Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 24 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband and I got married about 6 months ago and at the time I was still living in Wisconsin and he was stationed in Colorado. We got married before I moved out by him. Then I had discovered he had been going to exotic massage parlors and texting escorts. I confronted him and I decided to give him another chance. We went on a couples retreat. However, he didn't take much initiative in trying to see a counselor for his problem. He wanted me to help him, yet I felt broken and needed my own help. He blamed it on feeling like he couldn't talk to me and how I don't give him much attention because I am working and going to school. He said he talked to them about work, which I really can't believe. After the retreat I found two escort numbers saved in his phone and I asked him about it. He admitted to looking them up but didn't contact them and deleted the numbers since he knew he was in the wrong. Now he had been good for about a month, and then I found he is texting escorts again. I confronted him last night and he said he was testing me because he knew I was watching and wanted to get caught. He knew I had been monitoring his accounts because of what he did. However, he decided to change his password in the middle of the day after texting these escorts so if he wanted to get caught then why would he change his password or delete the messages? He said they were talking about meeting up but he wasn't really going to. I said how could you test me when you know that's what I am watching for and I said all the trust I started getting back for you is gone. I feel like he is not going to stop and isn't taking initiative to get real help from a counselor. I am not sure what to do, but I want to be with someone I can trust to have children with. Every since we have been married I have not been happy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
94 Posts
Exotic massage parlors? my husband went to those, we are divorcing now. If i would be you i would get rid of him ASAP. Why give a second chance? those massage parlors are essentially brothels just so you know, there is also a lot of trafficking going on, your husband sounds like a pig to me. Sorry.

Your husband is a very bad person, definitely not one to have kids with LOL. I don't know if you are like me, but i still after weeks of filing divorce can't get over what is happening at these places. It will haunt me forever.

Escorts are the same thing, there is no difference.

My advice would be to divorce him or get revenge on him.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
8,906 Posts
So what's your question?

He's going to keep cheating on you. He doesn't respect you, he feels like he can ignore any consequences you lay out, mainly because you let things be swept under the rug. Your choice now is whether you have the courage to change this dynamic.

C
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,232 Posts
You should not even be THINKING about having children with this man!!! He is cheating on you and lying to you and has no intention of stopping. All during what SHOULD be the beginning of your life together - the 'honeymoon' period.

Run. Far, far away. And get tested for STD's.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,894 Posts
Then I had discovered he had been going to exotic massage parlors and texting escorts. I confronted him and I decided to give him another chance.

We went on a couples retreat. However, he didn't take much initiative in trying to see a counselor for his problem.


He blamed it on feeling like he couldn't talk to me and how I don't give him much attention because I am working and going to school.

He said he talked to them about work, which I really can't believe.

After the retreat I found two escort numbers saved in his phone and I asked him about it. He admitted to looking them up but didn't contact them and deleted the numbers since he knew he was in the wrong.

Now he had been good for about a month, and then I found he is texting escorts again. I confronted him last night and he said he was testing me because he knew I was watching and wanted to get caught.

He knew I had been monitoring his accounts because of what he did. However, he decided to change his password in the middle of the day after texting these escorts so if he wanted to get caught then why would he change his password or delete the messages? He said they were talking about meeting up but he wasn't really going to. I said how could you test me when you know that's what I am watching for and I said all the trust I started getting back for you is gone. I feel like he is not going to stop and isn't taking initiative to get real help from a counselor. I am not sure what to do, but I want to be with someone I can trust to have children with. Every since we have been married I have not been happy.


You are dealing with a very immature Mr. Bull Shyt. He can't talk to you because you are busy so he hooks up with escorts. That responce would give me a warm and fussy feeling. It is what we call "blameshifting", he is blaming you for his bad behavior.

Not sure what to do - I take it he is in the military. Take your butt down to legal and ask them to assist you in filing for a divorce and ask them what all your options are. And don't tell your husband what you are doing.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Acoa

·
Registered
Joined
·
48 Posts
You have only been married for 6 months???

I'll tell you what to do right now! ...RUN! Divorce, Anull the marriage. Get away from this guy. The man is not marriage worthy. Time to find another man. Get done with your schooling, then go get married to someone else.

This marriage seems like it was over before it ever started! Sorry you two made a bad decision to marry. Learn from this and start over.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
10,183 Posts
He wasn't testing you. Testing for what? He's a cheater and doesn't deserve to be trusted. You have the perfect opportunity to get out before you start having children. Take it. He's not changing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thank you everyone for the advice. I don't think he is going to change. He just blames it on me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
596 Posts
Thank you everyone for the advice. I don't think he is going to change. He just blames it on me.
OK, that's crap and you know it. Every time he texts an escort, that's a decision he's making. If he takes it the next step further and meets with an escort, again that would be his decision.

I think you're right he's not going to change, and I don't think you should change your expectations of what a good marriage should be. I think you know the next step.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,502 Posts
Thank you everyone for the advice. I don't think he is going to change. He just blames it on me.
He isn't going to change. All of his excuses were lies inteneded to either throw you off the scent or blame you. He wants you to feel insecure so he can continue to behave any damn way he pleases instead of as a loyal married man.

Shake the ground under his feet. Get copies of whatever proof you can and go see legal as a previous poster suggested.

Be prepared, his behavior will morph as he adapts his story to whatever facts are exposed. He may even start to tell you how sorry he is and that he wants to be married to you. Be on guard, it will be an act. You see him now for what he is. If you stay, it's only a matter of time till that resurfaces.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
75 Posts
Listen to me with your heart. Please. If you do nothing else, hear what I have to say.

