[Mommy3girls]

I'm new to the forum world so please bare with me. So back in October I found out my husband had contacted a "massage therapist" off of Craigslist that's offered sensual massages. That day I was a bit busy and wouldn't be home till late that afternoon. He never went through with it because she wasn't available at the time he requested. But he had texted her our address for her to come to our house. I was soo infuriated but forgave him since nothing ended up happening and after that he tried really hard for me to trust him again. Then back in January upon looking through our bank statements I found that he had visited a massage place. Questioned him and he said he had gone because he was having major back pain at that moment. Which was true. I had a gut feeling so I googled this place and it turns out is well known for happy endings which I had no clue about. I seem to be in my own world at times. He promised that it was only a massage that he got but I can't seem to believe him. We moved on from it but I just can't seem to forget about it. Is it possible that he really did just get a massage and I'm over reacting? Based on the passed I'm not sure... :frown2:

 

[GusPolinski]

Does he have a birthday coming up?

How about an anniversary?

Book him a massage.

With a dude.

 

[chillymorn69]

Do you guys have a frequent sex life.or do you reject him frequently?

If he has back pain I would think a happy ending might make it worse.

Could you give him a back rub then a little tug?

Most massage places won't do happy endings unless your a reapeat customer.

Just me thinking outloud here

Alot of people who refuse sex with their partner are suprised when they get it else where.I'm not excusing them for it. just sayin partners should want to have sex and make eachother happy in the bedroom.

 

[She'sStillGotIt]

I was soo infuriated but forgave him since nothing ended up happening and after that he tried really hard for me to trust him again.

We moved on from it but I just can't seem to forget about it.:frown2:

Unfortunately, "we" didn't move on from anything - you just found a way to accept his lies and move on.

Seems kind of odd that you were completely unaware of a supposed 'innocent' back massage for a back problem he had in January. I mean, if it was a medicinal massage he was getting, why wouldn't he tell you? What would he gain by purposely NOT telling you? My husband has had a back problem for years and if he chose to get a massage for it, he'd tell me. It's kind of like going to a doctor for a medical problem, so why all the cloak and dagger secrecy about it from your husband until you found out by digging through bank statements?

I think you know it's because he's a liar and it wasn't medicinal.

Could you give him a back rub then a little tug?

What a perfect solution! REWARD this cheating, lying piece of **** with a massage and a happy ending! Why didn't Mommy3Girls think of that? The OP didn't state ONCE in her initial post that she's 'refused' sex or withheld sex in ANY way, so where did you get the assumption this was a fact?

Good thing you're not paying for this "advice" Mommy3Girls, or you'd deserve your money back PLUS damages.

You've only uncovered the TIP of the iceberg with this guy. If you think you've caught him the only two times he's been at this, that would be terribly naive thinking. For every time you DO catch a cheater, there are usually a lot of times that you didn't. I think if you do some serious digging, you're going to find out A LOT more.

 

[Mommy3girls]

Alot of people who refuse sex with their partner are suprised when they get it else where.I'm not excusing them for it. just sayin partners should want to have sex and make eachother happy in the bedroom.[/QUOTE]

Umm... it's rare that I ever turn him down in bed. It's him that only wants it maybe 2-3 times a month. If it was up to me, we would have sex a lot more often than that.

 

[cc48kel]

My friends spouse admitted to her that he went to a parlor.. Or maybe she found out can't remember. But yes, she was quite upset over this and should leave him because he has done other things as well. She says she can't leave as she loves him... WHY?? IDK.. I just don't understand why men like to go and waste their money when they have it at home.

 

[aine]

My friends spouse admitted to her that he went to a parlor.. Or maybe she found out can't remember. But yes, she was quite upset over this and should leave him because he has done other things as well. She says she can't leave as she loves him... WHY?? IDK.. I just don't understand why men like to go and waste their money when they have it at home.

Because of the thrill and the new experience I guess, what's at home may be boring and repetitive. I am not saying it is right but that is probably what goes through the heads of some guys, AND because they are jerks :grin2:

 

[C3156]

Can't really comment on the massage, I will typically only go with my wife to get a couples massage. They are nice but not something I want to spend money on.

