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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi All,
We have been married for 20 years and have 2 kids. Have had ups and downs in our marriage, tried and still trying to cope with the situation/issues. My husband today said that he doesn’t feel like having sex with me because I have been harassing him! And what is the harassment? That I tell him he lies a lot and masturbates! I have many reasons why I say so! About telling him that he masturbates, what led me to say so? He barely has sex with me, and I know I might be assuming, might be wrong, but it’s only because he hardly does it even though I have brought it up several times! We do have arguments, many in fact, but am doing what needs to be done, taking care of the house, cooking and even taking care of my Husband. But then, what about me? Who is thinking about me?
And today, today was the limit! Not sure what I should do when my husband tells me he doesn’t feel like having sex with me!
I know he isn’t having an affair or anything.
I am 100% about that. I am in total distress and lost.
Please advise me.
 

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He probably needs some counseling. He could be depressed or addicted to porn which can go hand in hand with depression.

I'm an advocate for just doing it when your spouse wants it.

I haven't slept good in about two weeks and did not feel like it this morning but Mrs. C has been patient with me so I did it anyway and it was great after we started.

I feel for you and you might have to put your foot down about getting some help to resolve this.

Don't ever undervalue your needs. This is serious business and can easily end a marriage.
 

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He has also reached his limit. There is no way I would tell a person who feels harassed to just have sex. I've received the same message you got.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
He has also reached his limit. There is no way I would tell a person who feels harassed to just have sex. I've received the same message you
He has also reached his limit. There is no way I would tell a person who feels harassed to just have sex. I've received the same message you got.
There is no harassment at all, if you find out your spouse is lying and let him know that, am not sure this is called harassment!
I have been harassed by his whole family over the years and yet am still here.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
He probably needs some counseling. He could be depressed or addicted to porn which can go hand in hand with depression.

I'm an advocate for just doing it when your spouse wants it.

I haven't slept good in about two weeks and did not feel like it this morning but Mrs. C has been patient with me so I did it anyway and it was great after we started.

I feel for you and you might have to put your foot down about getting some help to resolve this.

Don't ever undervalue your needs. This is serious business and can easily end a marriage.
Thanks for getting back. I really don’t know what is going on:( I have been a good wife and a mother, however, yes as a couple we have had and still have arguments, but for a 20 years marriage and having known each other for 26 years, the words he said today were very hurtful!
I question myself if I should be here or not!
 

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There is no harassment at all, if you find out your spouse is lying and let him know that, am not sure this is called harassment!
I have been harassed by his whole family over the years and yet am still here.
Can you expand on what he is lying about? It may help to understand the situation.
 

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If I was harassing him, why would he live with me for the last 20 years? There should be something good about me!
Yes, i totally agree with you. If you were harassing him then he would have left you already.

I would like to know what quarrels do you normally have with him ? I’m sure this could be the major reason.


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Hi All,
We have been married for 20 years and have 2 kids. Have had ups and downs in our marriage, tried and still trying to cope with the situation/issues. My husband today said that he doesn’t feel like having sex with me because I have been harassing him! And what is the harassment? That I tell him he lies a lot and masturbates! I have many reasons why I say so! About telling him that he masturbates, what led me to say so? He barely has sex with me, and I know I might be assuming, might be wrong, but it’s only because he hardly does it even though I have brought it up several times! We do have arguments, many in fact, but am doing what needs to be done, taking care of the house, cooking and even taking care of my Husband. But then, what about me? Who is thinking about me?
And today, today was the limit! Not sure what I should do when my husband tells me he doesn’t feel like having sex with me!
I know he isn’t having an affair or anything.
I am 100% about that. I am in total distress and lost.
Please advise me.
Have you ever denied him sex or not wanted sex with him? That could be a reason he is not interested. My wife is never really interested in sex so I stopped initiating as I have lost interest. Just the other day she mentioned she noticed I don't initiate much any more and I told her I got tired of her saying "No".

So maybe if you have been saying No to him alot lately, that could be a reason.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Can you expand on what he is lying about? It may help to understand the situation.
[/
Have you ever denied him sex or not wanted sex with him? That could be a reason he is not interested. My wife is never really interested in sex so I stopped initiating as I have lost interest. Just the other day she mentioned she noticed I don't initiate much any more and I told her I got tired of her saying "No".

So maybe if you have been saying No to him alot lately, that could be a reason.
Not at all, it’s the other way round, am the one who keeps bringing up the topic about us not spending enough time together and being intimate:(
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Yes, i totally agree with you. If you were harassing him then he would have left you already.

I would like to know what quarrels do you normally have with him ? I’m sure this could be the major reason.


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Usually about not helping me out at all when I need the most help, for example am down with fever and am in bed, he wouldn’t come and check on me or help me out, my kids are the ones who are the most concerned.
Another one is he says he is out for some
work, but is playing Tennis with his friends instead! For me, a lie is a lie, no matter big or small. And we argue about his Family too, he knows they do wrong to me, always agrees but yet argues
 

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Usually about not helping me out at all when I need the most help, for example am down with fever and am in bed, he wouldn’t come and check on me or help me out, my kids are the ones who are the most concerned.
Another one is he says he is out for some
work, but is playing Tennis with his friends instead! For me, a lie is a lie, no matter big or small. And we argue about his Family too, he knows they do wrong to me, always agrees but yet argues
This clearly indicates he doesnt care you at all.

What about the kids ? Do they love him and does he take care of them or spend time on weekly offs ?


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Sounds like he doesn't want to have sex with you any more, for whatever reason. My wife used to say that to me when I brought up sex... "you are hounding me", she used to say. Hounding her? After 2 weeks? :unsure: Good luck with it. Not easy to find a solution.
 

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How long since your husband showed an interest in sex with you?

What age is your husband, and was he showing any signs of struggling with maintaining erections before the sex slowed/stopped?

You say he isn't having an affair, then say that he lies about his whereabouts, and was actually out with friends when he said he was out working.

Ask him, (calmly and when you have uninterrupted time together) if he intends working on a solution with you, and how that would look to him.
Be prepared to hear what problems he has with you, and that you might have work to do on your end.
If he has no interest in resolving this issue, ask him what does he think of the other options on the table, which are divorce, open marriage, counselling.
 

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Over and done is a sure thing when it is clearly stated.
He said so, he acts, so.

If you do not have a good marriage, why continue?

Rather than question what is obvious, prepare for a future without him.
That is, formally, without him.
Presently, you are living with this informally.

Divorce, commence with Chapter Two of your life.



Lilith-
 
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He said this to you yesterday?

Before you hit the panic button why don't you see how it plays out. Just because he said it doesn't mean he'll stick to it. Maybe he was just lashing out to try and hurt you (or to get back at you)?

If he's still sticking to his guns a few weeks from now than you possibly have an issue.

At this juncture it's just words.
 

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I think if he could give up the porn he'd want you again. Porn destroys men and marriage. Would he give up his phone and computer use for you to get clean? Ultimately, porn will destroy a man's sense of self worth and dignity too- so it would be to his benefit to overcome it.
 

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If I was harassing him, why would he live with me for the last 20 years? There should be something good about me!
Yes, i totally agree with you. If you were harassing him then he would have left you already.

I would like to know what quarrels do you normally have with him ? I’m sure this could be the major reason.


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He just left.
 
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