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Flamingo, how long have you been with him? Sounds like the age difference is less than 10 yrs, this helps some... but as you age, your sex drive is liable to get even HIGHER....

Men start slowing down as they age..loosing a little testosterone (their LUST hormone) with every passing year... , between this, his Higher blood pressure, if he has any hidden resentment going on, and it sure sounds like his Love languages are NOT "TOUCH"... these are some factors...

Maybe he is primarily an "ACTS of SERVICE" man & the unkempt house & lack of cooking ...has caused some resentment - while his not giving you the touchy feely affection ...is causing you to feel less loved/ desired........ you guys are missing each other badly.



flamingo said: I've read books, tried silly tricks, worn ****ty clothes, seductive clothes, the school girl look, been subtle, been aggressive, been coy. I've discussed calmly, argued, cried, prayed, argued again, cried again, and discussed calmly. Bought toys, accessories, and stimulants, gotten him drunk, offered to watch porn with him, given BJs and HJs and even offered to back it up to see if that perked his ears.

Nothing doing. For over a year the most action I can get out of him is manual stimulation, usually after a BJ, and it's not all that good, to be honest. Even with coaching and showing him, it's rushed and not sexy, tender & seems like he isn't enjoying it.
Sounds like you have tried an awful lot sexually to get him going....wake up his drive... I don't think I'd be giving him a BJ before you got yours.. .not with this guy !!!

Good men love to please their women 1st. He sounds very selfish in bed... How often do you get sex ~ Is he
to porn , how often does he need a release?

The bossiness is a real kill joy....it just beats them down... they want to get away, so they can have peace... changing the attitude here will help, learn to be more of an encourager to him- in the little things you do appreciate ... and start focusing your energy on that cooking & cleaning -this will likely pick up his mood as well... and hopefully it will inspire a change in him.

Before I had an explosion in my sex drive....I haphazardly packed my husbands lunch... threw anything in there -just so he had something to eat, I was kinda lazy , didn't always get up & cook his breakfast either, let him fend for himself in the am... took him for granted in some ways......

Then when I realized ...darn what have we been missing all these yrs, I suddendly wanted it all the time.....and I was determined to get it too.....I changed.... I went out of my way to please him... I get up every morning, I pack his lunch with care- he eats healthier... I make sure the house is clean (always did that )...anything/everything to make him happy... then he has more time for us too.. and all that whoopie.

But he was always the touchy feely type to begin with. But really....anything to give a positive attitude in his presence and to fulfill his love languages... would be a great 1st ....

Working out a sound budget sounds it is needed too.
 
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