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When should I draw the line regarding my husband shovling female neighbor yard. When I went outside I found him & her laughing. When he came inside after he noticed I saw him over there.... I told him it was a good gesture but it should not be a habbit and that it is not his responsibility. I am secure in who I am but the female neighbor has been known to hang out with males on the street and often my husband visits with the single men. He has sometimes gone out of his way to speak to her and she has sometimes ignored me when I spoke. She has also been known too use an elderly men for money. I think my husband should keep his distance. I also question what his true motive in helping this lady with her yard. What do you think?
 

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Well, as a male I ask you, what do you think a man wants from a good looking female neighbor....

It is good you have your attention to this, make sure it stops. He cannot be with her alone, let him read about this forum on EA's and how they start: Innocent!
 

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First I would question why he is shovling a yard and not the sidewalk.

Seriously, you should ask him straight up without emotion. It would sound like you two are already on shakey ground if there is any concern with him helping a neighbor. If you were both on the same page it would be clear to both of you that she is not of good character. Is your husband?
 

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I think This_is_me's question is super important to ask yourself: What is your husband's character?

Obviously, you have seen signs that are worrisome. Is your husband a good man who would stop someone from getting too close or would he encourage it? If he would encourage it, you need to realize that you cannot control who he is, and that is who you married so you can decide what to do about it.
 

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When should I draw the line regarding my husband shovling female neighbor yard. When I went outside I found him & her laughing. When he came inside after he noticed I saw him over there.... I told him it was a good gesture but it should not be a habbit and that it is not his responsibility. I am secure in who I am but the female neighbor has been known to hang out with males on the street and often my husband visits with the single men. He has sometimes gone out of his way to speak to her and she has sometimes ignored me when I spoke. She has also been known too use an elderly men for money. I think my husband should keep his distance. I also question what his true motive in helping this lady with her yard. What do you think?
What does "hang out with males on the street" mean? Who are these males? Random men walking by or neighbors? How do you know they are all "single?"

Is this neighbor attractive? What is her marital status?

How often does he shovel her yard & how did it start?
 

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When should I draw the line regarding my husband shovling female neighbor yard. When I went outside I found him & her laughing. When he came inside after he noticed I saw him over there.... I told him it was a good gesture but it should not be a habbit and that it is not his responsibility. I am secure in who I am but the female neighbor has been known to hang out with males on the street and often my husband visits with the single men. He has sometimes gone out of his way to speak to her and she has sometimes ignored me when I spoke. She has also been known too use an elderly men for money. I think my husband should keep his distance. I also question what his true motive in helping this lady with her yard. What do you think?
I would be concerned about this and wonder why my partner is not concerned about other people treating his partner rudely.

Depending on the situation and my mood, I would make it a point to make her say hello to me.....or else no convo with my partner.
 

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He has sometimes gone out of his way to speak to her and she has sometimes ignored me when I spoke.


This would bother me about both my H and neighbor. And like Nexttime, I'd do whatever I had to to get her to acknowledge me.

The next time he's going to do a neighborly favor, join him. Make it a project you do together. Play with him, have snowball fights, do whatever you need to to have fun with him while doing so. Hopefully if she's paying attention, this will reinforce for her that he's happily attached. Have to warn you, though, there are some woman (H and I refer to them as vipers) that specifically target attached men.....they thrive off knowing their SP is pissed/jealous. If she's one of those, you appearing jealous/angry is feeding her and she'll continue her raunchy behavior just to get your reaction.
 

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Ok, as a man I'm going to say this. If she is somewhat pretty and/or younger than him he is doing it because of this. Its not about being nice, its because of her looks. She is setting him up as another orbiter, a man available for her to use when she needs to while not giving up anything in return other than a little attention and flirting. While I don't think you need to feel threatened I would be insulted a bit. If it continues tell him he is acting like a love sick high school boy with a crush on the english teacher.
 

