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A few months ago, I started to notice that my husband only shows intimate gestures towards me when he wants sex.

When he is not in the mood for sex, he does not pay attention to the things I say. If I wanted to have a conversation with him about any topic, he can't talk because he is too busy playing games on his phone or consuming funny videos on social media.

When he's in the mood for sex, he cuddles me, touches my boobs, kisses my neck and does not turn his back on me when laying on the bed. He is more attentive to what I say and can hold a conversation.

Things have changed a lot from the time when we weren't married yet. He doesn't even take the time to plan how we are going to spend our anniversaries. We haven't gone on a date to celebrate our anniversary...ever! We're married for 7 years now. We have a child.

I finally opened up to him about this as I felt like I am being used. He was offended and told me he wouldn't initiate sex with me anymore. A month has passed and he has not really asked me to have sex.

What to do? I don't want to initiate sex neither. I'd rather masturbate.
 

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You don't want to initiate.

He's not initiating.

Are you very young?

This issue won't improve in a vacuum, but if you don't want sex with him anymore you may as well divorce and find someone that does light your fire.
 
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You don't want to initiate.

He's not initiating.

Are you very young?

This issue won't improve in a vacuum, but if you don't want sex with him anymore you may as well divorce and find someone that does light your fire.
I would guess she wants sex but she wants the rest of her husband too, more of the time. :)
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This is the female version of "my wife only wants cuddles, not sex".

Truthfully, I think many men do this inadvertently sometimes, and/or many women feel this way from time to time. Obviously the issue is that, in this case, it's ALL the time.

It's probably simpler than you think to stop this pattern. Communication. Simply tell your husband that your need for non-sexual contact (ie. cuddling, etc.) is on-par with his need for sexual contact.

Given his reaction, I'm guessing you essentially told him something along the lines of "you only touch me when you want sex" or "you only ever want sex", thus his reaction of "fine, I won't try to have sex with you any more". Now you're both at the same impasse, neither of you getting what you need from the other.

Not your fault, of course - his reaction is immature and rather selfish. However, proper wording may go a long way to changing his view on this subject.

Like I said, make him understand your need for non-sexual contact is the same as his need for sexual contact. If he doesn't understand, or "get" it, then you may be stuck, but I think you'd be surprised.

On the other hand, we men are, admittedly, fairly easy to manipulate when it comes to sex...

Some people (of either gender) tend to require emotional foreplay, which ramps up the sexual desire. Some people require sexual foreplay to ramp up the emotional desire. It seems as though you are the former and your husband is the latter.

Therefore, a possible solution is for each of you to compromise with each other, which will result in both of you having your needs met.

For example, you can show him sexual desire (ie. touch him, grab him, jump on him), and he can show you non-sexual desire (ie. cuddling, holding hands, spooning).

The upside for both of you is that there's a high probability that this will increase his desire to be close to you in a non-sexual way and increase your desire to be close to him in a sexual way.

As each of you are responsible for meeting the others relationship needs, it requires effort on both parts and compromise.

In other words: the more you show purely sexual interest in him, the more he will be interested in simply emotional, non-sexual time with you. The more he meets your needs, the more you will be interested in being sexual with him. Know what I mean?
 

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The man has not been interested in sex for a month? His feelings are really hurt that you think he was using you. Maybe he's mulling over your complaints that he ignores you until he's interested. Whatever his excuse is, his behavior is immature and not conducive to a happy marriage. Break the ice and ask him if he wants to go to marriage counseling or individual counseling.
 

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Gee sounds familiar. Mine has no interest in me at all. I can try to talk to him and he doesn't hear me or hes on his phone all the time. But when he wants sex I need to snap to it! But he shows me nothing in terms of anything else or any other form of intimacy.
 

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I also fell into this routine. Wife said exactly the same to me.
Now I purposely show affection the day AFTER sex, and right up until we have sex again.
I think what happens is a drastic loss of testosterone right after sex. For me it usually lasts a couple days. The moment I cum, the thought of sex and anything sexual leaves my mind as fast as you can imagine.

I really wish this was not the case. However, I understand my wife and try to do my best in this regard. I can tell she appreciates it, or at least she never says the dreaded "you only want to touch me when you want sex."
 

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What to do? I don't want to initiate sex neither. I'd rather masturbate.
Him refusing to initiate is a passive aggressive temper tantrum, and he will eventually get over it. I would also say that you NOT wanting to initiate sex in favor of just masturbating seems like a passive aggressive tantrum as well.

