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Discussion Starter · #62 ·
Your marriage is a mess woman. You have a man that doesn't care about a relationship with his wife or kids. He is being selfish. He probably always was. Once he got you, he stopped trying to win you over. YOU need to change this. Stop pursuing him. He doesn't deserve the family he has. Live your lives without him. He said you should. Take him on his words. He will not like it. You need to do things with your kids. If he doesn't want to do them, then leave him out! Selfish jerk needs to grow up. 20 years of crap is what he gave you in return for all that love and devotion. He screams at you? Don't tolerate it. Walk out and away for hours. Enjoy a movie or two, heck maybe 3! Dissapear for hours to a spa or just window shopping. Stop asking him for anything. He is a screaming bully!
The only place I go to is the gym! I don’t go anytime else. But I have to make myself strong and start living my life, I have been so extra caring for him, high time now, I take care of myself! As for my Kids, will always do what needs to be done.
 

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I always wished we could have a quiet, meaningful conversation! But he starts the blaming game, “you said this, you said that!” And these past days, he says something and then twists and turns the whole things, saying “I never said that!” And the yelling, it is intolerable, yet I have to bear with it!
Mmm My Husband likes to play the blame game too. If I say he's upset me for any reason it ends up that he has to justify exactly why he upset me rather than apologise, discuss it and move on, it's always boils down to what I've done or said. I feel your pain. If my Husband was as bad as yours sounds I would have long gone. I can't understand why you'd actually want to have sex with him. My Husband functions normally, has no health issues and no reason why he can't have sex, indeed he says he's ready and willing yet when I've tried to discuss it and ask for his view point on our relationship and why he doesn't initiate he just answers with "Why don't you" You really need to find some way to talk through things together and work out what's going on.
 

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He had a physical routine and he did have his T levels checked, everything was notmal.
Do you know the level #. The hormone panel is not typically checked during physical blood work. Levels range from 450-1200 on the chart my Dr uses. Stated men usually feel best around 1100. At 37 my level was down to 223. He may be at 450 and the Dr would say he is normal. That range may be for men from 25-65. 450 might be normal for 65 yr old but at 49 i could not function well at 450.

With low T a man is on autopilot. Sex is not really even on the radar. I could have had the entire playmate calander in my living room in the buff and i would tell them to move they ate blocking the tv.

Does he seem tired in evening or not sleeping well. Night sweats? Soft erection?
 

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Discussion Starter · #65 ·
Do you know the level #. The hormone panel is not typically checked during physical blood work. Levels range from 450-1200 on the chart my Dr uses. Stated men usually feel best around 1100. At 37 my level was down to 223. He may be at 450 and the Dr would say he is normal. That range may be for men from 25-65. 450 might be normal for 65 yr old but at 49 i could not function well at 450.

With low T a man is on autopilot. Sex is not really even on the radar. I could have had the entire playmate calander in my living room in the buff and i would tell them to move they ate blocking the tv.

Does he seem tired in evening or not sleeping well. Night sweats? Soft erection?
I gotta be honest, I have no idea about these numbers:( All I know, from what he told me, his levels are on the normal side.

He works from home. Tired? He is always on his laptop, okay I understand that he needs to work, he is a software engineer, but bringing the laptop in the bedroom almost, almost every day!!!!
And here I am, waiting for him in the bed, even if I want to make the move, arouse him, pretty much impossible, always glued on his Laptop!
 

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I gotta be honest, I have no idea about these numbers:( All I know, from what he told me, his levels are on the normal side.

He works from home. Tired? He is always on his laptop, okay I understand that he needs to work, he is a software engineer, but bringing the laptop in the bedroom almost, almost every day!!!!
And here I am, waiting for him in the bed, even if I want to make the move, arouse him, pretty much impossible, always glued on his Laptop!
Did you try various techniques to arouse him by any chance ?


