[lexisummer]

I have been married for 3 years now and my husband picks certain weekends with his friends to go out wether it be a birthday or random event. They go to the bars and drink and my husband shows up home past 2:30am. I am getting tired of it. He always tells me he will be home early before 12:00am but that never happens. I can't go every weekend out with him because its tiring and I dont like drinking a lot. I have tried everything from yelling, getting angry and threatening divorce. He is causing me a lot of tears and heartache and I am so tired of it. I am very unhappy in this marriage and I am really planning to get a divorce. Last night was my last straw when he came home at 2:30am again.
He does drink all night and comes home with a buzz. Not sure what to do and I am not sure if its even worth saving the marriage anymore. Yes, I believe he has a drinking problem especially when he goes out. He doesnt drink at home, but when he is out in social settings he is drinking a lot and gets buzzed. Thank God we dont have any kids or else this would be harder. I am wondering should I leave now before its too late?
All the memories from this marriage is bad ones, no good ones. Staying up late waiting for him to come home is so stressfull for me. Anyone have any other advise? I am planning to get a divorce lawyer soon.

 

[IrishGirlVA]

I just moved out after living with my binge drinker boyfriend after 3 months. 3 months was all I can take of him saying he'd be home early but not coming back until 2am, 3am or even the next day. I stayed up all night worried about him, pissed off at him, pissed off at myself for putting up with it, etc. And I was sad too. When he'd come home he'd find me sleeping in the guest room. I had to resort to that when talking about it, fighting about it and me threatening to leave didn't work. I moved out almost 2 months ago and I cannot even begin to express how FREEING it is to have gotten out of that environment that was making me emotionally and physically sick. I no longer have to be subjected to his lying, drinking and disrespect.

Because this IS disrespect! The only consequences your husband has to pay is you being mad at him the next day. Or you threatening divorce but not really going through with it. I think it's time for his wake up call. See a divorce lawyer. It doesn't mean you have to go through with it but he needs to see that you are serious this time. Of course, two things will happen.

1) He will realize he's been a jerk and will cut back on the boy's night and spend time with his lovely wife

or

2) He will be relieved that he'll no longer have to deal with the wrath when he comes home at 2:30 in the morning.

For me, my bf continued doing his thing. Binge drinking on the weekends. Either by himself or with a friend. It wasn't until the last week or so has he "promised" to stop. But for me it was too little too late. I heard that song and dance before and he never followed through.

And yes -- thank god you two do not have children.

 

[CallaLily]

Don't go any further with him. As in if you don't have kids with him, do NOT bring one into the situation. If you feel getting out of it is for the best do so. Its possible he has drinking issue, and even if he doesn't, you're not priority right now, which says a lot.

 

[CandieGirl]

I dumped my binge drinking drug using alkie BF when I was 23; he used to spend all the money and disappear for days on end. We had 2 small kids and I threw him out anyway, even though I had no job at the time. Best thing I ever did. He's still the same; just older and more pathetic.

 

[Liam]

Was he like this before you married him? If so, it might have been difficult for him to adjust to staying home each weekend. Not making excuses for him, just saying. Maybe you just assumed he would change when you got married(as plenty of people do), but the reality is slightly different.

You have every right to be angry and frustrated, but the entire situation sounds quite negative and volatile. He goes out....you get mad him.....he goes out the next weekend....you get mad at him etc etc. Maybe you can try something different(if you haven't already). For example, booking a table at a nice restaurant and going out for dinner together. Or inviting some friends over for dinner.

He is disrespecting your wishes by continually going out each weekend and drinking heavily, but I'm wondering if there is a 'rebellion' element to it for him. Also, I don't know the factors that make him feel the need to go out and make him drink so much. Is he just that kind of guy? A party guy? Or is he stressed at work and likes to let loose?

If you can manage it, I think you need to try and calmly explain to him how unhappy with this situation you are. So much so, that are even considering filing for divorce.

Really sorry you are going through this and I hope things get better

 

[lexisummer]

Before marriage he used to go out with his friends every weekend and drinking was involved.
Once we got married he realized after about 6 months that I didn't like him going out like that. So now he reduces his outings to about 2 weekends per month or less.
Its just that when he gets the freedom he goes all out and loves to party like he is in college. He was never deprived of this in college as he went out every day!
I thought it would get better and change after marriage but he still has the "party mode" in him.
I really had a serious discussion with hime yesterday. Instead of threatening him with divorce I really told him I was going to find a divorce lawyer. I already had one picked out.
We came to a compromise and decided that he and I would go out together and he would cut down his alone time with friends. He complained that I dont like staying out late so that is why
he goes alone with his friends. Its hard for me to stay out late. He and I are both in our late 20's and partying is tiring.
He agrees to come home at 12:00am if he is with friends. I am going to keep him accountable to this. If he causes me heartache again I will move on.
This has been a hard emotional weekend for me. It really made me mentally and physically sick. Im glad we had a resolution but he is accountable for his actions.
I appreciate everyones response and help! I think to avoid situations like this I will plan more outings which will keep him more occupied with me! I tend to be a homebody and he loves to be out! Thanks for the tips!
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[lexisummer]

Don't go any further with him. As in if you don't have kids with him, do NOT bring one into the situation. If you feel getting out of it is for the best do so. Its possible he has drinking issue, and even if he doesn't, you're not priority right now, which says a lot.

