You dont have to start thinking about relationships with other people right now, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Stay strong and focused for yourself and kids.I've reread all of your posts and I'm starting to see it. Thank you.
To answer some of your questions, yes, I do work. In fact, I make more than him. Our kids are 8 and 5. So sad. Sex life? Thats the problem. He is a horndog and I am not. I am a plain Jane and he needs spice, apparently. This has always been an issue. I am perfect in every way except when it comes to sex.
We are putting our house (single family) up for sale due to financial issues. We got in over our heads. I know this adds to stress. Looking into a townhome so we can have extra money to actually live and do things. Been living paycheck to paycheck for years. He says he already sees this as exciting as we'll be able to go places and do things. But he's still leaving to "decide". So we will sell and move either together or separately, but either way, we are moving.
I know its bull****. I am looking at homes with the mindset that I will be there without him. I am beginning to have my doubts and need to prepare. Making progress, but still a crying mess. I didn't want this for my kids. I wanted them to have what I had. My parents are 80 and still together. We live in a fairly affluent area. Now I'm a single mom in a townhome, my kids facing divorce.
I ask him repeatedly if this "test" is just prolonging the inevitable. If so, lets just rip the band aid off. This is torture. Says he knows that I may even decide to not take him back. I'm starting to think that. I do deserve better. Although the thought of a relationship with anyone just makes me want to vomit. I am bitter and done.
Thanks for all of your support.