There are two ways out of this downhill spiral. One is "just do it" to get some sexual healing and the other is "take a break from sex" to take a moment to reconnect as friends. BOTH of those involve being patient and forgiving with one another.

Yes, you feel the way you feel and he needs to respect that. But at the same time men have hormonal cycles as well (particularly post orgasmic) that change our behavior so we do not have nonstop sex all day long and kill ourselves. So your husband feels the way he feels and you have to respect that as well.

So that leaves you with:

• patience
• forgiveness
• respect

...is what you BOTH need to focus on in order to reconnect.

If you are going to have to throw a tempter tantrums, take out your frustrations in the form of kinky sex, and punish him a little! Initiate sex, get his all aroused, tell him he can't have an orgasm until he learns to be nice, and then just walk away!

Cheers,
Badsanta
 

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I'd hazard a guess that this has been building for some time - like years, with a lot of misunderstandings on both sides.

I'm sure you're observation was 100% correct, he probably doesn't show you much of anything until he wants sex.

How did he get there though? Where is your husband on you list of priorities? I bet he is not at the top which is understandable with a baby involved but never the less...

As far as not planning for your anniversary goes, this is a perfect example of misunderstanding each other. This is generally not a guy thing, the date and the event can be fairly meaningless to us. Do not look at his failure to place any importance on this through the lens of the importance you place on it. That's not fair.
 

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Good evening
This may be off base, but think about it:
This is an easy trap to fall into. Let me guess that his has a higher level of desire for sex than you do. So he is almost always wanting sex, always hungry. Touches and causal intimacy remind him of his desire for sex, so he can't enjoy them. Imagine telling a very hungry person that you want to go to a chocolate shop just to look and smell, but not eat.

This is the situation I was in for many years.

If you are willing, try having sex frequently. Don't let him be selfish - the sex should very much be mutual, but go a couple of weeks with him getting all the sex he wants. He may then find that he enjoys non-sexual intimacy as well. That may make you enjoy sexual intimacy more as well.


Now if he is a selfish lover when you do have sex, that is a different matter.
 

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I really wish this was not the case. However, I understand my wife and try to do my best in this regard. I can tell she appreciates it, or at least she never says the dreaded "you only want to touch me when you want sex."
I guess I do things a little differently. When I want my partner's attention, I seek it. Now, if I am rejected then, we have problems. Rejection sucks and too much of it causes rightful resentment. Touch is my primary love language and hence the resentment issue if rejection occurs too often.

To me sex and intimacy go hand in hand. I agree with Ump. Mr. B, shows affection after sex as a way to build up for next time. I don't iniciate with him hardly ever. I did almost every time with husband of 21 years. It's all about communicating your needs until you reach a happy compromise.
 

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Good evening
This may be off base, but think about it:
This is an easy trap to fall into. Let me guess that his has a higher level of desire for sex than you do. So he is almost always wanting sex, always hungry. Touches and causal intimacy remind him of his desire for sex, so he can't enjoy them. Imagine telling a very hungry person that you want to go to a chocolate shop just to look and smell, but not eat.

This is the situation I was in for many years.

If you are willing, try having sex frequently. Don't let him be selfish - the sex should very much be mutual, but go a couple of weeks with him getting all the sex he wants. He may then find that he enjoys non-sexual intimacy as well. That may make you enjoy sexual intimacy more as well.


Now if he is a selfish lover when you do have sex, that is a different matter.
Good evening
This may be off base, but think about it:
This is an easy trap to fall into. Let me guess that his has a higher level of desire for sex than you do. So he is almost always wanting sex, always hungry. Touches and causal intimacy remind him of his desire for sex, so he can't enjoy them. Imagine telling a very hungry person that you want to go to a chocolate shop just to look and smell, but not eat.

This is the situation I was in for many years.

If you are willing, try having sex frequently. Don't let him be selfish - the sex should very much be mutual, but go a couple of weeks with him getting all the sex he wants. He may then find that he enjoys non-sexual intimacy as well. That may make you enjoy sexual intimacy more as well.


Now if he is a selfish lover when you do have sex, that is a different matter.
This is a great reply. Being in a similar situation, I will just add that the line between sex and intimacy must blur.

