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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi I'm new to forum. I've known my husband now for almost 19 years. We dated in high school, wanted to the same college, dated there & broke up. Then he want to medical school got back together & broke up again. Once medical school was done he decided he wanted to be with me again. We got married in 2005. We have a 3 yr old son, and now I'm a stay at home mom. My husband has been telling me our relationship was off & what he felted we were lacking. I realized it has not been the best since our son was born. So I recognized the issues & tired to make things better, but I guess it was not enough. He still felt like he wanted to be alone, he said he did not love me the same, marriage is not for him. Now ever time we broke up it was on his terms because he needed a break. I walked away and then he came back into my life. Sometimes I felt like a fool for allowing him back. Anyway I did. He is ready to give up our family to be selfish. To do what he want to not have the responsibility of not being married. I guess my question to men & woman is should I fight or should I just give up & let him go????
 

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Not an easy one to answer.

Not enough info other than you seem to think he isn't really able to make a commitment, and when the going gets tough, he seeks solitude. I wonder why he seeks solitude? I wonder what steps he wants you to take so he feels your love for him? I also wonder if you really do take those steps, will that really make a difference?

I think you need to understand the issues better before you can make any sort of impact or any decision.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Not an easy one to answer.

Not enough info other than you seem to think he isn't really able to make a commitment, and when the going gets tough, he seeks solitude. I wonder why he seeks solitude? I wonder what steps he wants you to take so he feels your love for him? I also wonder if you really do take those steps, will that really make a difference?

I think you need to understand the issues better before you can make any sort of impact or any decision.
He said it's not really me it's mainly him. He is willing to let me go to figure out why he has this urge to be alone. He said he has changed & that's all he can explain. He knows he do not want to be married anymore. He knows I love him. He knows I want to be married but that's not what he wants. It does not matter what i say or do his mi d seems to be made up. He said he tried but still comes to this same conclusion. He even said he does not know if it's the right decision but he needs to found out. He said he is miserable. He just want to do what he wants when he wants & have no one or nothing stop him. I was never that type of wife to stop him from doing anything. I only started questioning him because he recently started lying to me for no reason.
I want to try separation but moving out financially makes no sense. So no I have to live with man and I don't even know how??
 

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Yikes, totally feel for you.

I think a separation may help you. You need to decide just how much you can take before he totally breaks you apart. You are young and life is full of ups and downs. Can you really go through this every few years? It also sounds like there might be someone else in his life. A spouse doesn't lie if they have nothing to hide.

Do a separation with in your home as you Make your plan to leave him. Once you walk out that door, he needs to know there is no way to go back. It is irrevocable.

His behavior is something that will not only tear you apart but also your son. If he has another woman, you can't compete with the novelty and intensity of newness she offers. He didn't even give you a chance to work on your relationship, he just backed out when he found a shinier newer toy. He's totally right, it's not you, it's him with the problem. This is not a husband, nor a father. This is a selfish immature man who will bring you nothing but misery.

make your life the kind of life you want to live. If you want a marriage that you can count on, it isn't going to happen with him.
 

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Ok, I'll analyze this the best I can.
Medical school, low end nurse to high end doctor. Either way that means money. He wants to do what he wants to do when he wants to do...blah blah blah. Sit down for this one, he most likely has a girlfriend or is heavily flirting with the idea of getting one. You dont need to get a lawyer, but it would be beneficial if you stopped by a lawyers office and just asked them some questions about seperation...monetarily wise.
Ok, back to your blabbering husband. He wants to do his own thing, when he wants to do it, without anyone stopping him. Get him a man cave, a kick ass superbad man cave. 2 reasons, 1; its HIS area to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, no one to stop him. 2; hes doing whatever he wants in the house, not a motel room.
My advice to you, dont cling or question too much, let him be by himself (if this means in the house, if he needs to be by himself away from you and your son...RED FLAG) put his favorite tv show or movie on, make him good meals, rub his back after work, make inside jokes...and make darn sure that the baby is right there. If he wants a divorce, his vote only counts for 33% of the family. You have to make sure he understands that there is more than just his life involved.
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