My husband was laid off about 10 months ago. He got the job (admin) through a family member. When that person retired, they got rid of him.
We've been married about a year and a half. I have a decent full time job but am trying to pay off all my old bills so I can start a business. We're both in our early forties.
He does the minimum necessary to keep the unemployment going, but it will run out soon. (when he first started getting it, he found the process so difficult that he announced he was going to stop calling in because it was too hard. I guess he expected I'd say that that was fine and I would just pay all the bills. Not!).
He wears the same clothes- or a robe- for days in a row, and has gained a belly. From what I can tell the great majority of his time is spent on Facebook, downloading music or watching movies.
He also spends time on his own personal projects (the arts) that he enjoys, which I think is great, but those unfortunately do not pay anything.
Supposedly, before the lay off all he wanted was time to finish writing a book he'd started. But he's barely worked on it at all being home every day for the better part of a year.
This isn't a situation where his job was his life and now he feels inadequate and depressed. He considers himself a creative artist and has never cared at all about having a traditional career. He spent most of his time at his job surfing the internet. But at least he went every day and made enough money to pay the bills.
He's shown virtually no interest in supporting himself, and resists any effort I make to try and figure out what type of job he can tolerate. I've tried saying nothing (because he gets mad, as if I have no right to 'nag' him about getting a job or to even ask what his plan is), and I've tried being as blunt as I can possibly be. Nothing I do or say seems to have any effect. It's like talking to the proverbial wall.
We live rent-free in a house his parents own. This certainly helps financially, but we are also beholden to them, which isn't ideal.
Today he told me it makes no difference what job he gets, because they are all the same, there is no job he will not hate. I said well, then we at least need to figure out a job you can do that will generate as much money as possible.
I'm starting to lose hope for a future with this man. I don't really want to leave him, but also don't want to be tied to someone who won't take responsibility for his life and just scrape by.
Our relationship is good in most other ways, but a lot of the time I feel I'm married to a teenage boy who just wants everything done for him. It's impossible not to lose respect for someone in this situation. I've lost a lot of my attraction to him. Maybe he'll finally get a job, and things will improve. But damage has been done.
Maybe it is a double standard (men have to be strong and capable). But I would never ask or expect him to support me or think it was fine that I did whatever I wanted all day while he worked.
I blame myself for getting into this situation. The last major relationship I had was with a similarly helpless, entitled man. All I wanted was a man who was self-sufficient. Clearly there is something about me that leads me to choose these people.
Any advice appreciated, thanks for reading.
We've been married about a year and a half. I have a decent full time job but am trying to pay off all my old bills so I can start a business. We're both in our early forties.
He does the minimum necessary to keep the unemployment going, but it will run out soon. (when he first started getting it, he found the process so difficult that he announced he was going to stop calling in because it was too hard. I guess he expected I'd say that that was fine and I would just pay all the bills. Not!).
He wears the same clothes- or a robe- for days in a row, and has gained a belly. From what I can tell the great majority of his time is spent on Facebook, downloading music or watching movies.
He also spends time on his own personal projects (the arts) that he enjoys, which I think is great, but those unfortunately do not pay anything.
Supposedly, before the lay off all he wanted was time to finish writing a book he'd started. But he's barely worked on it at all being home every day for the better part of a year.
This isn't a situation where his job was his life and now he feels inadequate and depressed. He considers himself a creative artist and has never cared at all about having a traditional career. He spent most of his time at his job surfing the internet. But at least he went every day and made enough money to pay the bills.
He's shown virtually no interest in supporting himself, and resists any effort I make to try and figure out what type of job he can tolerate. I've tried saying nothing (because he gets mad, as if I have no right to 'nag' him about getting a job or to even ask what his plan is), and I've tried being as blunt as I can possibly be. Nothing I do or say seems to have any effect. It's like talking to the proverbial wall.
We live rent-free in a house his parents own. This certainly helps financially, but we are also beholden to them, which isn't ideal.
Today he told me it makes no difference what job he gets, because they are all the same, there is no job he will not hate. I said well, then we at least need to figure out a job you can do that will generate as much money as possible.
I'm starting to lose hope for a future with this man. I don't really want to leave him, but also don't want to be tied to someone who won't take responsibility for his life and just scrape by.
Our relationship is good in most other ways, but a lot of the time I feel I'm married to a teenage boy who just wants everything done for him. It's impossible not to lose respect for someone in this situation. I've lost a lot of my attraction to him. Maybe he'll finally get a job, and things will improve. But damage has been done.
Maybe it is a double standard (men have to be strong and capable). But I would never ask or expect him to support me or think it was fine that I did whatever I wanted all day while he worked.
I blame myself for getting into this situation. The last major relationship I had was with a similarly helpless, entitled man. All I wanted was a man who was self-sufficient. Clearly there is something about me that leads me to choose these people.
Any advice appreciated, thanks for reading.