My current problem is that I see sex as being very closely related to intimacy. My wife sees intimacy as everything short of sex. If I'm planing intimacy, then I'm planning sex. In her case, it's the opposite. The two are incompatible. The line must be blurred.
 

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Possible reasons I would pay attention to my SO only when I wanted sex:

  • I am rejected often enough, and have been for long enough, that I think "I'm not getting my needs met. Why am I bothering with yours?"
  • You're an unpleasant person. I only go to you, for anything, when I really need to. (Hey, at least I'm not cheating... yet.)
  • You've become boring. No, really. Boring. Seconds become minutes, minutes become hours when I try to talk to you.
  • You're a trophy wife. I never married you for your personality.
  • Hey, remember the last time you asked about my day and it wasn't an obvious ploy where you cut me off and then spent the next hour talking about your day? Yeah, neither do I. If you don't listen to me, why should I listen to you?
  • I am a self-centered prick. (I think this would bleed out into all aspects of our relationship.)
  • You're a self-centered prick. It does bleed out into all aspects of our relationship, but you don't see it.
  • I'm having an affair. I've loyalty-shifted to my AP and only hit on you so that you won't suspect me.

This is a NEUTRAL list. I'm NOT claiming that any of the items on the list apply to your situation. I'm just spitballing ideas.
 

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Looking at your posting history, I'm going to guess that this is a control issue, on both sides of the fence.

Tons, tons, TONS of guessing here:

You seem like you're very... I won't say controlling, but how about rigorous in your interactions with him. Why? Because you two have shared assets, own a business, and he's been borking up by the numbers. If my spouse FUBARed the inventory and my business closed it's doors for two months, I know that I'd show a certain amount of rigor in dealings with her.

So he's the guy that borks things up, tries to hide his neglect, and you're the one that has to needle him to extract the necessary information to keep your business afloat.

In his view, whenever you enter the room, The Law has just entered the room. He's thinking about what he borked that you haven't discovered and doesn't want to slip up.

If you want to go back to being husband and wife, he needs a new boss. Preferably one that will fire his ass and force him to get a job not related to your business.
 

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I'm not saying this is what is happening, but I had this exact conversation with my wife the other day about one of her friends.

Her friend is complaining that his husband never cuddles with her, shows her affection, PDAs, etc.

And they also have sex MAYBE once a month.

And when we were discussing this, my wife said to me, why can't things always be like when we were dating? My response was -- when we were dating, we were having sex probably 10 or more times a week, of course we were always cuddling.

And for her, we were always having sex because we were always cuddling.

My advice to her friend was to initiate a lot of sex and then to cuddle with him.

My advice to her friend's husband was to cuddle with his wife without expectations.
 

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One thing that worked for me was scheduling sex. No matter what I did, my wife assumed that I was only saying or doing something for sex. By setting up a once a week schedule, I could say or do something for my wife, and she could accept it for what it was.

Example - sex on weekend, mid week while at home depot check out line, I leaned in, kissed her and told her she was cute. Later, while I was up on ladder installing drywall, she steps out of bathroom after a shower naked & told me to get my butt into the bedroom!

After we were finished, I asked what had prompted her to do that. She said the public display of affection when she knew that sex wasn't on the schedule allowed her to receive my compliment for what it was, a compliment.

Maybe jump hubby's bones, then the following morning over coffee ask him to work out a schedule for sex AND that both of you will have lots of snuggle time where sex is not the expected outcome.
 

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My current problem is that I see sex as being very closely related to intimacy. My wife sees intimacy as everything short of sex. If I'm planing intimacy, then I'm planning sex. In her case, it's the opposite. The two are incompatible. The line must be blurred.
This^

This is what I hinted at in my post, and what others have outright said in their replies. I like the way lessthennone put it though, very simply.

I think this is a very common roadblock that many couples face, and on the surface, each blames the other. "All s/he wants is sex". "All s/he wants is to cuddle".

As a 40 year old male, I can tell you that my sexual interest in my wife is FAR less about getting off and much, much more about the intimacy and closeness. If I wanted to simply get off, there are other avenues for that.

The irony in my situation is that my wife actually separates sex and intimacy. For her, it IS about getting off. Usually you see this more in men than in women, but we don't corner the market, either. Unfortunately, her need to get off isn't nearly as strong as my need for intimacy, so we're rather far apart.

