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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband lies to me all the time about stuff that concerns both of us. He will lie about paychecks, money he owes, credit cards he has, and sometimes even what he's doing. He claims he doesn't tell me the truth because I nag him. Well, I nag him because he lies and I know when he lies. I don't believe anything that he tells me. Last night I found out from his mom that he owes her $1700!! We are just starting out and have been married for 4 months and I am slowly uncovering his lies. I found out that he pawned my grandmothers charm bracelet that was priceless to me...should I keep doing this? I feel so lost and hurt. He would rather lie to me than have me know the truth and help him..Part of me wants to just give up.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
We don't have any kids...and although I just found out about the pawning the paperwork I found for it was dated over a year ago..

How do you leave someone that you've been with for 3 years and have built a life around? How do I tell my parents? My friends? That I married someone who was wrong for me..
 

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I would seek out some financial counsel. Perhaps he feels ashamed of his current situation and doesn't want you to view him as a failure. He could also have a gambling problem.
 

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first do what YOU feel is right. if you can live with the constant lies. if you are thinking about leaving then yeah sit down and have a talk with your family and friends and say why you are thinking about leaving. trust is the most important thing in a marriage and you dont have that. if he is lying about little things he will not have a pproblem about lying about big things

again this is just my opinion DO WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT. i dont lie to my wife and she doesnt lie to me..my XW lied to me all the time thats why she is an XW
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I know he doesn't have a gambling issue..however the ashamed comment could be true.
I make more money than he does and I am pursuing higher education (MBA), he didn't even graduate from high school. That never bothered me. I don't care how much money he makes, I've been encouraging him to quit his awful job and go back to school full time. He says he really wants to go back to school but doesn't make the effort to apply or enroll.
I've always made more money...we were together for 3 years before we got married..
 

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Your family doesn't need to know. The more people involved the more embarrassment it will cause. Ask him what his financial goals are and help him make a plan.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I should...and I will...but not today. I am exhausted by this relationship. Last night was when I found out a lot of the debt he has and I need a few days alone. I feel betrayed. My heart is broken by the lies. It's not even about the money, I could care less. It's about the lies..
 

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But to him it could be about the money. If he feels you are on the same page as him, he may not feel the need to lie.
 

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Money breaks up couples if things r not clear btw two, maybe he is bad @ keeping his accounts, get a notebook and keep daily tracking of both your expenditures, sit down and have a talk. bdw who is the bread winner, is it 50/50?
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I make the most money, I keep track of the spending and bill paying because he is awful at saving, spending and keeping track. He admitted that he is awful at it. And I suggested a way to help him budget and have accountability for his spending. We tried it and he said he felt like a kid that had allowance and we stopped...and haven't come up with a good alternative since.
 

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Well then you need to dominate his expenses, becuz that's what ur good at and if he feels like a kid he can make that up in bed to make him feel like a man. Take control of finances, I have seen teh best relationships in marriage work out for businessmen when a wife (who knows accounts and is not on a spending spree ofcourse) controls a household really well, do that by having a chat and getting him a prepaid debit card and create a seperate saving where u'll decide to put money in monthly and dn't give him the pin.
 

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I lied to you because what I was doing I know would piss you off is ???The obvious.

Oh I lied about stealing your wallet because if I told you the truth I knew you would be pissed at me?

O.K and ...how was "lying" my fault again? I guess you have to say no matter what WRONG you do to me you will have NO ill affect as long as you are truthful is the only way to make a liar honest.???

I lied about cheating on you because I knew what your reaction would be.O.K that makes sense..YOU are a cheater AND a liar..!???

O.K that explains it..
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
You make sense. And I guess things will never change. A liar is a liar. I'm fooling myself thinking that he will change. How do you tell someone that you don't want to do it anymore? That the lies have killed everything. That I can't love a liar anymore...
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You make sense. And I guess things will never change. A liar is a liar. I'm fooling myself thinking that he will change. How do you tell someone that you don't want to do it anymore? That the lies have killed everything. That I can't love a liar anymore...
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Um..You are a liar.Your lies have killed my trust in you .(because you lie)On top of what you do that then you lie about.I can "love you " because you are a human but I don't want to co-mingle intimatley with a lair anymore..I have no "faith in you " to never not do things that you then lie about because you don't want to pay consequences?
 

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I think you have every right in this world to leave a LIAR...if you continue to stay with this man... you are embracing his Lies ...this directly affects every part of your marriage/ your future... it is even a reflection on you.

If you stay, with his refusing to get help/ counseling, moving towards discipline... you then become an "Enabler" ..and nothing will change. ...

Best to put up your Boundaries -saying "This is UNacceptable" to me in marriage...and LEAVE him....so you don't go down with the ship...
 
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