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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
My husband and I have been married 14 years and have 2 girls, ages 10 and 13. We started marriage counseling 2 months ago to help us work through our communication issues and to help my husband understand some resentment I have towards him.

Our counseling session last night did not go over well with me. My husband said he wants to look forward to coming home. That killed me!!!!

In the past couple months, our lives had made a 180 for the best! The emotionally connecting, making love almost every night, going out with friends again!

I was extremely upset after our session. He reassured me that he loves me more than anything, hugged and kissed me. He looked into my eyes and said he feels the closest to me then he's ever felt!

He then left to have drinks with some friends from work (He had made these plans earlier in the day). When he got home I told him I was upset for him having left. I haven't spoken with him since.

Am I wrong for being mad? What does he mean by "I want to look forward to coming home?"
I am soo hurt!
 

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I think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. Personally he could just mean he was excited about coming home. It seems he is more into the marriage now then ever before. You stand at a cross road. Either you move forward from here and make things better or you risk losing it all, he gave a little you should too.

draconis
 

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It could be a simple mis talk of words and He might have meant he looks forward to coming home more now then he did in the past. Not for sure wasn't there. If your working on your communications skills with each other then why not simply ask him what he meant. Tell him you felt things have been going realy good but if there is something else he is missing that he needs then he needs to tell you. Not talking to him is doing the opposit of what all the councling is about.
 

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why don't you ask him what he means?

I want to look forward to comming home to....But I am talking about my wife in a provacative outfit wanting to "play"

Maybe he wants to spice things up a bit
 

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We can not possibly know what your husband meant, for the statement he made or at least your retelling of what he said was without any context. We don't know the conversation that lead to that statement, his true feelings (his take), on your perceived progress nor whether any of this meets his needs and wants.

Please know that although you might have been getting the forward progress that you wanted out of the counsellings sessions, he might still not be getting what he wants out of them and so there might still be some work to be done on your part.

All of what we might advise to you or opinion on is all just conjecture and without further insight into the true nature of the situation, then no one, not even yourself can help.

I can offer some sound generic advice that can help clarify this any future misunderstandings, just ask him. Sounds really simply, I know, but it's not trust me. The hard part of this, is that you have to be calm, open minded and stay that way regardless of what he says. I myself am working on this technique, with the operative word being "working on", well that was two words, but you know what I mean.
Let him get whatever he want off of his chest without the fear of you getting mad, then just calmly try and work it out.
If you do not agree with what he is having issue with, don't express your differing opinion until he is done talking. When you do respond, do so calmly and without anger. If for some reason you can't, just listen to him. Take a break, go off and run it through your head a few time, and then later come to him with your side. Who knows, if you give yourself enough time to calm down and let the initial anger dissipate maybe you will eventually reach the point of empathy and understanding.
Remember, that you are in this together.
By this, I mean "The Relationship".
It sound to me like you are at least trying to make steps forward and that's the best you can do already.
Try and not over think it, too much. I have a problem with "over thinking" things myself.
 
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