But I digress - OP, it's reasonable to assume that your husband is interested in sex with you for primarily emotional/intimacy reasons, and not just getting off. He may not be, of course, but the odds are good that that's it.

The sheer fact that he hasn't touched you in over a month seems to indicate that. If it was purely about getting off, he would have caved by now. Instead, he's likely taking care of those needs on his own, and otherwise feeling rather rejected emotionally as he believes his wife has no interest in meeting his intimacy needs.

Unfortunately, that leaves the door wide open for somebody to take that place.

Think of it this way: if my wife was really touch-feely, cuddly, always wanted to be next to me, holding my hand, holding me, etc. and I straight-up told her "All you want to do is hold me or touch me" (ie. you're too clingy), how do you think she'd react? With total rejection, that's how.

The real root of the issue is far too many people separate sex from everything else, including intimacy, and that it's (especially for men) only about getting off, and only for special occasions, or only to be done once a week (or month).

Imagine if everybody out there had the same mindset about kissing or hugging their spouse, or holding their hand, or sitting with each other on the couch. That those sorts of things were only to be done one in a while, or even that much thought was required before doing them? Imagine if my wife reached for my hand, and I pulled away, saying "I held your hand yesterday!", or if she snuggled up to me on the couch and I told her I wasn't in the mood and moved to the chair.

This is what so many married people do to their spouses without a second thought when it comes to sex. It makes people feel rejected by the person they love, and not only that, it makes them feel bad in the process. You shouldn't be made to feel bad for wanting to be intimate with your spouse, and to me, sex within a marriage shouldn't be a gift one person gives to the other. It's a gift to be shared. As soon as it becomes a tool or a bargaining chip, it's lost much of its meaning. It should be just as natural as a peck on the cheek, holding hands, or hugging.

*ETA - I think the mindset is a carry-over from the dating years, when it very well could be that one person was really only interested in sex, or a regular sex partner. I think we've all probably dated people that we knew we weren't going to marry, but it would be fun while it lasted, right? So in these situations, yes, one (or both) parties really could be only interested in sex.

But marriage is different. Marriage is not dating, it's not seeing what's out there, playing the field, practicing, whatever you want to call it. One doesn't tend to marry somebody simply for the luxury of having a regular sex partner. But one can certainly date somebody for that reason.

My wife had experiences like that while dating, and they're relatively easy to snuff out. If every single time she saw a boyfriend, he tried to have sex with her, then it becomes clear that's all he's after. Duh. Boyfriend gone. (by the way, this isn't exclusively a female problem).
 

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reading your other posts, your husband seems blah. Needless to say, he puts in the same amount of energy he does into the business as he does into his relationship with you. He is not engage unless sex is involved and he has a business he breaks even on without any more effort to grow or sell to work a job that does bring home income.

He neglects the relationship until sex is involved, and he even got lazier because what effort he at least use to put in, it declined even further.

I would seriously consider selling the business and returning the money back to your parents, he really is not putting it to use to make it go anywhere.

Why did you decide to open up the business, was it to support him for something he wanted to do?

Are you still working two jobs? Did you ever open up your own back account? Is he still trying to control the finances? Are you looking over the accounts on the business end?

Do you want things to work out, or do you want to find out if things can work out? There is a difference. You can spend years working on the marriage and he may never change, or not change until you are completely detached. People have a comfort level of doing the same crap until a crisis event occurs, perhaps you leaving him.

Either way, work on your own issues, and control what you can, yourself. If things are not what you want in a relationship, then leave him. It is not his job to meet your needs, rather you find someone who can if he chooses not to. Divorce first of course. Relationship are choices, and staying with him, you also choose to be unfulfilled. You do not owe him your life, it is your choice on who to expend your life on and it is your job to judge if it is worth it or not.

Be honestt with him, and if he fails to heed your words, then that is on him. He is in his own little world, behind his own belief that marriage is a lifetime thing, which he may feel safe to neglect.
 

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A few months ago, I started to notice that my husband only shows intimate gestures towards me when he wants sex.

When he is not in the mood for sex, he does not pay attention to the things I say. If I wanted to have a conversation with him about any topic, he can't talk because he is too busy playing games on his phone or consuming funny videos on social media.

When he's in the mood for sex, he cuddles me, touches my boobs, kisses my neck and does not turn his back on me when laying on the bed. He is more attentive to what I say and can hold a conversation.