Funny you mentioned that because I was planning to stop birth control pills thinking we were ready for a family. I restarted them back yesterday after this whole emotional crazy weekend! He says he's ready for kids and he tells me he likes to party before children come so that he can get it out of his system. Ridiculous answer!
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[southern wife]

Not a good answer at all. He needs to stop this behavior NOW and prove to you that he's over this "partying" stage. But it seems that he's not. The best thing to do is either kick him out, or move yourself out. Get away from him, and show him you mean business. Words are not enough in these types of situations. Actions speak louder than words. He'll either change knowing he'll lose you if he doesn't, or he won't even care. But at least you'll have your answer. I wish you the best.

 

[CandieGirl]

Yes it is a ridiculous answer. Having children did nothing to cure my guy of party-fever. In fact, he disappeared even more often, after they came along. Pfff.!

 

[southern wife]

Yes it is a ridiculous answer. Having children did nothing to cure my guy of party-fever. In fact, he disappeared even more often, after they came along. Pfff.!

:iagree: They see that babies are hard work, and hanging at the bar and drinking is alot more fun and stress free. DON'T HAVE KIDS WITH THIS MAN! You'll be raising them alone, and it's not easy!

 

[Liam]

It sounds like you are handling this the right way and have a plan if he doesn't stick to his side of the bargain. I absolutely agree with you, CandieGirl and southern wife that his 'get it out of my system now before kids' answer is ridiculous!

 

[MrK]

What kinds of places does he go to? Sports bars? Night clubs? Do they just drink in someone's living room?

 

[Ryan33]

Am I the only one that doesn't see anything wrong with going out once or twice a month for drinks?

Does marriage mean you're not allowed to go out by yourself anymore? So he stays out until 2:30 once or twice a week, it's not like he's not coming home.

 

[indiecat]

He's not mature enough to have a family if he can't stick to your agreement. You did the right thing by taking a firm stand.

 

[CandieGirl]

Am I the only one that doesn't see anything wrong with going out once or twice a month for drinks?

Does marriage mean you're not allowed to go out by yourself anymore? So he stays out until 2:30 once or twice a week, it's not like he's not coming home.

...yet...

 

[Jellybeans]

How often does this happeN?



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[synthetic]

Sorry but I see little wrong with your husband going out with his friends on weekends.

Just because you're not into having fun, it doesn't mean he should be forced to self-neglect.

He goes out on some weekends and doesn't come back till late. So freaking what?!! If you miss him that much, then go with him. If you just want to put a curfew on him, then good luck! He's not your dog.

If you know where he is, what he is doing and who he's with, I have no idea why you'd want to keep him away from fun? Do you have a more exciting alternative available for him?

And 2:30AM on a weekend is not that late. What are you? 80?

I have tried everything from yelling, getting angry and threatening divorce.

I wonder why you haven't gotten anywhere with him!

 

[Ryan33]

...yet...

Oh okay, so let's end the marriage based on the fact he hasn't stayed out all night... yet.

Sorry but I see little wrong with your husband going out with his friends on weekends.

Just because you're not into having fun, it doesn't mean he should be forced to self-neglect.

He goes out on some weekends and doesn't come back till late. So freaking what?!! If you miss him that much, then go with him. If you just want to put a curfew on him, then good luck! He's not your dog.

If you know where he is, what he is doing and who he's with, I have no idea why you'd want to keep him away from fun? Do you have a more exciting alternative available for him?

And 2:30AM on a weekend is not that late. What are you? 80?

I wonder why you haven't gotten anywhere with him!

Thank god I'm not alone on this. Boggles my mind people are making him the bad guy for going out every few weeks, and doesn't come home at midnight.

"Sorry guys, gotta go, have to go home and watch my wife sleep."

If this was happening 2-3 times a week, okay. I don't even think there's anything wrong with once a week. And this guy doesn't even do that, sounds like one, maybe two times a month. And as above, 2:30 is not late, nor is it binge drinking.

 

[MrK]

weekends with his friends to go out wether it be a birthday or random event. ...I can't go every weekend out with him because its tiring and I dont like drinking a lot...He does drink all night and comes home with a buzz. .

To all of you telling her to either go with him or shut up: Does THAT look like she's really welcome on these events?

I'd still like to know where he goes to drink. Sports bars and/or his friends man-caves, OK. If he's clubbing at meat markets, you've got SERIOUS issues. Unless he likes to dance with his guy friends all night.

 

[synthetic]

To all of you telling her to either go with him or shut up: Does THAT look like she's really welcome on these events?

Read:

I can't go every weekend out with him because its tiring and I dont like drinking a lot