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Hi everyone,

I’m in a bit of an upsetting situation today. I’ll start from the beginning...

I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, married for 5 years. He’s 31, I’m 28 and we have a 3 year old daughter. I would say we are generally happy, although he has PTSD and anxiety/depression and we have had to work through multiple issues stemming from that. He tends to be very untrusting of basically everyone, maybe even borderline paranoid. I have never betrayed his trust or given him a reason to doubt me. I do not have passwords on my devices, we have access to each other’s bank account, etc.

This morning I found out that my husband secretly bought and installed a tracking device on my vehicle months ago. I know this because I had gone out this morning while he was sleeping (he sleeps late and I get up early) to get to-go coffee. I had an intense craving for a certain restaurant in the town next to ours (I’m pregnant) and decided to get take out on a whim. I embarrassingly drove 30 mins one way for this biscuit haha. When I got home my husband asked where I had been, and I didn’t tell him I drove all the way for a biscuit.. just that I went out for a drive and to get coffee. I wasn’t maliciously lying, I guess I just felt silly for driving all that way for a biscuit. He immediately starts interrogating me and accusing me, and then he tells me exactly where I had driven this morning.

I feel really betrayed. He ultimately said it’s “for my safety” and he didn’t tell me because he knows I wouldn’t like the idea. I obviously think that’s ridiculous, I even suggested we both download Life360 months ago so if this were really for safety purposes that would have been an opportunity. We ended up in a huge fight in which he insisted he didn’t do anything wrong, I was the one that lied and I’m turning it all around on him.

I don’t really know how to move forward from this. It feels like a huge breech of trust and honestly, what else has he been watching? Is my phone being tracked, my computer? I’m just really upset.
 

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So, obviously it's NOT for YOUR safety -- its for the "safety" of his mind. You say you have never given him a reason to to doubt you. Try to think WHY HE would have a reason? Is his PTSD or anxiety/depression acting up? Has he ever gone to a counselor for any of that?

Look, jealousy does NOT need a real reason to exist. Jealousy actually TORTURES the person who has it and tends to lead them down rabbit holes to envision a whole TON of bad "what-ifs". Jealousy like this ALSO make the person who is being accused hurt, betrayed, and undeserving because you HAVE NOT done anything wrong.

I think you should TALK (not ARGUE) about this. Try to find out WHAT triggered this jealousy to the point that he put a tracker on your car. SOMETHING must have caused this to trigger. Maybe an overheard conversation that he took out of context (or a text message, or....). COULD just be that he went down a rabbit hole and THAT triggered it.

I think that he WILL need counseling, and perhaps you both could use MC to try and work on communications so that it doesn't devolve into a knock down drag out fight.

SORRY that you are going through this, especially since it is undeserved.
 

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My beloved hubby and I track each other’s phones and get into each other’s emails, phones, and computers because as my spouse I am open with him and include him in every area of my life. What do you care if he tracks your car, your phone or your computer? What do you prefer that he NOT see? Why?

The way I see it, if my beloved hubby looked at my phone or my computer he would probably say, “Look how much time you spent on TAM!”
 

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I would feel betrayed too. I would demand an apology and a promise not to do anything like it again. Were it not forthcoming, I'd be forthgoing.

He probably deserves some understanding due to the PTSD, but understanding isn't the same as excusing it.

EDIT: As you should always do in marriage when angry, I would first ask why this was done. If there was some circumstance I didn't know about or hadn't thought about that would've made a reasonable person suspicious, ok.
 

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I've dated a couple of guys who were controlling; asked got'cha questions and then professed how much they "cared" about my safety. I hope that Webster's has added "to want to control someone" as a new meaning to "care."

If this type of behavior is new, is it possible that he is fooling around with someone else and is trying to find something on you?
 

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He doesn't trust you. Is there any rational reason why he feels this way? IMO, this would be grounds for divorce IF I were innocent of the suspicions and had done nothing to create them. At the very least, it would be grounds for major changes in the relationship dynamic if we agreed to stay together.
 
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Whoa, this is next level and completely NOT ok!

My husband and I have the Life360 on our phones too, so we can see each other and my Mum who has it as well. I like the fact that my husband can see where I am, I have no issue with this and vice versa. But if he put a tracking device on the car and didn't tell me, I would lose it completely. That is just so damn wrong.

PTSD is no excuse for this btw.
 

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My beloved hubby and I track each other’s phones and get into each other’s emails, phones, and computers because as my spouse I am open with him and include him in every area of my life. What do you care if he tracks your car, your phone or your computer? What do you prefer that he NOT see? Why?

The way I see it, if my beloved hubby looked at my phone or my computer he would probably say, “Look how much time you spent on TAM!”
I think the issue is not the tracking in and of itself, given that she was willing to get the life 360 with him. It's the fact that he went behind her back to do this.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk
 

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Hi everyone,

I’m in a bit of an upsetting situation today. I’ll start from the beginning...