A lot of people who refuse sex with their partner are suprised when they get it else where. I'm not excusing them for it. just sayin partners should want to have sex and make eachother happy in the bedroom.

I just don't understand why men like to go and waste their money when they have it at home.

I believe the first statement answers the question.


Here is something I wonder about: when ladies say they don't refuse their husband, do they think this because they don't verbally say no? Verbal tone and body language speak volumes, in addition to past history in the relationship.

I have had enough rejection that unless my wife says "Let's have sex" I don't even bother anymore. My ego & pride can take so much. She says she just doesn't have the desire and I have no desire for duty sex. I believe that it is a wonderful act for a couple, but why chase someone that has no desire to be chased? Hence, a reason some may stray outside the marriage.

 

[uhtred]

OP
Many people view a "sensual" massage as cheating and completely unacceptable in marriage. I think you have every right to be upset. If this had been a "medical" massage it would have been through a legitimate therapeutic massage place and he wouldn't have been hiding it.

A craigslist "sensual massage" with "happy endings" means that she almost certainly gave him a hand job - maybe more. Legitimate massage places call themselves "theraputic" and go out of their way to be clear that they are not prostitutes.

Whether or not lack of sex is ever an excuse, that isn't the problem in this case.

I don't have a good suggestion on what you should do. He will likely do it again and you can't really stop him - just get mad when you find out. Should you divorce him over this? I think you have every right to, but what you actually do really depends on how you feel and lots of other issues.

 

[Primrose]

The fact that he kept it from you is the biggest red flag. If he went for back related issues, he would think nothing of telling you.

 

[chillymorn69]

Alot of people who refuse sex with their partner are suprised when they get it else where.I'm not excusing them for it. just sayin partners should want to have sex and make eachother happy in the bedroom.

Umm... it's rare that I ever turn him down in bed. It's him that only wants it maybe 2-3 times a month. If it was up to me, we would have sex a lot more often than that.[/QUOTE]

well a honest conversation with him is in order. and listening to him.

I don't know if he got a happy ending or not but its a possibility. why not just ask him why he would want to go to a massage parlor when you are here for him. and espicially when you are ready sexually for any time. only he can answer that. will he answer honestly? I don't know but if he blows smoke and doesn't give a good reason why he does not want sex with you then you have a decision to make. are you ok with him refusing you sex and hiding the fact that he frequents massage parlors. or is this a deal breaker for you.

 

[Edo Edo]

Welcome to the forum, Mommy3girls.

There's definite gray area here. The instance where he booked a massage at the studio is very likely above board. I wouldn't put too much stock in rumors from Google. If the rumors held any truth, chances are that local authorities would have busted them already. The time in which he booked a massage at your home is much more questionable. I think in that instance, you have to go with your gut feeling. It's good that you do not deny your husband sex, (it's the main love language for us guys), though I would ask how exciting your sex life is when you do have it? For example, is it passionate and fun or is does the sex feel like another chore to do (for either you or him)?

My wife and I both love massages. I typically give my wife her massages (I have some training, though I'm technically not certified), but when decide to get professional ones, we both only book them with females. It's more relaxing for both of us that way, and in no way does my wife consider it cheating (though no happy endings have ever been involved).

Just an idea. Would you consider getting a couple's massage with him? My wife and I do that from time to time. They take place in the same room where you and your partner lay right next to each other in the studio and enjoy a massage together. It's a very relaxing, bonding experience. The nookie after you get home is fun too...

PS: Love. Your. Avatar...

 

[oldshirt]

I have had periodic back problems for over 30 years. When I have an attack of back pain, I go to the doctor or chiropractor.

If the doctor were to prescribe massage as a legitimate therapy (which has never happened in 30 years BTW) I would go to a licenced massage therapist that could be an old, fat, balding dude with bad teeth for all I care - I would just want the pain to go away. And I would have no problem telling my wife where I was going and what it was for.

If I were to go to, "Babes of Bankok Massage and Delight". It would be for a BJ and Tug Job.

And to address a post made above, NO legitimate, licenced massage therapy clinics offer sexual acts. Not even for return customers. If the state regulatory agency that licenses that business got wind of any sexual acts taking place, the would pull the licenses of the business and revoke the certifications of all the therapist and turn everything over to the police.

