OR 180, his WIFE told him that OP was going crazy accusing her of stuff with her H, and that she was lying and they should block her. It's been done like that before!
Cheaters LOVE doing that - turning it into an "us against them" dynamic. It's what's known as foxhole bonding - when two people from different sides are forced into a foxhole together they usually unite and band together against a common enemy - and that's what the OP has done. Even though HE'S just as bad as the friend, she stayed with her cheater and they're now seeing the friend as their enemy. The friend is garbage and as evil as it gets, but the husband is worthy of forgiveness and reinvesting in.
The poor OP has probably been sucked into the Delusion Pond over on SI. They'll have her swimming in ignorant bliss in no time.
Yes. It's very common.Have you been in my situation??
WTF!!!Yes. It's very common.
As is it's kissing cousin, "Hysterical Bonding." That is where the cheating spouse makes love to their betrayed spouse like they have never done before. The frequency and passion are off the charts fantastic.
Have you been the beneficiary of some hysterical bonding as well? They often come hand in hand.
It is a good way to make you want to give the cheater a second chance. Enjoy it and then dump him when it's no longer fun.
He says he didn’t cheat as nothing sexual happened. I beg to disagree!!Are you guys quarantined? If so, you probably need to use that time to plan your next step.
Have you guys been to counseling? If not (or he refuses), then you have to decide to either: (1) file for divorce; or (2) you go to IC and attempt to heal and learn to trust again on your own.
Has he read: "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful"
by Linda MacDonald
It's been four months and he refuses to even discuss his affair. IMO your husband has a typical cheater's self centered/selfish attitude (including a lack of empathy for you, and minimizing & denying to himself how much he hurt/abused you). Unfortunately, it's the same thinking that allowed him to engage in the affair (and he's still unsafe).
Your husband is focusing on himself (not you) once again and convincing himself he's still a good person. How does he convince himself he's a good person? By apologizing and stopping cheating; and also by being in denial (to himself) by refusing to further acknowledge the damage/pain he caused by not discussing it.
Of course he doesn't want to discuss it because it makes him feel bad about himself. Why? it's tough work because in discussing his behavior he has to acknowledge that he is a cheater and a bully.
Basically, his long term strategy focuses on what makes him feel comfortable about himself. Time is his best friend. The longer he can avoid discussing it the less important his cheating & bullying becomes in his own mind.
If you go nuclear, I predict his response will be one of surprise and : "why aren't you over this by now". He doesn't see your pain as 1,000 times worst than his shame or discomfort in his behavior.
Those who cheat find it useful when found out to, be everything and more to their spouses they cheated on.‘’Damage control’!?!?!?
Don’t believe one word!!Those who cheat find it useful when found out to, be everything and more to their spouses they cheated on.
Thus hysterical bonding, is the way those cheaters, make their spouses believe they are the one and only. And use sex and all the emotions their spouses need to believe them.
Then he won't mind if you send his best friend a video of you masturbating, will he? He won't mind if you start yukking it up with his boss etc. I am NOT recommending you do this. But, since he thinks it is so harmless he needs to realize that what is good for the goose is good for the gander.He says he didn’t cheat as nothing sexual happened. I beg to disagree!!
The thought was there and who says it wouldn’t of gone any further if I hadn’t found out. (If it didn’t already)