Husband vs Son

Every family situation such as this is different. If your husband was mean to your child, at 9 years old, shame on YOU for staying (at that time) and letting your child endure that. Sounds like your H is a "dirt bag" and is mean.

However, that being said, we are just hearing your side of the story. Men are sometimes taken advantage of. I have a good friend who married a woman with 2 children, at the time they were about 6 & 8 . My friend was a good step-father and good H to his W. When the children grew up and left home at around age 20 , she divorced him. He was left heartbroken and feeling used........ The same thing happened to a family member of mine, but he was taken advantage of even more so. He spent thousands and thousands in court costs to help his wife, to get custody of her children from her Ex H. He was a good step- father and H and also loved the kids as his own. Well when the kids grew up she dumped him. He was left broken and used.

LostandConfused444 said:

When my husband and I met my son lived with my mother. 2 years into our relationship, my son was 9, he came to live with us. My husband never liked him and was glad at 17 when my son moved out. Now my son is 18 and his girlfriend is pregnant. My husband said "I can see what is going to happen, we should just get divorced now" "that kid had f**ked up my life for 8 years and no that he is gone I can see I am still going to be forking out for his mistakes.
I of course will help with my grandchild but my husband feels like he should not have to help. But we are we.
What do I do?

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Wow.

So your son bounces from a two year stay at his grandmother's house into your house when he's a mere 9 years of age.

Then....lucky little boy...he gets to spend 8 years with a step-father who doesn't love or even like him. (And worse than that..with a mother who clearly thought that this was an acceptable environment to keep him in)

Gee...I wonder why this kid "f*cked up" at 17?

What do you do?

hmm...

Frankly, it seems like you should've asked yourself this question years ago

It's interesting, your thread title really says it all: Husband vs Son.

Looks like you picked your husband OVER YOUR son a long, long time ago

Do you think that was the right thing to do?

And if you don't think this was right...(and I hope you don't)...you should work to make this right now...

Ask yourself:

What would A GOOD MOM do in this situation?


And then, grow a backbone, find some courage/character within yourself....and JUST DO IT

I have seen three occasions in my family where as stepfather has to interact with a son.

In two of those it is harmonious, and in the third there was a lot of tension...which came from the son treating the stepfather badly, and spurning the stepfather's efforts. So when there is tension it is not always the stepfather's fault.

Your husband also had to live with the son during the teenage years, which are the hardest. Did he ever try to discipline the son only to be told "You are not my father!" for example.

Not only that, we don't know if your husband made those remarks in anger or if they are really how he feels.

Bottom line is...you can talk to your husband and agree how to handle the son, and come up with something you can both live with.

Or you can divorce. Or you can disown your son. (And I am assuming neither of this is what you want).

I don't think it is unreasonable for the husband to love you but not necessarily feel close to the son. Heck, I used to fight with my in-laws all the time. For the sake of my wife we learned to co-exist, and I certainly sought to do the right thing by them, but there is no way I would feel about them how I felt about my own parents!

But your husband has to compromise for your sake if he wants you to be happy.