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Discussion Starter · #67 ·
Mmm My Husband likes to play the blame game too. If I say he's upset me for any reason it ends up that he has to justify exactly why he upset me rather than apologise, discuss it and move on, it's always boils down to what I've done or said. I feel your pain. If my Husband was as bad as yours sounds I would have long gone. I can't understand why you'd actually want to have sex with him. My Husband functions normally, has no health issues and no reason why he can't have sex, indeed he says he's ready and willing yet when I've tried to discuss it and ask for his view point on our relationship and why he doesn't initiate he just answers with "Why don't you" You really need to find some way to talk through things together and work out what's going on.
Why? I think of that too! But in reality, I can never visualize myself being intimate with another man in my life! Yes, he makes me angry, he yells at me, but still, I can’t think of doing it with another man!

So, this morning, he proposed we, either see a counselor OR start everything afresh, leave everything behind and start all over again!
He asked me what I wanted to do, to which I replied, “If we start from zero, we have to talk about few things, resolve the unresolved issues” and he said “ok” Even told me he shouldn’t be yelling at me!

And hour ago, I asked him, are we ready to talk?
He replies “I thought we already did!”
So you see, I don’t know what to do, am trying my best!
And it’s not like his mind is preoccupied or anything, why I say this, is because, he is very normal when he talks to other people over the phone!
I sometimes feel, he takes me very much for granted!
 

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Why? I think of that too! But in reality, I can never visualize myself being intimate with another man in my life! Yes, he makes me angry, he yells at me, but still, I can’t think of doing it with another man!

So, this morning, he proposed we, either see a counselor OR start everything afresh, leave everything behind and start all over again!
He asked me what I wanted to do, to which I replied, “If we start from zero, we have to talk about few things, resolve the unresolved issues” and he said “ok” Even told me he shouldn’t be yelling at me!

And hour ago, I asked him, are we ready to talk?
He replies “I thought we already did!”
So you see, I don’t know what to do, am trying my best!
And it’s not like his mind is preoccupied or anything, why I say this, is because, he is very normal when he talks to other people over the phone!
I sometimes feel, he takes me very much for granted!
Getting involved in another man isnt a solution, it would be messy rather than sorting things out. Its great to know you would like to be with him and is still giving all that you can.


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Just divorce him. He doesn’t even want a conversation with you - much less sex.

Don’t date anyone new until the divorce is final.

I’d suspect the affair is someone he’s contacting on his computer.
 

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Have you ever tried asking him to watch porn together on the same computer he’s stuck with ?

The whole point is, if he’s stuck out there with a machine then can’t you show interest to arouse him by watching porn together ?

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Do you love this man? If you do, are you really prepared to spend the rest of your life with no sex?

You would be surprised how many people would....She's already admitted to be financially dependent on him....Heck. I'd bet that a lot of people would advise her not to rock that boat too much...Or wind up with a significant downgrade in quality of life and even then no guarantee of quality and worthwhile sex...

On a side note....All this talk of testosterone prompts me to respond....Testosterone treatment can have a benefit on libido, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it will be directed at the wife...For all we know he is no longer into her sexually-in fact that is probably more likely to be the case...The possible end result of t treatment is now he starts chasing other women that he wouldn't normally have done..I can't speak for everyone, but even if I had T levels of a Alpha male silverback, it won't mean I would then eff a woman I "gave up" on....Usually once that ship sails it never comes back..
 

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Why? I think of that too! But in reality, I can never visualize myself being intimate with another man in my life! Yes, he makes me angry, he yells at me, but still, I can’t think of doing it with another man!

So, this morning, he proposed we, either see a counselor OR start everything afresh, leave everything behind and start all over again!
He asked me what I wanted to do, to which I replied, “If we start from zero, we have to talk about few things, resolve the unresolved issues” and he said “ok” Even told me he shouldn’t be yelling at me!

And hour ago, I asked him, are we ready to talk?
He replies “I thought we already did!”
So you see, I don’t know what to do, am trying my best!
And it’s not like his mind is preoccupied or anything, why I say this, is because, he is very normal when he talks to other people over the phone!
I sometimes feel, he takes me very much for granted!
I'm a bit confused by the first part of your reply. I didn't say anything about having sex with anybody else, far from it, just you need to sort our your issues to resolve your current situation.
It's great that he's suggested seeing a counsellor, at least he's acknowledges that things need to worked out and is willing to.
Not sure starting from zero and ignoring the pastt is a good option, we tried that and old issues always find a way to bite you again unless they're properly worked through.
 
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