[*LittleDeer*]

It's every man's fantasy. I've been pressuring my girlfriend the same way. She's been with a chick before, so why not have fun all the way around?

I keep reminding her my birthday's coming up.

I just want to experience it one time, and that definitely includes them both blowing me and sharing my load.

I don't think it's all that much to ask.

No not to much to ask at all. As long as it's fine for her to have a threesome with you or perhaps even a foursome with you and two other well hung men.

When men say this they are simply selfishly asking for permission to cheat. Not only does it pose a huge risk to your relationship, but it' so disrespectful and shows that he clearly does not value or respect you and sees women as purely for his sexual gratification. I love to be sexually gratified too, but not at the expense of my relationship.

 

[anotherguy]

I don't think it's all that much to ask.

laugh.. really?

I would guess you are in the vast minority if you really believe it is 'not that much' to ask.

The consequences of having a fantasy and exacuting it in reality are somewhat different - and the inability to shutup ( <= especially this) about a fixation involving extramarital sex against your spouses expressed wishes is (I would argue) a clear indicator of damaged goods.

 

[Hope1964]

When men say this they are simply selfishly asking for permission to cheat.

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

Exactly.

 

[anchorwatch]

It's every man's fantasy.

Speak for yourself. I find it disgusting.

OP let him know every time he ask you to do this, you lose more respect for him as a partner .

 

[sharkeey]

Speak for yourself. I find it disgusting.

Please allow me to rephrase.

It's a common fantasy for men to have.

When men say this they are simply selfishly asking for permission to cheat.

It has nothing whatsoever to do with cheating, which by definition is a deceptive practice.

 

[donny64]

No not to much to ask at all. As long as it's fine for her to have a threesome with you or perhaps even a foursome with you and two other well hung men.

When men say this they are simply selfishly asking for permission to cheat. Not only does it pose a huge risk to your relationship, but it' so disrespectful and shows that he clearly does not value or respect you and sees women as purely for his sexual gratification. I love to be sexually gratified too, but not at the expense of my relationship.

Littledeer,

Not all of us guys interested in threesomes are like that ("when men say this they're asking for permission to cheat"). Though she seems to want to see me with another woman, one of my "ground rules" we set should it happen is that I would not want to have intercourse with the other woman. My part of the fantasy and desire is to both see her with a woman, and for that woman and I to please her together. Now, when this almost happened last time, this chick was a knockout. Would I have liked to "hit that"? Any man in his right mind would have. She was hot as hell. But I won't do it because I fear how my W would feel later (even thou she said shed like to see it). I won't risk it, that she'd later have problems with it. Not all of us see it as a way to trick our S/O into letting us get some "strange". It is an equal fantasy of ours. But I won't let it get to that level where she could later have pain and hurt over the visions or flashbacks of me actually screwing another woman. This is where I make my stand for the sake of our marriage. The rest I'm sure with a great amount of certainty we could deal with just fine. But me having intercourse with another woman? Not so sure, so my answer to that is "no".
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[Ikaika]

So lets take the mff threesome, he is overly filled with his own delusion. So he assumes he can satisfy both of you... oh god, really?. Real scenario, less than 10 minutes into it, he blows his wad and then what? You and the OW do what (likely neither of you have even reached on orgasm), if neither of you are willing to swing both ways... two frustrated women while he gets his jollies. Selfish b*stard.

The mmf... so lets assume that this OM is well hung and can last much longer than him. What happens after he blows his wad. He gets to sit back and watch some guy with large instrument screw his wife (uncomfortable for you)... hmmm that is a head issue for sure.

You need to paint a realistic scenario for your husband and let him know that this WILL NOT HAPPEN. Buy a blow up sex doll and bring it to bed with you and essentially say this is our compromise. End of story.

..... Anyway long story short, porn movies use a huge and I mean huge amount of editing. Threesome pfftt, he is deluded.

And finally, I agree he is trying to find a way to let you know he may cheat on you. After you burst his bubble, watch him like a hawk.

 

[mrstj4sho88]

My husband of over 20 yrs won't stop trying to talk me into a threesome (mmf or ffm, he doesn’t care), he has been doing this for years. I have told him I have no desire to do this and don't want to discuss it anymore but he keeps pushing the issue. We haven't had what I would call the greatest marriage. He has problems with alcohol but won’t admit it. He might even be bipolar, but he refuses to believe he has any problems and won’t go to get diagnosed.

I have told him that talking about a threesome over, and over, and over, (you get the idea) makes me feel as though I am not enough, which is why I have asked him to stop asking. He still keeps asking! At this point I am feeling as though he is trying to manipulate me and is disrespectful of my feelings. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Maybe this might make him hush up. Just tell him you will find a man soon . So you,him and the other man can make that threesome happen. I bet he STFU then quickly. :rofl:

 

[*LittleDeer*]

Please allow me to rephrase.

It's a common fantasy for men to have.



It has nothing whatsoever to do with cheating, which by definition is a deceptive practice.

That might be your definition and most people who ask for open relationships use that same (flawed) logic. But cheating is still cheating even if everyone knows about it.
Most people promise to be faithful then some try and change the rules.
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[Hope1964]

Most people promise to be faithful then some try and change the rules.
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Or just break the rules.