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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
He had a 3 year EA/PA. We split for 6 weeks when I found out 3 years ago. And now are split again since August, he got verbally abusive with me and accused me all the time of wanting him dead, and there was a lot of name calling on his part that I was hateful and a hater etc. Well after being cheated on and demonized for 3 years I did have a lot of resentment, imagine that! I could not be warm and fuzzy with him. He lies a lot about stupid things and that is also a trigger.

We did Christian marriage counseling this fall...it helped HIM a lot because the couples who were presenters all survived infidelity and are SO in love now. And they gave us slogans like 'the past is passed' and love is a choice etc. Since then H now quotes these things and tells me that I should live by these rules.

The other day he was on my about how I left and caused this split in the family. I said it was because of his choices. He said that Jesus forgives him and he forgives himself. And my problem is that I can't forgive and move on.

Well I still think of her and him. I can't help it. He sends me these love texts, well I read almost the same sort of words in emails he sent to his OW. So his pretty words leave me cold.

He wants me back, and wants our family all together.
I carry a lot of guilt for leaving, but his verbal abuse got to me. He also refused intimacy with me in the last few years, saying that he had no need for it. Now all of a sudden he says that he wants to have a full marriage again and go on trips, and he loves me so much, and the kids need us together etc.

I know the kids should come first. They are 13 and 21. He picks on the 13 year old, texts her constantly when she is with me and tells her how lonely he is and that he sits and stares at the wall.

I am so stressed out.
Don't know if I should just return so the kids don't have this image that mom walked out. We share time with dd, I have her a bit more, he wants 50/50 if I don't return soon. Son lives with him.
 

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Tell him to read Matthew. It's black and white about fornication being acceptable grounds for divorce (your option).
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That is 100% true you do have that option as a christian and to remain within the teaching of your faith.

However you are required to forgive, but don't have to stay married.
 

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~ He picks on the 13 year old, texts her constantly when she is with me and tells her how lonely he is and that he sits and stares at the wall.~

I find this difficult to read; that a Dad would stoop this low to get your attention it seems by saying this crap to your daughter. Really? What is she supposed to do about it? I truly hope she isn't internalizing these comments but at 13 how can you not? Wish I could tell him to shut up myself. Or tell him to get his azz out of his chair, go fricking do something and quit feeling so sorry for himself!

I am sorry that he is this way. Sorry for your kids and sorry for you. Totally your choice to get back together or not; but would hope he changes for the better if you decide to.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
It is hard to take, and I do tell him that I forgive him. I forgive him but that does not mean that his actions didn't wound me. And when he says I am not a Christian because I don't forgive it's just another wound.

Every time he manipulates our daughter it just makes me feel that he has not changed. He plays the victim and that is just so wrong.
 

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So why is important for you to forgive him if he has already received the ultimate in forgiveness? As a good Christian shouldn't he be making amends for the harm he caused? I'm sorry to say this but he sounds like he thinks he is the one hanging on the cross and that is blasphemous.
 

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Whatever... If I had a dollar for all of the "christians" I've known over the years who have lied, cheated and scammed people I'd be rich.

I'm somewhat of a sceptic when I run into the self-confessed christians. My gut feeling is usually right, they turn out to be complete a**holes. Not all of them but most. They hide behind their so called faith to cover up what sort of person they really are.

My STBXH is the biggest pyscho liar and cheat of them all. His latest floozy is a bible basher and he has started going to church with her. He tells me I'm not as HOLY as him and she is pure.


Pure my a**. Messing around with a still-married man.
 

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He had a 3 year EA/PA. We split for 6 weeks when I found out 3 years ago. And now are split again since August, he got verbally abusive with me and accused me all the time of wanting him dead, and there was a lot of name calling on his part that I was hateful and a hater etc. Well after being cheated on and demonized for 3 years I did have a lot of resentment, imagine that! I could not be warm and fuzzy with him. He lies a lot about stupid things and that is also a trigger.

We did Christian marriage counseling this fall...it helped HIM a lot because the couples who were presenters all survived infidelity and are SO in love now. And they gave us slogans like 'the past is passed' and love is a choice etc. Since then H now quotes these things and tells me that I should live by these rules.

The other day he was on my about how I left and caused this split in the family. I said it was because of his choices. He said that Jesus forgives him and he forgives himself. And my problem is that I can't forgive and move on.

Well I still think of her and him. I can't help it. He sends me these love texts, well I read almost the same sort of words in emails he sent to his OW. So his pretty words leave me cold.

He wants me back, and wants our family all together.
I carry a lot of guilt for leaving, but his verbal abuse got to me. He also refused intimacy with me in the last few years, saying that he had no need for it. Now all of a sudden he says that he wants to have a full marriage again and go on trips, and he loves me so much, and the kids need us together etc.

I know the kids should come first. They are 13 and 21. He picks on the 13 year old, texts her constantly when she is with me and tells her how lonely he is and that he sits and stares at the wall.

I am so stressed out.
Don't know if I should just return so the kids don't have this image that mom walked out. We share time with dd, I have her a bit more, he wants 50/50 if I don't return soon. Son lives with him.
There is only one way to respond, "It is great Jesus forgives you because he is going to see you very soon."
 

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Jesus didn't marry him.
 

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Jesus forgives him---yah right---that's another lie, just like all the rest

This crum you call a H, does not deserve a family---get your D, and walk away----and if he continues to abuse the 13 yr old, and you already have your proof---have his custodial time cut down to supervised custody only

He is lonely----well who the F., caused that------remind him---he has caused all his own problems---and you have NO REASON TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT ANYTHING----your H, is a piece of garbage and you know it, and hopefully his kids know it also
 

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Originally Posted by My_2nd_Rodeo
Tell him to read Matthew. It's black and white about fornication being acceptable grounds for divorce (your option).
.
Reply by mel123
That is 100% true you do have that option as a christian and to remain within the teaching of your faith.

However you are required to forgive, but don't have to stay married.
As mel123 said your faith allows you to divorce.
Weather your husband is a real change man or not I do not know

By indicat
I forgive him but that does not mean that his actions didn't wound me.

By indicat
Well after being cheated on and demonized for 3 years I did have a lot of resentment, imagine that!

He sends me these love texts, well I read almost the same sort of words in emails he sent to his OW. So his pretty words leave me cold.

I carry a lot of guilt for leaving
Since you are the one posting and not him I would say that it maybe best for you to concentrate on you before you make any change involving getting more involved with your husband. The title of your thread is “Husband says Jesus forgives him” Weather that is a true statement or a cop out is not where your focus should be. You can only change you so YOU are the main focus. IMO.
Your underlined words above seem to not match. You say you forgive then talk about your resentment, and his words leaving you cold, then guilt. It seems like you do not have the emotional freedom that comes from complete forgiveness. I am not talking about forgiveness that says that what he did and has done is OK, far from it! The forgiveness that I am talking about is one that mostly involves you and you getting better. You do not seem like you have emotional freedom.
Are you sure you have forgiven him?

Guilt and unforgiveness are mostly spiritual matters. It is in your best interest for you to forgive because if you do not you will be affected negatively weather you divorce of stay married. Guilt and bitterness are poisons to contentment and joy.

There are LOTS of materials on forgiveness and anger that tell you how to deal with it.
In Touch Ministries has a lot of very good information on forgiveness http://store.intouch.org/search.aspx?searchterm=Forgiveness

The person that is most responsible for seeking forgiveness is you. YOU will benefit from forgiving.
 

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Unfortunately forgiveness is a multi step process. Generally you will forgive many many times for the same thing before it starts to fade.
 
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