 

[jaquen]

Umm... it's rare that I ever turn him down in bed. It's him that only wants it maybe 2-3 times a month. If it was up to me, we would have sex a lot more often than that.

Are you initiating sex and he's frequently turning you down?

Have you two discussed this? If so, what reasons does he give?

 

[hifromme67]

Do you guys have a frequent sex life.or do you reject him frequently?



If he has back pain I would think a happy ending might make it worse.



Could you give him a back rub then a little tug?



Most massage places won't do happy endings unless your a reapeat customer.



Just me thinking outloud here



Alot of people who refuse sex with their partner are suprised when they get it else where.I'm not excusing them for it. just sayin partners should want to have sex and make eachother happy in the bedroom.

Please don't put the blame on her and make her feel guilty. If she refuses sex, that gives him
NO right to be unfaithful. He always has the option to walk away from the marriage. Nobody should ever be made to feel they are to blame for their partner'e lack of loyalty.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[uhtred]

I don't see anything here to suggest that the OP is turning her husband down for sex and she has stated the opposite.

I know that in some cases men will turn to other outlets if they don't have a sex life at home but that doesn't seem to be the case here and I don't see why people are suggesting that.

The OP could be lying of course, but I don't see any reason to think that, and I think we should give advice assuming that she is telling the truth.

She says that she is available to him for sex and that he is more the limit than she is. He isn't going to massage parlors because he doesn't get sex at home, he is going because that is what he wants to do. Unless there is something we are missing it sounds like a purely selfish act.

 

[AussieRN]

Happy endings to me are a little bit of a grey area. My other half has said its fine and is quite happy for me to get them if I want.
He shouldn't be hiding it from you and he for sure should have asked if it was ok with you and respected whatever boundary you set.
One partner refusing sex/intimacy doesn't give the other a right to cheat. It does give them the right to raise it as an issue though.
If as you say he can have it when ever he wants its likely he just wants someone else but within the "safe" context of a happy ending (ie he doesn't want a full on EA but he want to experience it with someone else).

 

[Mommy3girls]

I have had enough rejection that unless my wife says "Let's have sex" I don't even bother anymore. My ego & pride can take so much. She says she just doesn't have the desire and I have no desire for duty sex. I believe that it is a wonderful act for a couple, but why chase someone that has no desire to be chased? Hence, a reason some may stray outside the marriage.[/QUOTE]

I send him random lingerie selfies during the day while he's at work to give him the idea that ill be waiting for him when he gets home. but then he gets home and he's too tired or says that its been a long sweaty day at work that he stinks (he works in construction). I think that saying Lets have sex just like that just isn't passionate or romantic if your straight u asking for it. its a turn off for me at least.

 

[Mommy3girls]

I don't see anything here to suggest that the OP is turning her husband down for sex and she has stated the opposite.

I know that in some cases men will turn to other outlets if they don't have a sex life at home but that doesn't seem to be the case here and I don't see why people are suggesting that.

The OP could be lying of course, but I don't see any reason to think that, and I think we should give advice assuming that she is telling the truth.

She says that she is available to him for sex and that he is more the limit than she is. He isn't going to massage parlors because he doesn't get sex at home, he is going because that is what he wants to do. Unless there is something we are missing it sounds like a purely selfish act.

I don't have any reason to lie about being available and willing to have sex whenever he wants. i believe he is being selfish and only thinks about his needs above mine.

 

[Mommy3girls]

Happy endings to me are a little bit of a grey area. My other half has said its fine and is quite happy for me to get them if I want.
He shouldn't be hiding it from you and he for sure should have asked if it was ok with you and respected whatever boundary you set.
One partner refusing sex/intimacy doesn't give the other a right to cheat. It does give them the right to raise it as an issue though.
If as you say he can have it when ever he wants its likely he just wants someone else but within the "safe" context of a happy ending (ie he doesn't want a full on EA but he want to experience it with someone else).

I understand what you mean, and I actually believe that might be the reason. We were high school sweethearts and got married young (23). I know he loves me so maybe he's not looking for a full on affair but maybe just an experience with someone else. Still seems selfish to me. What if it was me looking for the outside experience? Im not sure he would be so understanding.