I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, married for 5 years. He’s 31, I’m 28 and we have a 3 year old daughter. I would say we are generally happy, although he has PTSD and anxiety/depression and we have had to work through multiple issues stemming from that. He tends to be very untrusting of basically everyone, maybe even borderline paranoid. I have never betrayed his trust or given him a reason to doubt me. I do not have passwords on my devices, we have access to each other’s bank account, etc.

This morning I found out that my husband secretly bought and installed a tracking device on my vehicle months ago. I know this because I had gone out this morning while he was sleeping (he sleeps late and I get up early) to get to-go coffee. I had an intense craving for a certain restaurant in the town next to ours (I’m pregnant) and decided to get take out on a whim. I embarrassingly drove 30 mins one way for this biscuit haha. When I got home my husband asked where I had been, and I didn’t tell him I drove all the way for a biscuit.. just that I went out for a drive and to get coffee. I wasn’t maliciously lying, I guess I just felt silly for driving all that way for a biscuit. He immediately starts interrogating me and accusing me, and then he tells me exactly where I had driven this morning.

I feel really betrayed. He ultimately said it’s “for my safety” and he didn’t tell me because he knows I wouldn’t like the idea. I obviously think that’s ridiculous, I even suggested we both download Life360 months ago so if this were really for safety purposes that would have been an opportunity. We ended up in a huge fight in which he insisted he didn’t do anything wrong, I was the one that lied and I’m turning it all around on him.

I don’t really know how to move forward from this. It feels like a huge breech of trust and honestly, what else has he been watching? Is my phone being tracked, my computer? I’m just really upset.
Well, people on this site are always advising spouses to get tracking devices and to put voice activated recorders on their mate's vehicles.
This advice is always given when a spouse suspects their mate is having an affair and lying to them.
I guess your mate suspects you of being unfaithful.
I do not know if you are or are not or if you are crossing the borders of relationship boundaries by going out on a lot of drinking girls nights or having lunches and dinners with men.
You two have to work this out.
If you are unfaithful just divorce.
If not talk to him and work it out. If you wild with lots of male friends and party like lifestyle....real it in.
If not talk to him.
 

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My husband and I have the Life360 on our phones too, so we can see each other and my Mum who has it as well. I like the fact that my husband can see where I am, I have no issue with this and vice versa. But if he put a tracking device on the car and didn't tell me, I would lose it completely. That is just so damn wrong.
I'm with you. Wife and I have Life360 on our phones and complete access to each others phones, computer and tablet passwords, etc. Nothing like total trust to make a marriage peaceful. But if something would be done under the table, there would be an all out war.
 

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I'm with you. Wife and I have Life360 on our phones and complete access to each others phones, computer and tablet passwords, etc. Nothing like total trust to make a marriage peaceful. But if something would be done under the table, there would be an all out war.
Yep. The reason we originally downloaded it is because I asked my husband to. I was doing my first interstate drive on my own, and was a bit nervous. I wanted him to be able to see where I was. I found it comforting when he'd call me for a chat and he could see exactly where I was. It was never about mistrust.

But yeah, neither of us would be ok about the other putting a tracking device on the car, that's extreme.
 

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Why wouldn’t he tell you he was putting it on your car? Maybe you both need to set boundaries and work on being honest and upfront with each other.

if his ptsd is that bad and you haven’t done anything untrustworthy then he needs counseling with a trauma therapist every week for at least a year!
 

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Are you sure he didn't just use the phone app to know where you got your biscuit?
 

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This stress and suspicion is going to do very serious DAMAGE to your daughter and the expected baby! The basic issue is trust and happiness which is apparently missing there and that will seriously harm your kids. I am from a broken home so this parental animosity is very familiar to me. I can only suggest marrital counseling ASAP FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CHILDREN. They are the ones being wounded and hurt by all this insecurity. Parents should be and need to be FRIENDS - not suspicious, unhappy ENEMIES. FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR KIDS, go get some help!
 

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I think you need to try and have a conversation (not argument) with him about why he put a tracking device in your car WITHOUT your knowledge. If it were for your safety he should have just told you he was doing it.

The fact you lied about where you went probably hasn't helped matters and even though it may be a "white lie", to someone with PTSD it will have no doubt caused him a lot of distress and paranoia. I am NOT saying this excuses what he said/did but if you put yourself in his position then you wouldn't be too pleased if he lied to you, even if it were only a "white lie".
 

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I wasn’t maliciously lying, I guess I just felt silly for driving all that way for a biscuit. He immediately starts interrogating me and accusing me, and then he tells me exactly where I had driven this morning.

I feel really betrayed. He ultimately said it’s “for my safety” and he didn’t tell me because he knows I wouldn’t like the idea. I obviously think that’s ridiculous, I even suggested we both download Life360 months ago so if this were really for safety purposes that would have been an opportunity. We ended up in a huge fight in which he insisted he didn’t do anything wrong, I was the one that lied and I’m turning it all around on him.

I don’t really know how to move forward from this. It feels like a huge breech of trust and honestly, what else has he been watching? Is my phone being tracked, my computer? I’m just really upset.
He feels just as betrayed as you.
Lying is a betray also.

Can either work it out together or each try the betrayal game.
 
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