Things have changed a lot from the time when we weren't married yet. He doesn't even take the time to plan how we are going to spend our anniversaries. We haven't gone on a date to celebrate our anniversary...ever! We're married for 7 years now. We have a child.

I finally opened up to him about this as I felt like I am being used. He was offended and told me he wouldn't initiate sex with me anymore. A month has passed and he has not really asked me to have sex.

What to do? I don't want to initiate sex neither. I'd rather masturbate.
@macey8 I can definitely relate to this topic, my wife has said that "I only show affection around sex"; meaning the most affection happens before we have sex and carries on after we have sex but then the more time has gone by without having sex I tend to get less affectionate; or less affectionate for her standards, I still feel that I'm being affectionate.

So just being someone who has experienced this first hand and maybe giving some insight into what your husband is feeling/thinking, I had the same reaction your husband had. I stopped initiating sex and also stopped showing affection until the times I would have a moment of weakness and I would initiate sex. I know in her head she was probably thinking the same old thing saying he only shows intimacy when he wants sex. I hated myself afterwards because this didn't help the situation and it would just make the situation more confusing.

Just like your husband I would shutdown and watch TV, go on the computer, be on my phone, etc. all things to avoid being affectionate it with her. The reason being is I was just building resentment towards her partially because of what she said to me, the fact that I always had to initiate sex, and that I never felt desired by her sexually.

So based on my readings on this forum, I said to myself you know what, I'm going to shower her with affection, leave love notes, tell her how much I loved her, plan nice nights out, etc. taking sex out of the equation. I would do all these things thinking to myself okay now she will see that I don't just show her affection when I want to have sex but I'm making a conscious effort to meet her needs.

This strategy ended up backfiring on me because what happened is I just kept on meeting her needs and in the back of my mind I was like okay maybe she would step out of her comfort zone and start initiating sex more or at least give me solid queues that it's sex time vs cuddle time but that day never came; so what ended up happening is I started to resent her again and I would go back to TV, PC, Phone mode.

I don't know the ins/outs of your relationship but my biggest issue was just wanting to be wanted/desired sexually by my wife, and her biggest issue was just being wanted affectionately by me. So when I stepped out of my comfort zone to shower her with affection and put her priorities/needs first; when she didn't see the need to do this for me it just ended up hurting me and made me feel like I was not a priority to her, or actually my needs were not a priority to her, which in turn made me just start pushing her away.


This is the female version of "my wife only wants cuddles, not sex".

Truthfully, I think many men do this inadvertently sometimes, and/or many women feel this way from time to time. Obviously the issue is that, in this case, it's ALL the time.

It's probably simpler than you think to stop this pattern. Communication. Simply tell your husband that your need for non-sexual contact (ie. cuddling, etc.) is on-par with his need for sexual contact.

Given his reaction, I'm guessing you essentially told him something along the lines of "you only touch me when you want sex" or "you only ever want sex", thus his reaction of "fine, I won't try to have sex with you any more". Now you're both at the same impasse, neither of you getting what you need from the other.

Not your fault, of course - his reaction is immature and rather selfish. However, proper wording may go a long way to changing his view on this subject.

Like I said, make him understand your need for non-sexual contact is the same as his need for sexual contact. If he doesn't understand, or "get" it, then you may be stuck, but I think you'd be surprised.

On the other hand, we men are, admittedly, fairly easy to manipulate when it comes to sex...

Some people (of either gender) tend to require emotional foreplay, which ramps up the sexual desire. Some people require sexual foreplay to ramp up the emotional desire. It seems as though you are the former and your husband is the latter.

Therefore, a possible solution is for each of you to compromise with each other, which will result in both of you having your needs met.

For example, you can show him sexual desire (ie. touch him, grab him, jump on him), and he can show you non-sexual desire (ie. cuddling, holding hands, spooning).

The upside for both of you is that there's a high probability that this will increase his desire to be close to you in a non-sexual way and increase your desire to be close to him in a sexual way.

As each of you are responsible for meeting the others relationship needs, it requires effort on both parts and compromise.

In other words: the more you show purely sexual interest in him, the more he will be interested in simply emotional, non-sexual time with you. The more he meets your needs, the more you will be interested in being sexual with him. Know what I mean?
This^

This is what I hinted at in my post, and what others have outright said in their replies. I like the way lessthennone put it though, very simply.