I have been And am in your shoes. Approaching my 23rd wedding anniversary. It has taken me this long to get the nerve and steel to finally leave. As I write this I am taking a short break from packing my belongings. In the morning I am gone forever. He does not know this. Last time I informed him of my plans, I was wooed back. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Men like this do not change. He will lie, cheat and steal in any way, shape and form to get what he wants. This will slowly eat away at everything that you are if you waste time by staying. Blaming you and then continuing the behavior is all you need to know for Irrefutable proof that he will not stop.

He won't stop. You will waste precious years of your life wondering, crying, going crazy and worrying. It is constant!

You WILL lose friends, family, self esteem, peace of mind, self respect and more than you Can ever imagine if you decide to stay.

RUN!!!!!

If you don't leave, you will slowly die an emotional death. You will need intensive counseling to get over the myriad of assorted issues you will have. It will forever change sex for you. It will forever change love for you. It will forever change trust for you. It will forever change YOU!!

Love yourself enough to leave this situation. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life questioning him and worrying about STDs?
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
64 Posts
My husband and I got married about 6 months ago and at the time I was still living in Wisconsin and he was stationed in Colorado. We got married before I moved out by him. Then I had discovered he had been going to exotic massage parlors and texting escorts.

You should've left the relationship at this point.

I confronted him and I decided to give him another chance. We went on a couples retreat. However, he didn't take much initiative in trying to see a counselor for his problem. He wanted me to help him, yet I felt broken and needed my own help. He blamed it on feeling like he couldn't talk to me and how I don't give him much attention because I am working and going to school.

Don't let him blame his choices on you. He continually decided to cheat. You're not responsible for him doing that.

He said he talked to them about work, which I really can't believe.

Don't believe it. If anything you should feel insulted that he'd think you'd be so dense as to believe that.

After the retreat I found two escort numbers saved in his phone and I asked him about it. He admitted to looking them up but didn't contact them and deleted the numbers since he knew he was in the wrong. Now he had been good for about a month, and then I found he is texting escorts again. I confronted him last night and he said he was testing me because he knew I was watching and wanted to get caught.
WTF? :confused: What kind of logic is this?

He knew I had been monitoring his accounts because of what he did. However, he decided to change his password in the middle of the day after texting these escorts so if he wanted to get caught then why would he change his password or delete the messages? He said they were talking about meeting up but he wasn't really going to.

Don't buy that either, he's feeding you more nonsense.

I said how could you test me when you know that's what I am watching for and I said all the trust I started getting back for you is gone. I feel like he is not going to stop and isn't taking initiative to get real help from a counselor. I am not sure what to do, but I want to be with someone I can trust to have children with. Every since we have been married I have not been happy.
RUN!!!!

Your husband is putting your health at risk for some serious STDs by visiting sex workers.

And to top it off, he doesn't feel the least bit remorseful and is pinning his actions on you!

You have only been married 6 months so you can still get an annulment.

Get away from this guy. If you stay with him things will not change because he does not respect you and he will continue this behavior.

Save your health and your heart, find a man who loves you, respects you, and is committed to you.

The guy you currently have ain't it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14 Posts
Speaking from experience, he does not respect you and in my case, after 13 years, mine doesnt either. It wont change. If you have the safe opportunity to leave, dont look back. Stand firm and go on. Bless you..
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
45,882 Posts
Thank you everyone for the advice. I don't think he is going to change. He just blames it on me.
Do you believe him when he blames you for his choice to hook up with hookers?

You need to not have sex with him anymore and get tested for STDs. His behavior is high risk and dangerous due to STD.. which he can pass along to you.

You gave him one chance. That was a gift. He does not you and will continue doing this.

Can you move out now, or have him move out?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
143 Posts
You have 2 choices:

-if you want him in your life, he has to go to counseling and fix the brokenness inside him that makes him behave like this.

People who use prostitutes/escorts, usually have some underlying problems from their childhood such as abuse, abandonment, lack of love, etc. Until he realizes himself that he has a problem and goes to therapy to fix it, your marriage has no chance.

-since you have been married for only 6 months, you might decide not to take the first choice which might take years to fix. Leave and choose wisely next time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
143 Posts
My advice would be to divorce him or get revenge on him.
A revenge is not going to fix her marriage.
Are you advocating she goes to a male escort?


Divorce at this stage of early marriage and no kids seems the best solution. Do not go on his level, he has serious problems which will need years to fix.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,502 Posts
A revenge is not going to fix her marriage.

Are you advocating she goes to a male escort?





Divorce at this stage of early marriage and no kids seems the best solution. Do not go on his level, he has serious problems which will need years to fix.

It's a clever spambot, or a spammer with way too much time on his hands.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Update- Husband texting escorts... again.

I wrote him a letter explaining why I want a divorce and how unhappy I am. When he came home from work he acted as if nothing was wrong, as if he hadn't read the letter and tried to give me a hug and kiss me, but I turned away. I asked him later that night and he was mad that I didn't tell him in person, but I can't get everything I want to say out if I do it in person. He still tried to put some things on me, but I told him that doesn't justify what he's done. We talked, a little heated at times, but he understands my position now. Although he said he's not going to stop trying to make me happy and still tries to hug and kiss me. When I turn away he asks what's wrong, you don't love me anymore? I say yes I love you, but that doesn't mean anything, because you can love someone but not want to be with them. I told him to stop buying me stuff because that's not going to solve anything. He is in the military and gets out in 2 months. I am unable to afford the place we live if he leaves right now. I am looking at options for a cheap apartment. Last night he bought new curtains, and a brand new desk. I asked him why, he said "well if you decide to leave I want the place to look nice for whoever I bring over, or if I go back to California (where he's from), I'll have everything and not need to buy anything." He did tell me if I leave he will give me 3grand to help, but nothing in the apartment is mine except the couches, and a t.v. in the bedroom. He bought everything else.
 
1 - 20 of 24 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top