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I usually shovel the neighbors walk on both sides of me (when they haven't beaten me to it) and if I happen to run into them while doing so (or being outside for any reason any time of year) I will take the time and talk to them, regardless if they are male or female, or ugly vs attractive. I realize its a rare thing though, the first few times I ever saw my neighbors they never looked up, even if I said "hello", so I said "HELLO" a little louder until they acknowledged me, and now I get along great with all my neighbors, and we will stop shoveling to take a break and chat. That is what neighbors do.

Unless your H has a big crush on her, or she is being flirtatious with him (what exactly do they talk about? Weather, landscaping, city ordinances? or about fashion, sex, nail polish?) I wouldn't worry at all - if she is showing him into her house and they spend 20-30 minutes in there I'd be worried.
 

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I usually shovel the neighbors walk on both sides of me (when they haven't beaten me to it) and if I happen to run into them while doing so (or being outside for any reason any time of year) I will take the time and talk to them, regardless if they are male or female, or ugly vs attractive. I realize its a rare thing though, the first few times I ever saw my neighbors they never looked up, even if I said "hello", so I said "HELLO" a little louder until they acknowledged me, and now I get along great with all my neighbors, and we will stop shoveling to take a break and chat. That is what neighbors do.

Unless your H has a big crush on her, or she is being flirtatious with him (what exactly do they talk about? Weather, landscaping, city ordinances? or about fashion, sex, nail polish?) I wouldn't worry at all - if she is showing him into her house and they spend 20-30 minutes in there I'd be worried.
:iagree: I've done this numerous time for my neighbors too and sometimes when I haven't been home, they've sent one of their kids over to shovel my sidewalk!

On the other side of the coin, I would watch this! Is she maybe paying more attention to your husband than you are?? Men like compliments too ya know!
 

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What do you mean he goes out of his way to speak to her? Does he go over to her house alone? If he's just being helpful, I don't see a real issue. It just means he's a nice guy.
 

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When should I draw the line regarding my husband shovling female neighbor yard. When I went outside I found him & her laughing. When he came inside after he noticed I saw him over there.... I told him it was a good gesture but it should not be a habbit and that it is not his responsibility. I am secure in who I am but the female neighbor has been known to hang out with males on the street and often my husband visits with the single men. He has sometimes gone out of his way to speak to her and she has sometimes ignored me when I spoke. She has also been known too use an elderly men for money. I think my husband should keep his distance. I also question what his true motive in helping this lady with her yard. What do you think?
Trust your instincts on this. Let him know that you've noticed and that you are watching. Let him know that you do not appreciate your spouse being friendly with someone who is rude to you. This is extremely disloyal on his part and it is someting someone like her will take notice of. Don't put up with it.
 

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Trust your instincts on this. Let him know that you've noticed and that you are watching. Let him know that you do not appreciate your spouse being friendly with someone who is rude to you. This is extremely disloyal on his part and it is someting someone like her will take notice of. Don't put up with it.
A perfect answer.
 

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When should I draw the line regarding my husband shovling female neighbor yard. When I went outside I found him & her laughing. When he came inside after he noticed I saw him over there.... I told him it was a good gesture but it should not be a habbit and that it is not his responsibility. I am secure in who I am but the female neighbor has been known to hang out with males on the street and often my husband visits with the single men. He has sometimes gone out of his way to speak to her and she has sometimes ignored me when I spoke. She has also been known too use an elderly men for money. I think my husband should keep his distance. I also question what his true motive in helping this lady with her yard. What do you think?
if this was very unusual behavior (out of character) for your man then I would think that he (or she) wants him to (Insert_ Euphemism_Here)

Nix this quick.
 

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Some women(men) can bring a man(woman) in the 'fog' quite fast, it's something that can happen to anyone. We are programmed like that.

Not acknowledging this is dangerously naive.
 
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Perhaps this behavior is something to worry about; perhaps not. There is enough ambiguity in the information given that we who respond and react must bring our own interpretation to the situation and our interpretation may be off base.

For instance, as others have wondered, what does going out of his way to talk with the woman mean? What is the context of being ignored by her? Is the husband engaging in any other actions that might cause one to wonder if he is committed to the marriage?

I'm not implying there may not be reason to worry here, only that I hesitate o advise one way or the other based on the ambiguous information provided.
 
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