I think this is a very common roadblock that many couples face, and on the surface, each blames the other. "All s/he wants is sex". "All s/he wants is to cuddle".

As a 40 year old male, I can tell you that my sexual interest in my wife is FAR less about getting off and much, much more about the intimacy and closeness. If I wanted to simply get off, there are other avenues for that.

The irony in my situation is that my wife actually separates sex and intimacy. For her, it IS about getting off. Usually you see this more in men than in women, but we don't corner the market, either. Unfortunately, her need to get off isn't nearly as strong as my need for intimacy, so we're rather far apart.

But I digress - OP, it's reasonable to assume that your husband is interested in sex with you for primarily emotional/intimacy reasons, and not just getting off. He may not be, of course, but the odds are good that that's it.

The sheer fact that he hasn't touched you in over a month seems to indicate that. If it was purely about getting off, he would have caved by now. Instead, he's likely taking care of those needs on his own, and otherwise feeling rather rejected emotionally as he believes his wife has no interest in meeting his intimacy needs.

Unfortunately, that leaves the door wide open for somebody to take that place.

Think of it this way: if my wife was really touch-feely, cuddly, always wanted to be next to me, holding my hand, holding me, etc. and I straight-up told her "All you want to do is hold me or touch me" (ie. you're too clingy), how do you think she'd react? With total rejection, that's how.

The real root of the issue is far too many people separate sex from everything else, including intimacy, and that it's (especially for men) only about getting off, and only for special occasions, or only to be done once a week (or month).

Imagine if everybody out there had the same mindset about kissing or hugging their spouse, or holding their hand, or sitting with each other on the couch. That those sorts of things were only to be done one in a while, or even that much thought was required before doing them? Imagine if my wife reached for my hand, and I pulled away, saying "I held your hand yesterday!", or if she snuggled up to me on the couch and I told her I wasn't in the mood and moved to the chair.

This is what so many married people do to their spouses without a second thought when it comes to sex. It makes people feel rejected by the person they love, and not only that, it makes them feel bad in the process. You shouldn't be made to feel bad for wanting to be intimate with your spouse, and to me, sex within a marriage shouldn't be a gift one person gives to the other. It's a gift to be shared. As soon as it becomes a tool or a bargaining chip, it's lost much of its meaning. It should be just as natural as a peck on the cheek, holding hands, or hugging.

*ETA - I think the mindset is a carry-over from the dating years, when it very well could be that one person was really only interested in sex, or a regular sex partner. I think we've all probably dated people that we knew we weren't going to marry, but it would be fun while it lasted, right? So in these situations, yes, one (or both) parties really could be only interested in sex.

But marriage is different. Marriage is not dating, it's not seeing what's out there, playing the field, practicing, whatever you want to call it. One doesn't tend to marry somebody simply for the luxury of having a regular sex partner. But one can certainly date somebody for that reason.

My wife had experiences like that while dating, and they're relatively easy to snuff out. If every single time she saw a boyfriend, he tried to have sex with her, then it becomes clear that's all he's after. Duh. Boyfriend gone. (by the way, this isn't exclusively a female problem).
@alexm Your posts resonate so much with me...spot on! It's crazy how so many other people come across this same issue in marriage no matter who you are.

I've communicated with my wife in the past and told her how sex is much more than just sex to me. I like being intimate with my wife and in turn it does make me be more affectionate with her. I even tried to give her an example and said it is probably the same way she feels when she is always craving affection and her being the one that initiates it. She has told me that she would like it if I initiated being more affectionate with her, and I tell her that's exactly how I feel with sex, I hate being the one to always initiate it. I would love to have the feeling of my wife wanting/desiring me sexually instead of being a cuddle care bear to her.

IMPASSE...that's the perfect word @alexm to describe this same issue that plagues so many.

My current roadblock has been, no matter how much I explain to her how important, meaningful sex is to me and how it makes me be more affectionate to her, which is exactly what she wants; she doesn't understand why I just can't be affectionate with her without needing sex. I don't know how else to explain this to her to make her understand this; I've tried comparing it to her needs and how she doesn't like it when I show her zero affection but it just does not get through. It seems like "sex" and "affection" are 2 totally different things in her head. She always seems to make "sex" sound like it's so much harder to do physically than me just showering her with "affection"; so why can't I just give her more affection and having sex once a month should be enough.

I'm not sure how much longer I can last in this roommate pattern but I don't think I have much left in me.
 
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